Peking Duck, but with buns instead of pancakes, which is difficult to find, and bbq pork bao. I think a trip to Royal Chinese BBQ or maybe Lulu’s is in order. I’m seeing C tomorrow night so I’m going to ask him for suggestions. His homemade bao is *chef’s kiss*

Tomorrow night, I will finally have the amazing French onion soup I’ve been dreaming of, and I’m so fucking ready for it.

I’ve had no appetite for days, but it finally kicked back in today, and I demolished a mini STL style pizza from Sybergs for lunch this afternoon. I even dipped it in caesar dressing! Mmm. Don’t judge!! LOL

My docs are worried about my weight. I’m disappearing. I either skip meals or only have a few bites. I’ve been supplementing with protein drinks and orange juice to get in calories where I can. I get full really quickly because of the cancer in my gut, and the narcotics are appetite suppressants.

You know what’s so fucked up though? I love how skinny I am. I wish I was stronger/more toned, but fuck if I don’t love seeing these low numbers on my scale. I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating my entire life. It makes me sad that I’m secretly pleased about the weight loss. And…that’s my dirty little secret, friends.

Well one of them anyway. Ha!

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