These antibiotics have wrecked my digestive tract, and the cramps are unbelievably painful. I almost passed out earlier.

I feel like such a tremendous burden. D is doing an amazing job as my caretaker, but I feel very guilty for putting him through all of this. I know he doesn’t mind, and obviously I’d do it for him in a heartbeat, but I’m not good at letting other people take care of me. I don’t have a choice though. I’m so fucking sick.

There are good moments though, and I’m holding onto those. The bright spots help me remember that it won’t be like this forever.

At this point, I’m just taking things one hour at a time.

This morning I had an episode of super bad cramping. I was in bed moaning and crying out. Bismarck came running in all concerned. He jumped up next to me and started whining while he put his paw on me. It was incredibly sweet.

I have a pile of packages by the front door. I’m hoping I’ll feel well enough to open them today.

I’m super on edge and jumpy. I keep having dreams that I’m back in the hospital and then I jump awake. I’m kind of fucked up over this. I feel like I survived a battle or something.

Things

  • Home is most excellent.
  • My mood is much improved.
  • Still not feeling well. In fact, I’ve felt pretty terrible most of the day. I took an oxy tonight and that helped considerably.
  • I’m taking so many pills. I feel like a walking pharmacy.
  • Tonight, D and I sat around listening to music. He indulged me and put on my Huey Lewis and the News record. It must be love. ❤️
  • Then we watched Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
  • We keep looking at each other and remarking upon how happy we are to be home, together, enjoying ourselves again.
  • The last week and a half has been a fucking nightmare.
  • Note to self: take it easy. Don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s not worth it.
  • Now it’s back to lying on the couch with the husband. There’s no place I’d rather be.