I don’t even know where to start.

Everything is a mind fuck.

I held baby girl in my arms tonight though, at her request, and I’ll be forever grateful. We talked about the mindfuck that is trying to understand men and their bullshit hypocrisy. Basically: if you don’t fuck me, you’re a prude, but if you are sexual at all, you’re a whore.

I want to say more, but my husband poured tequila for us, and I want to be with him now.

I love you.

I’m still here.


Freya has body image issues, which is turning into a disordered eating issue, and I feel partially responsible.

I’m trying to be a better role model, by actually practicing the self-love I’m preaching to her about.

I’m beautiful just the way I am.

Play it on repeat and start to believe it.

Just found out we won’t get to visit her due to covid restrictions, and now I’m super grateful for those ten hours.

We will have a better idea later today as to how long she’ll be staying.

I guess I should try to sleep, but I’m totally wired.

I’m just glad that she’s safe.


Sometime last year, I gave Freya a bunch of my dresses that no longer fit, and I figured would never fit again. Well last night she was cleaning out her closet and purging clothes, so I grabbed a few of my old dresses and THEY TOTALLY FIT. It’s fabulous and I’m so pleased. So now they are back in my closet. That gave me the willpower to say no to dessert last night. ♥️

I have so much self-confidence right now. It feels incredible.

Home (is where my heart is)

I mentioned tonight, off handedly, that I intend to die in this house. Freya then asked if I’d still be around in five years, and I wistfully replied “probably not.” Tears immediately started falling from her eyes, big fat tears, and I hugged her oh so tight while she cried. Later D said, “She really fucking loves you,” and oh my poor shattered heart. My sweet, sweet girl. We ended up lightening the mood by reminiscing about the time when she was like 8 years old, and drew a pic of the four of us together, but put a big X on my pic. Lol. She was going through some shit! Those were hard times, and now somehow we’re besties. She gets genuinely excited when I pick her up, and often exclaims, “I’ve got gossip!” I love spending time with her.

When I was hugging her as she cried, I whispered in her ear, “I love you so very much and I’m so grateful to have you as my daughter.”

She loves hanging out with us on Friday nights, so she hears stuff that maybe she shouldn’t, but my parenting style is to be honest with the kids; to speak my truth. They have responded so favorably, and we get so much insight into their lives as a result

Tonight, I truly realized what an impact I’ve had on her life, and I’m oh so grateful for every single moment. Even the ones where she kind of hated me. ♥️♥️

step-mom win

Last night, I told the kids the story about the time my high school algebra teacher gave me his pager number (yes, pager) at graduation and told me to “call [him] anytime.” Super gross and inappropriate, right? I kept the card he gave me as proof that it happened, and the kids wanted to see it. So I dug out my senior year scrapbook, where I keep it, and we went through all of it. Freya was freaking out over all the pics, which she referred to as the “aesthetic me and all my friends are going for.” I was cracking up. She loved how late 90s it felt (I graduated in 1997). She loved all of my ugly ass clothes. She loved that all the pics were crappy quality because they were all taken with disposable cameras. She was like, “OMG I want pics like that!!” So I told her I would take her to buy a couple of disposable cameras this weekend. Assuming we can find them – they still make those, right? OMG it was the cutest, funniest thing. She is obsessed with the scrapbook and wants to show it to her friends. I told her she can visit with it anytime.

I love her, and I love being her step-mom. I’m forever grateful that I got the daughter I always wanted. I feel privileged to have played a role in the young woman she is becoming/has become.