The CT scan showed some issues with my stent, so the GI doc called me today to discuss. I’m going to be having another stent placed, like an additional/not a replacement, sometime next week to resolve/prevent further issues. It was hard to understand him due to his accent, but it’s essentially a quality of life issue so worth doing despite my shitty prognosis. I def don’t want to end up vomiting uncontrollably again. Fuck that. I’d like my final days to be nausea and vomit free.

But all of my doctors now talk to me like someone whose death is imminent, and damn…it’s tough. I appreciate it, as I like to keep it real, but it’s still a total mind fuck.

I’m >this close< to totally losing my shit. Just popped a Xanax. I may take another.

How am I supposed to function like this?