Ironically, I cannot get that “Hold On” song by Wilson Phillips out of my head. The universe has jokes.
Sorry in advance for any typos. It’s getting more difficult to clearly express myself.
I’m really hoping for another two weeks, but I’m scared. It’s getting harder to be present.
I’m so fucking tired.
I wanted to say some goodbyes in person, but they may have to be written instead. And some things I wanted to write may have to go unwritten.
My ascites drain in my peritoneum is clogged, so I’m off to Big Barnes tomorrow to try to get that sorted. It’s getting uncomfortable.
Also – I’m getting really weak, and actually fell this morning, so I think it’s cane time.
My food and fluid intake was better today, and my pain was better managed. I’m hopeful that’s a good sign. Just give me my spring break with my kids. Please, please, please.
I think, however, that I’m finally at peace with the idea that my people know how much I love them. And I definitely feel so very loved. I’ve done what I set out to do. Anything more is just extra.
Thank you for loving me so much and for being so vocal about it. Years ago, in my freshman year of college, I tried to slit my wrists because I felt so alone and unloved. I know now that it was a cry for help, and I’m thankful for my friends who cared enough to step up and answer the call.
I’ll write here as long as I’m able, but know that I love you.