I am definitely an introvert, but I can put on an extroverted front when necessary. It’s draining as fuck though. A lot of people don’t believe me when I say I’m introverted. This is usually because those people are familiar with Drunk Jenn. Drunk Jenn is a good time girl. Ain’t no doubt.
But I need a lot of alone time. My ideal situation is being at home reading. I crave quiet. I like to sit around and think about or write about things.
I’m a leader in the workplace. It’s hard sometimes, but it’s necessary. You can’t run a successful law firm without being a leader. I’m the boss lady. I have to act like it even when I don’t want to, which is most of the time honestly. Being an attorney is especially hard on introverts.
I don’t think I’m much of a follower. I never have been. I do what I want, say what I want, and wear what I want. I don’t give many fucks about who likes me or approves of my choices. It has always been this way.
I’m lucky to be well liked (with a few exceptions!) and have a good sized group of friends. D and I have a very active (too active for me sometimes) social life. It can be difficult for me because I’d almost always rather be at home or if I’m going out I prefer to go out just the two of us. My favorite friends are the chill, low maintenance kind. If you expect me to come to all your shit, you aren’t going to be happy with me.
The story behind your first and middle names.
My name is Jennifer Rose.
My mom named me after a character on Days of Our Lives. I was almost Amanda. I can’t really imagine being Amanda. I’m such a Jennifer.
In Ferguson, Missouri.
What a mind fuck it is to see it again. They rehabbed it, so it looks way better now.
When I moved out, it was a real fucking shit hole crack house.
I haven’t been inside in over 18 years.
My kid made me a book for Mother’s Day called A Peek at My Mom. These are my favorite pages.
My introverted self is not set up for busy, people filled, small-talk-making days like today. I’m so done.
The internet says I’m too young (at not quite 38) to be having a mid-life crisis. But I say fuck the internet. The internet doesn’t know me. It’s very Jenn to be ahead of the curve. I like to be a trendsetter. (hahahahaha).
So…I have been reading articles about the female mid-life crisis and I have found most of them to be helpful. This one in particular I liked, and I’m going to write about it below to help me get a better grasp on some of the things that have been bothering me.
13 Signs You’re Having A Mid-Life Crisis
- You’re asking yourself some deep, probing questions. Yes. Am I happy with where I am in life? What can I do to be a better person? A more successful person? A fitter person? Am I a good mother? Step-mother? Am I a good wife? The silver lining, I suppose, is that I’m actually making an effort to answer these questions. I think in the end this will make me a better person.
- You’re making rash decisions. Yes. Do you like my new car? My new pixie cut? Lol.
- You feel as if you’re slowly losing your mind. Oh yes, very much this. I can’t keep track of things or remember things from minute to minute. It’s frustrating as fuck. My patience is running very thin nowadays as well.
- Sleeping through the night has become a thing of the past. Yep. No more sleep for me. I’m grateful if I manage four to five hours a night.
- Your vision of the future is pretty dismal. I’m on the fence with this one. In some regards, yes. But on the flip side, I see glitter, kittens, and rainbows when I think about my future with D.
- You feel like life is one big pile of blah. I dread the routine. I hate the routine. I don’t want to get stuck in a rut. Things that used to interest me: reading, shopping, fashion, running…are all very meh right now. Additionally, I sort of hate my job/career. I want to hide under a pile of blankets and just sleep through it all.
- You’re walking around with an overwhelming sense of loss. It’s more accurate to say I’m walking around with a low grade depression.
- You have become overly concerned about your appearance. Oh yes. 100 times this. I’m obsessed with my appearance and find it lacking in every way. I can buy all the expensive skin care products and make-up in the world, but it can’t change what I hate about my face, which is everything. I’d be better off putting on a ski mask and calling it a day.
- …Or you throw in the towel when it comes to your looks. Not even close. I almost wish I would, honestly. Life would be so much simpler. Though I will say my general malaise combined with various physical ailments has made it more difficult for me to control things like my weight, which feels like giving up, and is adding to my depression.
- You rarely (if ever) have interest in sex. NOPE. If anything, I want more sex than I get. My sex drive is at an all time high. The real mind fuck is when you want all the sex, but you also think you are so repulsive that nobody in their right mind would every want to have sex with you.
- You think of yourself as an old person. Yep. I find myself listening to more old music than new. I find it harder to get shit done physically. I see my body changing in ways I don’t like due to metabolism changes, hormonal changes, and wrinkles. It’s rough.
- You feel as if your best days are behind you. I refuse to allow this to be the case. I’m going to go down fighting. But I’d be lying if I don’t worry about it from time to time. Especially when it comes to my career. Part of why I want to open these new office locations is because I need something to look forward to professionally. I feel like I’m in a rut and I just can’t imagine being in this same situation 10+ years down the road.
- You assume that every bad day means you’re in the throes of a midlife crisis. Haha. This is so me. I have a bad day or even a bad morning/afternoon and I become convinced that my entire life is spiraling out of control. This comes with being dramatic as fuck. The good news is that reading this article, thinking it through, coming up with a plan of action, and talking/writing out my feelings makes a really big difference. All is not fucked. I know this in my heart. Sometimes you’ve just gotta feel your feelings though, ya know?
We go out with a hot couple for dinner and drinks. We proceed to get quite tipsy. Hot couple invites us over for a foursome. We (essentially) say: oh yeah thanks, but we just really need to go home, smoke weed, and fuck each other, but maybe we can get a rain check?