Another Early Morning

This early morning insomnia is pissing me the fuck off. It’s becoming a thing. It doesn’t help that I slept upstairs so I’m not as comfortable as usual. I’m thinking about going downstairs and getting in our bed. I really don’t believe D is contagious at this point.

We sat at a distance on the deck last night, drinking beers and catching up. Oh and we’ve planned an impromptu road trip to Colorado. Leaving Wednesday and coming back on Saturday. We’re going to take the husky with us. We’ll go to New Belgium Brewery and sit on the patio. Fingers crossed I’ll have a good week and this will work out. I need this. We need this.

Saturday Stuff & Things

  • D will be home soon. He’s currently in Illinois. It will be good to have him back, though I’m going to keep my distance just to be safe.
  • We’re talking about a road trip next weekend. We were supposed to meet friends in Louisville, but I don’t know if that’s a thing anymore.
  • Naomi’s Room was a lot. Holy fuck.
  • Watched Us last night with Freya. Not sure what to think of it. Def didn’t like it nearly as much as Get Out.
  • I’m feeling halfway decent today.


I keep waking up early and pondering my continued existence. 0/10 do not recommend.

It’s Friday. D is going to start his long journey home. He’s driving the 17 hours from Connecticut since he can’t fly. I’m worried about it, but he can’t sit in Connecticut for another week, so what can we do really? Fucking Covid.

My bestie is asleep upstairs. We didn’t get to have our hotel day, but we ended up having a fabulous time nonetheless, like we always do. I felt really crappy in the morning, so we laid in bed for hours just talking. Then we went to Cracker Barrel, which is our thing. Yeah – the food is mediocre to be sure, but we love shopping in the weird little store. I find such gems there. Then we picked up my ridiculous birthday cake (she spoils me). We ate pizza, binged Friends, and then we watched Get Out, which I had somehow never seen. Loved it, btw.

Today the kids come home. It will be good to have their presence in the house. Freya works tonight, but I’ll have Jackson here so I’m hoping we can hang out and watch a movie. I have a lot of leftover pizza and cake.

Oh and how is it almost August?


I’ve been following Megan over on Insta for a while now. She was a fellow mbc thriver. She’s been on the struggle bus big time recently – with brain and skin mets. Then she got covid. And, as of last night, she passed. I know I didn’t actually know her, but she was so open and honest about life with MBC, that I felt like I did. She was only in her mid-thirties, and left behind a husband and two young kids. It’s heartbreaking and unfair and I fucking hate it.

I feel like a ticking time bomb.

Stage 4 needs more.

Yesterday was a weird af day.

Woke up to the news that D has covid. He’s in Connecticut so we have no clue how or when he’ll be able to come home.

I agreed to an impromptu lunch with my mom and niece. My niece is my youngest sister’s daughter. I haven’t talked to my sister in seven years. She’s addicted to heron and disappeared after her kids were taken away. My niece lives in San Antonio with her dad and came up for a visit. I was initially concerned it was going to be super awkward, but it actually went really well. It was good to see them both.

I ended up feeling pretty bad last night due to cancer complications. I’ll spare you the details. My bestie came over to be with me, which was the plan anyway. We’re staying at a cutesy little hotel tonight, assuming I can get my shit together. Still not feeling all that great.

I guess I should get up. Sigh. It feels like too much work.

Oh right…

My brain MRI was clear. Yay!

The bad news is that I had to take my nose stud out, and the fucking hole closed up during the scan. (Oh and I almost threw up in the machine, which was an entire ordeal). So anyway – I’m pretty annoyed about that. I tried to push it through, and there was lots of blood, so I stopped. Now there’s a scab.

I’m bummed.

I barely know what day it is.

After speaking with the NP yesterday, I was given some new pre-meds, one of which knocked me out for the rest of the day. I also got a long term anti-nausea med that really seems to be helping.

Chemo #4 is in the bag.

I’ve spent today watching Friends. Freya convinced me to start from the beginning. It’s actually a good way to past the time. It keeps my interest, but I’ve seen it before, so it’s not a big deal if I zone out (like now).

Tonight I’m taking the kids to my favorite STL style pizza joint. I’m very much looking forward to that.

I’m also looking forward to spending Wednesday and Thursday with my bestie. More on that later.

As the title of the post suggests, I’m pretty out of it today.