3:25 am

Went to bed around 11:30-ish. Awake again by 3. I’m exhausted, yet completely wired. Racing thoughts. Anxiety. I haven’t been this stressed in a long time.

I took a melatonin a little while ago, and even so…my brain refuses to cooperate.

I need to sleep. I need the break from reality.

solo

It’s 9:17 pm right now. I’ve been awake since 4 am. I saw the sun rise on my way to the office.

I went hard core into the day, ready to get my new law firm going. I operated frantically, and non-stop, for about five hours, when I got an email from my former business partner:

THE LAW FIRM IS MINE.

I don’t have to start over from (almost) scratch.

IT’S MINE.

That was part of a much larger email. Part of which included an apology for the shitty, manipulative texts he sent me yesterday; and then another part that said:

The girls were planning to quit when they thought he was taking full ownership of the firm. They aren’t looking for new jobs anymore. 😊

Obviously I accepted this offer. This is what I’ve wanted for years: to have full ownership of this law firm; not to start a new solo practice. I was prepared to do so, and even organized a new LLC last night, but this is my literal dream come true. I am stunned still…almost twelve hours later.

It’s a motherfucking game changer.

Everything is chaos. I’m ridiculously stressed/overwhelmed. I’m scared out of my mind. I’m already way behind, like I need to work all weekend to even begin to catch up, and I’m in a shitty market, at a compete disadvantage. But… BUT I’M SO FUCKING PUMPED.

This is everything.

in the blink of an eye…

everything changes.

For a long list of reasons that I cannot get into here, I am holding onto my cases, and fighting for what’s mine. I just created a new business entity, which will get to work first thing tomorrow.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO. SO. FUCKING. MUCH.

I am stressed beyond any other stress ever, and I feel like I’m going to stroke out at any moment.

I am so fucking grateful for my amazing support group. My husband, my friends, the lawyers (who are also friends, but deserve their own mention because they have stepped up in a BIG way the last couple of days, like one even called in a favor from another attorney on my behalf).

I feel very loved. Well with the exception of he who shall remain nameless. He hates my fucking guts right now, and has been gaslighting me all fucking afternoon.

I will be the bigger person.  I will not engage. What’s the point? I’ve let him drag me down for too long already.

I don’t know what is going to happen. I am scared shitless. I might still fail…fall flat on my face. But at least I will stand up on my own first, and see what I’m made of. I should have done this years ago, and I feel like such an idiot for allowing this nonsense to go on as long as it did.