I can’t remember what I’ve shared since I’ve been in the hospital. They placed this awful tube in my nose and down my throat to keep my stomach drained. It has eliminated the nausea and vomiting, but OMFG my throat feels like I’m swallowing broken pieces of glass. It hurts to talk, so I’m trying not to say much. I can have IV pain meds every two hours which helps. I still hurt, but the meds make me care less.

I’ve been here two nights and I still have at least one more before the surgery. I’m worried the cancer will be too advanced and it won’t work. Then I don’t even know what happens.

Jackson came for a short visit yesterday. It was good to be near him. Holding his hand helped me feel better. His birthday is Wednesday and he said he wants to see me on his birthday, so I guess I’ll hopefully see him again then. I hate having him see me this way. It’s truly awful.

My head, throat, and body ache. I haven’t had anything to eat since Friday. I’m allowed occasional ice chips to soothe my throat, but they aren’t that helpful, unfortunately.

Thank you to everyone who has been reaching out. It means so much! I’ve been too tired to respond. I spend most of my time sleeping, which I feel is for the best. I haven’t even been reading. Either sleeping or watching TV.

I wonder if I’m going to be able to bounce back from this. Being hopeful seems dangerous.