We had a five hour visit this afternoon/evening. It totally drained me, but it was definitely worth it. The vibe was much different than I anticipated. The conversation flowed. My mom brought a box of old pics that we reminisced over. We helped each other remember various things. We confessed things, and discussed others that were long overdue. There were def tears, but it felt good to be in their presence, just like how I always wanted it to be: honest and loving. We laughed even more than we cried.
Krystal was a mess as she was leaving, and she’s hopeful there will be time to see each other again, but is prepared for there not to be. I’m at peace with what I was able to say in parting, and I hope she takes it to heart. Despite us never having that traditional sisterly bond, I love her very, very much.
My mom is still here, since she’s staying the night, so I imagine things will get a bit more intense between us in the morning. I’ve called it a night though because I’m exhausted and I definitely need some rest.
I told them that they’re all that’s left of this family (considering Samantha is lost to heroin), and they need to try to put the bullshit behind them and start fresh. I hope my death can bring them closer at the very least. Tonight made it obvious that there is still lots of love here, and that doesn’t just go away.
I love you both. The good and the ugly. The ugly made us who we are, and there’s no time to live in regret. Never forget.