Jenn’s husband, Dave, here. She wanted me to update her readers on what had happened when she was no longer with us, which sadly, has now happened.
Last Thursday the hospice nurse came to our house and decided that Jenn should be admitted to the hospice facility. Within a couple hours she was leaving the home that she loved so much in an ambulance. At the time we thought there was a possibility that it would just be a temporary stay. By Friday afternoon, though, the nurse told me that I should call our daughter, who was on a school trip at Disney World, that she should come home as soon as possible if she wanted to be able to speak to her again. Over the next day she went from bad to worse, slowly losing what little she had left. It became harder and harder to talk to her. My last real conversation with her was on Saturday afternoon. It was what had become by then a rare moment of lucidity.
As the nurses continued to attend to her the extent of her disease became clear. She had tumors in her colon that caused a variety of problems which I will leave to your imagination. The ascites fluid which I had been helping her drain since November and had been yellow, started showing blood. She had to lie with her legs up because of pain, and when she no longer had the strength to keep them up they fell to her sides so that she lay bow-legged. The nurses believe this was because of tumors in her groin. In short, the tumors had completely taken over her lower digestive tract. I’m telling you this because she was very candid with you about what she was going through and she believed that if she could raise awareness of how horrid metastatic breast cancer is then perhaps her sacrifice would have meant something.
Throughout this ordeal my only concern was executing her wishes: to be in as little pain as possible and to sleep through the worst parts. The nurses assured me that her pain was at manageable levels throughout. On the last day I was told she had been administered over 100 mg of morphine total. I spent each of the five nights she was there with her and generally made myself a pest to the staff.
Yesterday afternoon I was holding her hand and talking to her while I looked her in the eye. I think she heard me – her movements and groans hint that she did. My daughter was there, and so was one of her close friends. I told her that F and I were going to go to dinner and be back shortly. As we were finishing dinner, not one hour later, her friend texted me that I need to come back right now. The hospice nurse called me while my daughter and I were walking to our car to tell us she had passed. The nurse, her friend, and my daughter believe that she did it deliberately while I was gone either to spare me seeing it, or because she felt I wouldn’t let her go.
I know you all must feel something like the pain my family and I feel now. She had a way of touching people she hadn’t even met. She’s left us an extraordinary gift by recording her life in this blog. For however long I have left, whenever I feel like I’m missing her, I’ll have this to read and remind me of who she was.
I’m so, so sorry to hear this. 😢 I was grateful to have found this blog and be able to follow Jenn’s posts in coping with metastatic breast cancer. My sincerest condolences, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this heartbreaking time. ❤️
I was a behind the scenes follower. My heart is absolutely shattered for you, Jackson, Freya and all Jenn’s wonderful friends. Although I didn’t know her, I feel like I am mourning her loss along with you. Although not nearly to the extent that you all are. I will miss her honesty, her sense of humor and outlook on life….and death. I hate that she was taken, so young, by this horrible disease. Her stories opened my eyes to something I knew little about. I hope you all find peace in this blog and seeing in words, the immense love she had for you all. I will miss coming here daily to see what Jenn felt like sharing with us. I pray that she is no more pain and that you feel her with you all, every since day.
I was a behind the scenes follower. My heart is absolutely shattered for you, Jackson, Freya and all Jenn’s wonderful friends. Although I didn’t know her, I feel like I am mourning her loss along with you. Although not nearly to the extent that you all are. I will miss her honesty, her sense of humor and outlook on life….and death. I hate that she was taken, so young, by this horrible disease. Her stories opened my eyes to something I knew little about. I hope you all find peace in this blog and seeing in words, the immense love she had for you all. I will miss coming here daily to see what Jenn felt like sharing with us. I pray that she is no more pain and that you feel her with you all, every single day.
I’m so sorry, I’ve followed Jenn for years from Tumblr originally. She definitely touched people she hadn’t met. 💜
I’m so sorry for your loss. I never met Jenn but through this blog and her IG account I felt a connection. The way she shared her journey with the utmost honesty was beautiful and very much appreciated. I will miss her and her posts greatly. Sending heartfelt condolences to her family and friends at this very difficult time.
I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss. I did not know your wife as I just started my blogging journey. I just came across this post and now will have to go read her stories. I’m three weeks out from a prophylactic mastectomy and just started a blog to spread awareness. I will spread what I learn from Jenn as I read her posts. Again, I’m so sorry and praying for you and your family. 💔
Thank you!
My sincere condolences.
I’m so sorry to hear. My thoughts are with you all. I have loved the insight into the wonderful life you’ve created together. I cannot imagine the immense pain and sorrow you all have, but I hope that you all find comfort (eventually) in the many wonderful memories you’ve built together. It’s very clear to me on the outside looking in that you all maximized your time together. I’ll be sure to put on some DMB tonight for Jenn. I hope I can impact those I love at even a fraction of the impact she seemed to have on those around her.
I’m so sorry, Dave. I am no good at words like Jenn was, but I am so heartbroken to hear she has passed. I have known her for about 14 years now – we “met” on LiveJournal long ago, when we were both pregnant with our boys.
It hurts my heart, and I can not imagine the pain all of you are going through. I have shed many tears over Jenn and her diagnosis, and really felt as if I “knew her”. Sending you all so much love from SC – ❤️
I didn’t really know her well, but I have metastatic breast cancer too, and sometimes reading her posts made me less afraid. She had such a frank way of talking about it that made cancer just part of a much wider life, instead of the other way around. This kind of diagnosis shrinks your world way down, and I felt like Jenn railed against that well. She has been in my thoughts a lot lately since things began to decline, and I’m so heartbroken for you and your family. I will so much miss finding new wit from her to read.
Susan
I did not know her but have read her blog and feel like I did. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. She was a truly unique and beautiful woman and I believe you were her soul mate. Until you meet again…..❤️
I’ve been following her blog for only a short while, but I could just tell she was funny and charming and the kind of person women just want to be friends with. I wish I’d had a chance to be her friend. She was so honest on this blog. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for updating her readers and friends. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for letting us know. I’m glad she isn’t suffering anymore, but it really sucks because she loved you and the kids SO MUCH and didn’t want to leave you. Much love and hugs to you all.
I only knew Jenn from online and I feel like I know for absolute certain that she chose exactly when to go. She was a badass. I started following Jenn right before your wedding, and I always loved the way she talked about you with adoration 100% of the time.
I didn’t want to read this. I’m so sorry for the pain you all must be feeling.
Dave, I met your beautiful wife on tumblr, and although it was online, I have appreciated the connection and us getting to know each other. The love she had for you and the kids was/is so profound, and I learned so much from her about life. My heart goes out to you and your family as you navigate this unknown place of heartbreak. Sending you my deepest condolences. ♥️
Marj-
@ropeandcoffee
Dave, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I’ve been following Jenn quietly since the days of her viral tumblr post (you probably know the one–I won’t bring it up here because I seem to recall that it annoyed her how much it followed her). She was inspiring and gave beautiful insight into the beast that is cancer. Although I never knew her personally, you are right that her story and her life touched many. I knew when she didn’t post for a while this was likely what we would be seeing soon. She is (not was) a beautiful person. I wish you and your family all the comfort that can be had during this time.
I’m so sorry. I don’t have the words to say how much she meant to me but I truly loved her. She taught me so much and I will forever be grateful for our friendship. She simply was the best.
Brave, strong, beautiful, smart, funny girl !!🖤💔🖤
Sometimes a person is very close to you, even if you never got to know them personally…
Love each other and be good to the cats.
Brave, strong, beautiful, smart, funny girl !!🖤💔🖤
Sometimes a person is very close to you, even if you never got to know them personally…
Love each other and be good to the cat.
It’s amazing to me that I never got to meet Jenn in real life, and yet I feel like I knew her, you, and the kids because she was so vulnerable and honest with everyone who read here. There was a vibrancy and moxy in her, despite enduring the unthinkable, that resonated with me as another chronically ill person trying to make the most out of the life we are offered. Her victories were our victories, her sadness was our sadness. And it was clear, even to her readers, how much she loved her family and hated to leave you. Sending you all the love I have. Thank you for letting us know.
Oh, this is is heartbreaking. I’ve been following Jenn’s blog for about a year (we have things in common like our beautiful blended families and stupid lobular cancer). When I discovered her I went back and read pretty much the whole thing and looked forward to her posts. She was so real, funny, beautiful, and relatable. Once she was quiet for a few days I feared this post was coming. Dave- I don’t know either of you. but you have my sincere condolences on losing such an amazing soul. this is indeed a gift and she is alive in these words. I hope Jackson and Freya are okay. Sending you all bug hugs and love.