Not feeling great today, but what else is new. I’m going to force myself to go out with my bestie for lunch and a pedi tho, because I’m running out of time. I have to make the memories now. Plus, I need to vent and she is a safe space for me to do so.

It’s 10:35 am and I’m still in bed. My body aches. My back is all fucked up. It’s hard to walk. It’s weird how this suddenly popped up out of nowhere.

Tomorrow morning I meet with my oncologist to determine if I’m healthy enough to restart chemo. Fingers crossed that she will allow it. I’m ready to fight this shit back. I want my fucking Christmas. And I want Valentine’s Day. I want to go to Carrie’s wedding, and I want to throw D a 50th birthday party. I want until July. Then it can take me.

I don’t think I’m going to be that lucky, but the hope still lingers. It has lessened over time, but it’s still there.

The weekend has been long, quiet, and relaxing. We’ve watched oh so many movies. I bet we watch another tonight. Maybe I can convince D to watch some horror.

The kids come home tomorrow (yay) and we’re going to put the Christmas trees up this week. We have a tradition where we put up the trees while watching Christmas Vacation, and drinking cocoa. I think I’ll bake some cookies too. And we’re ordering Chinese. I’m looking forward to it.

Note to self: take lots of pictures.

xoxo