I’m freaking out.

Saw Dr. B this morning.

She doesn’t think it makes sense to try to oral treatment options since they’ve been so hard on my stomach. So I’m starting Halaven(erubilin) sometime this week. It’s IV chemo. 2 weeks on, 1 off. I pray to everyone and everything that this works, because if it doesn’t…sigh.

She also talked me into getting the permanent drain placed. So that’s happening tomorrow morning. I’ve very much freaked out about this. I’m going to have a catheter sticking out of my body. I’m going to have to keep it sterile. No more baths or swimming for me. Supposedly, a nurse will come out and teach me how to deal with it, but it sounds like a two person job so my unlucky husband will be assisting as well.

This man is a saint.

I’m exhausted and scared but also weirdly numb but with bouts of crying.

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4 thoughts on “I’m freaking out.

  1. Hi Jenn, I know it’s scary, taking the first step in yet another new treatment, and I’m sending good thoughts for you on your infusion day. You have probably seen on socials that some people knock it down with IV chemo for awhile and are able to come back to an oral treatment afterwards. Perhaps oral won’t cause as many problems then. One person I think of off the top of my head is https://www.instagram.com/amj1315/. Abigail Johnston. She has been on several lines of tx with progression, ended up at IV chemo and Xeloda at the same time, got to NEAD, and has now stopped IV and is on Xeloda. I’ve seen others, but I’m sure you have too, so won’t list them all. But, another I’m thinking of could not tolerate her chemo, so she stopped, then scans showed it was helping, so she started again at half dose and was able to tolerate. I am visualizing you being able to tolerate the chemo and then it working <3

  2. This sucks!!!! They have GOT to come up with a cure for this shit so good people like you, and my BFF Melodi don’t have to go through all this horror!!!!

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