My stomach is a mess today. Plus, it’s hard to walk due to all the swelling. I hate it.
I’m trying not to be envious and bitter. Maybe I need a social media break?
Someone close(ish) to Freya died, and she’s trying not to go down the rabbit hole of what about when it’s Jenn instead. I feel bad that my family suffers because of me. I wish I could fix it. Oh how I wish.
I’m so sick and tired of myself. I enjoyed traveling these last couple of weeks because I got to be a different person for a while. Unfortunately, the stress that put on my body has caught up with me. Now I suffer for it. Still – it was worth it.
I think I have a few friends who are upset with me. On the one hand, I get it. I don’t have much to give anymore. I’m bad at staying in touch. I don’t have much to say. But on the other, it’s not like they are putting in a great deal of effort either. It’s not like they ever have anything to say when I ask. Listen…I’m fucking dying. I guess I feel like if you want to be a part of my life then you’ll find a way to be. You’ll accept my limitations, and you’ll know they have nothing to do with you. I’m not a normal person anymore. I’m sick af. I spend most of my life sleeping. Or at a hospital. The people who get to see me nowadays are the persistent ones. This shit ain’t for the faint of heart.
I just needed to get that off my chest. I release it into the world. I’m not mad at anyone. I knew that my relationships would change because of my diagnosis. My friend group has grown smaller. That’s okay. I understand. I think I was holding onto some stuff longer than I should have, but I’m fixing that now. I’m letting go.
