I’m extremely nauseated, my head hurts, and I generally just feel unwell. Hello darkness, my old friend.
We didn’t get home from the hospital until 9:30. It was a ridiculously long day. We do it again in two weeks. I have to go to the west co location tomorrow morning for more blood work and another EKG. The schedule for the first two months on the trial is overwhelming. Being a cancer patient is now my job.
I almost had a panic attack multiple times today. Being in that treatment room all day really forced me to confront some difficult truths. I’m not ready to unpack those right now, because it’s late, and I am drained.
I feel like I want/need to talk, but don’t have much to say. Or at least not anything interesting. I’m wayyyyyyyy tired of talking about cancer too. Ugh.
I have been a shitty friend. I just can’t right now.
My mom is trying to reconcile with me, and I just can’t with that right now either.
And I can’t figure out why people who know my situation are still interested in me romantically. I mean – it’s flattering, but I just don’t get it.
I have nothing to give right now. I’m depressed. I need to call my psychiatrist. I prob need to increase my meds.
I’ve been eating whatever I want because it sounds like I won’t be up for eating much after Thursday. Oh and I’ll have to go back to a low carb diet in order to control my blood sugar. Piqray sounds like a fucking delight. 🙄
Oh something I’m excited about: D and I are staying at The Ritz Carlton on Saturday night! Oooh and we have a Taco & Tequila event in Soulard that day.
I’m thinking about going to the dispensary tomorrow and getting myself a vape.
This post is fucking stupid and boring. I’m sorry I suck.