I’ve had to up the dosage of my pain meds. It’s silly – but it makes me feel like a failure. But I’m so tired of being in pain. I’m now allowed up to 20 mg of Oxycodone every 3 hours, and the doc has offered a long acting med (like the extended release morphine) if I think I need it. I probably do, but admitting that feels like defeat. Having cancer in your GI tract is extremely painful. I know I’m not doing anything wrong, but it feels wrong. Why is my brain such an asshole?

I’m trying to stay positive. We are early into this treatment. Too soon to know whether it’s working for me. I just have a bad feeling today, and I’m sad.