I remember this night so vividly. It was my bestie’s birthday weekend, and we were out celebrating with a big group of friends at Hamburger Mary’s. We went for dinner, drinks, and a drag show. My (now ex) husband was there, and he was a total dick the entire night. He was miserable, which meant everyone else had to be miserable as well. I remember at one point in the evening, I heard one friend say to another, “Ugh…I don’t know why Jenn stays with that asshole.” I remember thinking to myself: I don’t know why either.

The next day was Mother’s Day 2012. I woke up feeling horribly sad and defeated. I tried putting on my best fake smile, but eventually in the early afternoon I started sobbing. I finally told my husband that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. (To be fair, this wasn’t the first time I had told him, but this was the first time I was committed to the decision). It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He was heartbroken and angry and it was a nightmare. He eventually grabbed some things and left. But only after he had threatened all kinds of ugly and terrible things.

That evening, I sat alone on the floor, drinking straight from a bottle of vodka, listening to the saddest songs, and sobbing hysterically.

It’s a sad story to be sure, and it was a difficult journey getting to where we are now. But I know I’m much happier, and I like to think he is too. We’ve both changed a lot. We’ve blossomed into the people we were always supposed to be, but couldn’t be together.

Tomorrow I will take a moment from celebrating Mother’s Day to reflect upon the day I found the courage to make a huge change to better my life.

A little Friday Mindfuck!

This picture was in my Facebook memories from six years ago today. It has 23 likes, but I can only see 21 of them, because the other two were obviously the exes. Realizing shit like that is always still a bit weird, though it honestly all feels like a different life to me at this point. Oh how far we’ve all come. Except…obviously not far enough to be unblocked. 😂

But look…isn’t my baby the cutest?! And so tiny. Why you grow so big, bb??? *sobs*


I’m going to see Matchbox Twenty & Counting Crows tonight with friends and I’m really looking forward to it. In preparation for the concert, I listened to M20 on my way down to the office this morning. A song I hadn’t heard in a very long time came on and it instantly transported me to 1998, sitting in my (now) ex’s dorm room, while he sang the song to me. It blindsided me and I got a bit upset, because the memory is bittersweet; especially given the lyrics of the song and where we ended up. Anyway, it looks like it’s on the set list for this tour, so hopefully I don’t lose my shit when they play it. Everything makes me cry nowadays. Ugh.

You’ve gotta take the good with the bad. The good memories I’ll recall tonight will far outweigh the bad/sad, and I am excited to spend a fun filled evening with my old school peeps.


labor day weekends of old

I love the On This Day feature on Facebook. 


D and I got shit faced at a winery and his ex went off on him. Worth it. 

We looked so different!! This was like 4 months of hair growth for me post chemo. 


Trip to the Lake of the Ozarks. We rented a boat and bought silly clothes at the tourist shops. 


Our trip to Punta Cana


We bought a house and a bunch of new furniture to fill it with. 

Labor Day Weekend 2017 is going to be chill. We just got back from the DM Road Trip. Tonight is D&D league. There will be lots of grilling and chilling. Haha 

random thoughts 

Do you remember that game show Supermarket Sweep? I used to really dig that shit. I’d watch it when I got home from school, while I was eating my after school snack. Well…not a snack so much as a couple thousand calorie binge. Usually that was the first food I would have eaten all day because I had this weird eating issue where I wouldn’t let other people see me eat. Keep in mind, however, that I was also extremely underweight. When I graduated from high school, I was almost 5’7 and weighed 104 pounds. Sometimes I’d skip lunch period to hide in a bathroom stall and read so that people wouldn’t ask me questions about food. I was a truly strange and fucked up teenager. 

Oh and I also remember that my high school boyfriend called me sunshine, not because I was bright and cheery, but as a dig because I was dark, moody, and sarcastic. 

Not much has changed in that regard. 

at this moment

In like 1986, when I was seven years old, I heard the following song on Family Ties and it struck me as the most beautiful and romantic song ever. My thoughts on that particular subject have changed over the years, but this song still holds a special place in my heart, and I get all teary eyed whenever I hear it, which admittedly isn’t often. For some reason, I’ve had it in my head the last couple of days and have been singing it to myself.

At This Moment:

What did you think I would do at this moment
When you’re standing before me
With tears in your eyes
Trying to tell me that you have found you another
And you just don’t love me no more

What did you think I would say at this moment
When I’m faced with the knowledge
That you just don’t love me
Did you think I would curse you
Or say things to hurt you
’cause you just don’t love me no more

Did you think I could hate you
Or raise my hands to you
Now come on you know me too well
How could I hurt you when darling I love you
And you know I’d never hurt you

What do you think I would give at this moment
If you’d stay I’d subtract twenty years from my life
I’d fall down on my knees
And kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you again

I’d fall down on my knees
And kiss the ground that you walk on baby
If I could just hold you…
If I, could just hold you…

If I…
If I could just hold you