is what I call this look.
I’m the kind of person that sets reminders on her calendar for book releases.
One By One (Ruth Ware) was released today, and I just now downloaded my copy. I know what I’m doing for the next few hours (until my husband gets home).
I was supposed to have dinner with C tonight, but I’m just too wiped out to function. Fucking Ibrance. Today had been a struggle. My husband could tell something was off just from our text exchanges thoughout the day.
It doesn’t help that I barely slept last night. I really hope I can get some restful sleep tonight. If not, at least I have a much awaited book the read.
I have the compulsion to beat myself up for not being better or trying harder, but I’m really, really trying not to go there. I have to show myself some grace, right?
Waking up in pain with injuries sustained while sleeping.
Hot flashes allllllllll day and night.
Spending all my free time on the NYT Crossword app and LOVING it.
I did my Sally Up/Down video today while drinking a beer.
Go big or go home, right?
I can actually see that now. With eyes this big and a face that thin, I looked like a fucking alien.
Once, during my super skinny from cancer phase, I revived an anonymous message on Tumblr telling me I looked like the snowman from Frozen. *lol sob* But I totally see it now.
Anyway – I still want to lose the five pounds of quarantine weight, but I can honestly say, maybe for the first time ever, I feel comfortable with my looks. I don’t care about my weight so much; I care about my strength.I don’t hate myself anymore. I don’t hate my body. Yeah, it’s a treacherous bitch, but it has carried me through some shit, and keeps on keeping on. Is this acceptance?
Maybe I just realize now that time is too short to waste on worrying about stupid shit like my weight. I want to use every moment doing the things I love. Thanks, cancer.
You know my motto: the future is no place to place your better days.
Eat the cake.
Buy the dress.
Take the trip.
I sent this to my husband who then sent it to his staff.