Wednesday at 9:50 pm

  • Ironically, I cannot get that “Hold On” song by Wilson Phillips out of my head. The universe has jokes.
  • Sorry in advance for any typos. It’s getting more difficult to clearly express myself.
  • I’m really hoping for another two weeks, but I’m scared. It’s getting harder to be present.
  • I’m so fucking tired.
  • I wanted to say some goodbyes in person, but they may have to be written instead. And some things I wanted to write may have to go unwritten.
  • My ascites drain in my peritoneum is clogged, so I’m off to Big Barnes tomorrow to try to get that sorted. It’s getting uncomfortable.
  • Also – I’m getting really weak, and actually fell this morning, so I think it’s cane time.
  • My food and fluid intake was better today, and my pain was better managed. I’m hopeful that’s a good sign. Just give me my spring break with my kids. Please, please, please.
  • I think, however, that I’m finally at peace with the idea that my people know how much I love them. And I definitely feel so very loved. I’ve done what I set out to do. Anything more is just extra.
  • Thank you for loving me so much and for being so vocal about it. Years ago, in my freshman year of college, I tried to slit my wrists because I felt so alone and unloved. I know now that it was a cry for help, and I’m thankful for my friends who cared enough to step up and answer the call.
  • I’ll write here as long as I’m able, but know that I love you.
  • What a beautiful life it has been. ♥️
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12 thoughts on “Wednesday at 9:50 pm”

  2. I don’t know you in “real life” and have only known you a short while via the internet, but I will miss you! I hope you get to spend Spring Break with your kids and that you are not miserable during that time.

  3. I’m never going to forget you. You have been, and will continue to be a happy thought. I love that you have shared your journey – the highs, the lows – and love that you have not sugar coated, or filtered your story. All the hugs x

    • Thank you, my friend. I’ve loved getting to know you through our blogs. Oh and happy belated birthday! ❤️

  4. I came to this blog late, but forgetting you would be impossible. I’m thinking about you often these days. ❤️

  5. You’re such an incredible human being, and I’m blessed to have known you these last almost 14 years. You’re amazing. I love you. ❤️

    • I love you too, my lady. It’s been a privilege to have your friendship and to watch your beautiful family grow.

  6. Praying for you daily. My aunt whom worked with death and dying children for 20 years always says “people choose when to pass “ she said that there is so many times that children held on when they really should’ve been able to medically. I have faith you will get your time. ❤️

  7. I’ve loved reading your posts – here and on Tumblr. I feel like I have lived many adventures vicariously through you and your family. And I love that these adventures will be preserved for your family.

    I’m in awe of the love you have for those in your life. May the love and good you’ve put into the world come back to comfort you and always provide comfort for your family.

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