oh what a morning!

I woke up to discover the highway I drive to and from almost everywhere was closed due to an awful accident. Somehow, it still ended up being the best route. That’s how horrendous traffic was this morning.

I left the house at 7:15 am and didn’t get to my kid’s school until 9 am. School starts at 9:05 am. It normally takes me 20 minutes max to get to his school.

Unfortunately for me, I was supposed to be in a courtroom in the city at 9 am. So I hauled ass like whoa to get downtown. I parked in a no parking zone. I ran into the courtroom at 9:45 am, just as the prosecutor was getting ready to leave. I got my 5 cases handled. Ran back to the car, which luckily was still there. (I wasn’t too worried about being towed. We’re talking about the city after all.)

I pulled into my parking spot at work at 9:59 am – just in time for my 10 am appointment. It’s a little after 11 am now, and in the last hour I have: made $1200, and filed a law suit against a creditor.

Pulled that morning off like a fucking boss! *pats self on back*

My afternoon is filled with more court hearings and more consultations. I’m supposed to do a book club meet-up tonight, but I may just cancel it since most people can’t make it, and I’m exhausted. Or…I may just tell the girls to swing by my place for some wine.

Yes, that sounds excellent.

notice

One of my long time employees put in her notice today. I essentially knew it was coming, because of a talk we had last week. Her leaving is going to be a huge change for the firm, and I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it feels like a huge blow, and I’m trying not to go down the wtf are we going to do rabbit hole. On the other hand, this forces me to make some changes that I’ve been avoiding dealing with simply because I could. I’ve relied upon her too much. I slipped into a comfort zone and got complacent. This may end up being a good thing for not only the firm, but for me as well.

Her last day is the 21st. I reserve the right to have a meltdown at some point in the next two weeks. Haha.

But it’s going to be okay. I’m always okay.

coming clean

One of the things I’ve been super vague about on the blog recently is the state of my career or maybe I should say my happiness with my career.

Though maybe that isn’t even accurate, as I don’t think the career itself is the problem. I like being an attorney. I’m good at it. And if I’m saying I’m good at it, then I’m probably pretty fucking good at it, because I’m way hard on myself. I enjoy the areas of law in which I practice, though some of my clients can be real assholes. I’m not sure that would change if I transitioned to another practice area though. Because let’s be honest: people are entitled assholes. Period. Working with the public just sucks. That’s the beginning and the end of it.

I’m my own boss, which is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing for all the obvious reasons. I don’t think most people really appreciate, however, how difficult it is to be the one in charge. And I don’t mean just managing the people. I mean that at the end of the day, it is on my shoulders whether my employees receive a paycheck. If there is a problem with a case, it’s my ass on the line. At the end of the day, it all lays on my shoulders. Quite heavily. It’s a lot to deal with. I’m stressed all the time. All. The. Time.

My business partner and I started this business almost 8 years ago. We were both very different people then. There have been highs and lows. When it’s good, it’s really good, but when it’s bad…yikes. Resentments have built up. We have a volatile relationship. My partner doesn’t like being a lawyer. This bleeds into everything.

Partnering up in a business venture is a lot like getting married. Our financial interests are all tied up together. We have to make important decisions together. We don’t always agree on those decisions. If one of us decides we don’t like this partnership any longer, it is a legitimate break up. It would be more contentious and complicated that my actual divorce. I would essentially be burning down 8 years of hard work and starting over again. It’s not a decision to be made lightly, which is why I’ve been obsessing over it for the last year (at least).

Every day I have to ask myself if it is all still worth it. So far, it is. Some day I may reach my breaking point. As for now, I continue to amaze myself with how resilient I am.

it’s not me, it’s you

So I have this new-ish employee, and everything she does just grates on my nerves, like I seriously cannot stand this chick. Even hearing her laugh drives me fucking crazy.

It’s not just me. Nobody else here likes her either.

I’m trying to figure out wtf I was on the day we hired her. Because I don’t remember her being this way AT ALL. It’s a total mind fuck.

it hit like a fucking bullet

We’re about fifty miles from home now, and my mind has already started listing out all the work shit that absolutely must get done this week; including one huge thing that is causing me much anxiety. Because where do I even start with that monster project? Oh and my business partner is on vacation this entire week…because of course. So when will I even find the time??

Ugh…the weekend is over, peeps. Back to the crushing, stressful hell that is lawyer life.

*SIGH OF RELIEF*

I’ve been stressing and obsessing all week over the fact that I was going to have to lay two staff members off on Friday.  However, after many meetings and much planning, we have a plan in place to avoid it…for the short term at least. The economy is good, which means bk filings are down, and money at the firm is tight. We’ve got to tighten the purse strings, and the employees need to step up their client conversion game. There will be a staff meeting in the morning.

Still…I am beyond relieved. I had a long meeting with my business partner and the office manager this afternoon. Afterwards, we all hugged because we feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

In related news…I suppose I should cut expenses from my personal budget. It’s okay, though. It’s long overdue. I’m quite spendy. Maybe this would be a good time to do a 30 day minimalism challenge? Saving is good, Jenn. You should save more.

This entire situation has reminded me just how lucky I am to have a spouse who can actually back me up if things go badly for me financially. We aren’t there yet, and I doubt we actually will be, but life is much less stressful when you know your partner can catch you if you fall. I’m still getting used to it. Such was not the case in my previous relationship.

PS: my husband is in an Uber on his way to the San Diego airport. He’s coming home to me and I have all the happy feelings! Better yet, it’s a non-custody weekend so it will be just the two of us for four glorious nights!

 

oh what a day!

It is definitely a Monday.

While it feels good to be back in the mix, I will say that I did not miss all the stress that comes along with being in the office every day. It was sort of nice to forget about all of this for a while. Unfortunately, things are suffering due to my long absence.

I feel like I’m riding a roller coaster.

It’s hard being the boss. Really fucking hard. Consider that the next time you get mad at yours.

KC things

  • Driving here so early in the morning totally blows. Approximately 3 1/2 hours when you factor in the stop I always make to get gas and a Diet Pepsi refill.
  • It’s the last hour that really sucks.
  • My hearing went well. I was a bit anxious, but it turns out I was worrying needlessly. That’s usually the case, but I never learn. I’m a worrier at heart.
  • This is my first time in our new office space. The building is cool, but needs some work. Our space is tiny, and needs new furniture, as well as some paint. It feels weird to be here, especially since I’m alone. Like I’m not even sure there is anyone else on this floor alone.
  • The location is pretty bad ass, however. We are in the Power and Light District. Lots of cool stuff around here.
  • And the view from my office window is pretty sweet.
  • This place is one of those trendy office share buildings. There is free local craft beer up on the 7th floor. I may have to go check that out later.
  • The people here are very nice. Way friendlier than STL people. It’s always interesting to me just how different people can be even when they’re only geographically separated by a few hundred miles.
  • For example, the maintenance guy has chatted me up several times already, but that could just be because he thinks I’m cute. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m cute, which is hilarious because I am way older than him.
  • My last appointment of the day (the 4 pm) rescheduled, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ll get home in time to spend some quality time with my husband.

Day one (of the rest of my life)

I feel at peace with my decisions today.

It was the right move to let my associate go. For several reasons. Not the least of which is that I feel a renewed connection with my business. I can’t be complacent anymore. I have to get back into the mix; in a big way.

I’m also feeling good about my decision to move forward with the oophorectomy. I talked to my doctor for about twenty minutes yesterday. We have a plan to beat back the side effects, but it honestly sounds like I’ve already been through the worst of it due to the tamoxifen. Regardless, I have a plan of action, and a renewed motivation to get my health, both physical and mental, under control.

I feel like I’m taking the wheel again. It feels good.