worn out wednesday

I had to get up early this morning and head to the hospital for a heart test. It was an ultrasound of the heart where the tech takes pics. It’s necessary prior to starting Enhertu. Just heard all looks good, so it’s a go to start treatment tomorrow morning. I’m nervouscited. Mostly nervous right now.

I’m not feeling great today. Mostly really tired. I see a nap in my future.

I have friends coming over for dinner later. Then my bestie is coming to stay the night so she can drive me to chemo tomorrow. I want to clean up around the house, but I don’t know if I have it in me.

The best thing? Bismarck has a bow tie and looks quite dapper.

Freya and I got a little crazy at TJ Maxx yesterday. 😂



I just posted the link to this blog on a Facebook post giving a cancer update. I hid this blog’s existence for a long fucking time, but I’m over that now. Let them see, let them see. Not that there is anything particularly juicy to read nowadays. LOL. Just a bunch of cancery bullshit. You’ve gotta dig for the good stuff.

Happy hunting.

In all seriousness, the hope is, as always, to promote MBC awareness, and, more importantly, to leave behind a scrapbook of my life for those who care to remember it.


It’s been 18 years…

On this day, 18 years ago, I got married to my now ex-husband.

We were just two young kids who had no business getting married, but we were dumb and in love. So we made it work for a while.

We’ve been divorced for 10 years now. It’s weird how no matter how much time has passed, this date will always be special to me.

I’ll never regret the time we spent together. Especially because it gave me my son.

yet another cancer update

So many sighs…

Okay here’s the deal:

The cancer has taken up residence in the linings of most of my organs. It’s in the lining of the heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, and all throughout the GI tract. Abraxane has failed, and so now we are on to a new treatment: Enhertu. Enhertu is kinda famous right now. It has been in the news a lot due to a really favorable trial in which Enhertu increased survival rates, and also showed regression of cancer in like 50% of the participants. It was also shown to help those with her-2 low breast cancer, which I have, and was just approved by the FDA on Friday as a treatment option. So I’m starting that on Thursday. The side effects sound kind of rough. I’m going to get heavy pre-meds, including steroids, which UGH, but if it helps with nausea then I’ll make it work.

I had to cancel our trip to Cancun at the end of the month to make the treatment schedule work. (Every three weeks).

That’s all for now. I’m tired and cranky. This is total bullshit.

Just another manic Monday

Going to see my oncologist in a bit. Then it’s a treatment day. Funsies. Will report more later, of course.

I spent most of yesterday running back and forth to the toilet. No joke. We also watched three episodes of Sandman, and two movies, with lots and lots of breaks.

My feedback:

Sandman is phenomenal. Stop what you’re doing and watch it. The new Jurassic Park movie is trash, like super long and not even particularly entertaining.

I woke up this morning with Cold Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul stuck in my head for some god forsaken reason, and please make it stop.

Okay bye.

Hello, it’s me.

Still here. I feel cute today.

I’m feeling halfway decent today, so we’re taking advantage.

Us at lunch:

And later we’re seeing friends. Gotta make the most of the good days.

I spent a lot of the last two days on the mbc message board looking at a thread regarding lobular GI mets. It was both enlightening and depressing. Next up: the death and dying thread.

I can’t really describe how I’m feeling nowadays. I don’t have the words for it right now.

Anyway – it’s a good day so far. I’m gonna keep on keeping on.


I never know what day of the week it is anymore. I have no schedule. It will be easier to remember when the kids go back to school.

D and I went out for a bit of lunch and shopping.

We decided on a day date instead of a date night. We’re old and tired. Plus, he still has that covid fatigue.

I bought a few cutesy things while we were on Main Street down in the Saint Charles historic district. I may go to the big Saint Charles Co Library book fair this weekend too, if I can find the energy. I’m in a shopping mood.

D looks sad in the pic because he is sad. We’re both on the struggle bus right now. Living this reality is extremely fucking difficult. We feel robbed. We’re on borrowed time, and even though we know we need to make the most of it, it’s easy to get sucked into depression.

Still, we’re both grateful for this quiet weekend alone. I forgot that he’s traveling again next week, so I need to get in some quality time.