Stunning displays of courage in the face of great adversity. (Like Dr. Ford’s testimony. I was beyond moved. Her selflessness has given women everywhere a voice).
2018 has been a difficult year for me, both health-wise and career-wise. But, as always, I have come out on the other side better for all of it. My motto for the year has been: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
From a health perspective: I have eliminated my chance of cervical and ovarian cancer, as well as drastically reduced my risk of breast cancer recurrence. It was a hard road to recovery, but I’m here now, and while there are some shitty side effects, I don’t regret my decision to have the surgeries.
As for my career: 2018 has been the most litigious year yet. It has been stressful as fuck, but I continue to learn and grow as an attorney. I am a better attorney today than I was on 1/1/18. These experiences have emboldened me, and I have started taking more complicated cases as a result. I take more chances. I have more confidence in my abilities. I am grateful for that.
I’ve been struggling with this prompt, which is why my blog a day prompt entries came to a halt recently. This was the prompt for the 26th.
I don’t typically like to dwell on the past – at least not the distant past. My distant past was filled with terrible things.
Of course, there is nothing saying this can’t be a happy letter. It doesn’t have to be a sad or angry one.
Still, when I consider this prompt, this is the letter I want to write:
Given current events, I have given a lot of thought recently to exposing you. I would like to burn your entire life down, the way you tried to burn mine. But, in the end, I have no time for you. I am like the phoenix: I may burn, but I will always rise from the ashes. And oh how high I fly nowadays, despite how you told me I’d amount to nothing.
I do hope that you get yours someday, and maybe you already have. And if, by chance, the hell you always preached about does in fact exist, I know you’ll fucking burn there.
The most fucked up part? I bet you don’t even remember me. Though I hope you do, and I hope you live in fear of being exposed. Because #me too, motherfucker. I didn’t have a voice then. But I sure as fuck do now.
Hating you always,
Your “favorite altar girl”
I am definitely an introvert, but I can put on an extroverted front when necessary. It’s draining as fuck though. A lot of people don’t believe me when I say I’m introverted. This is usually because those people are familiar with Drunk Jenn. Drunk Jenn is a good time girl. Ain’t no doubt.
But I need a lot of alone time. My ideal situation is being at home reading. I crave quiet. I like to sit around and think about or write about things.
I’m a leader in the workplace. It’s hard sometimes, but it’s necessary. You can’t run a successful law firm without being a leader. I’m the boss lady. I have to act like it even when I don’t want to, which is most of the time honestly. Being an attorney is especially hard on introverts.
I don’t think I’m much of a follower. I never have been. I do what I want, say what I want, and wear what I want. I don’t give many fucks about who likes me or approves of my choices. It has always been this way.
I’m lucky to be well liked (with a few exceptions!) and have a good sized group of friends. D and I have a very active (too active for me sometimes) social life. It can be difficult for me because I’d almost always rather be at home or if I’m going out I prefer to go out just the two of us. My favorite friends are the chill, low maintenance kind. If you expect me to come to all your shit, you aren’t going to be happy with me.
This pic is pretty indicative of my style. I love dresses. And statement jewelry. And Mary Jane style (or t-strap) heels. Pops of colors: like pink or red shoes. Sparkle. Peter Pan collars. Peplum. Bell sleeves. I’m a girly girl through and through.
I am trying to branch out a bit this fall, however. I’m going to invest in a couple of pairs of skinny jeans. Some tunics/sweaters/cardigans. I get a lot of compliments when I wear jeans because people aren’t used to seeing me that way anymore.
I have a pair of over the knee boots I can’t wait to rock, but it has still been hot as hell here in the Lou. I want to wear them with fish net stockings and a mini dress.
As for make up, I love hot pink, purple, and gold eyeshadow. Glittery is good. I don’t care that I’m 39. I wear what I want.
I’m a lip gloss girl. No lipstick for me. I hate the way it feels. No beige or nude lip colors ever. I hate that shit.
Patterned and/or brightly colored tights make me happy in the fall and winter.
I’ve recently gotten into vintage brooches and fun pins to stick on jackets, coats, sweaters, or bags.
Polka dot everything. I’m a polka dot whore.
I adore shoes! Sparkle flats, cat flats, and any shoe with a pom or flower embellishment. Must have them all.
I like to make a statement with my clothing. I hate looking boring. Fashion is only something I really started paying attention to around 2011. It’s been fun to see how my personal style has evolved.
My favorite time suck phone game is Candy Crush. I’ve been playing that shit for years. I’m on level 2979. K, L, and I obsess over it sometimes at the office. K is currently in the lead, but I’m gaining on her.
D and I play a lot of Yahtzee. We like to sit around and play Yahtzee in the great room while we drink and play records. This is a favorite Tuesday and/or Thursday night happy hour activity. We usually play three rounds. I have an app on my phone that we use to keep score.
We also like playing Game of Thrones card game. We played some in Tennessee. We need to pick it up again. It’s complicated to learn, but super fun once you get the hang of it. We also have the Game of Thrones board game, which we got as a wedding gift, but haven’t been able to play it yet because you need at least three people. We intend to have a little GoT game night sometime soon.
Obviously, I love playing D&D. We do a lot of that. We play with the kids. We play with friends. It’s (almost) always a good time. Except for that time D killed me. Don’t kill me, god damn it!
Another game I’ve played a few times that I really enjoy is the Battlestar Galactica board game. I always end up being the cylon. We only play that when Spence comes down (it’s his game). He’s coming down in November so hopefully he’ll bring it with him.
Oh I almost forgot video games! Around RiekAlt Manor, we like to play Mario Kart 8 and Rock Band. I think I want to pick up Karaoke Revolution, too. I used to love playing that one back in the day. I think the kids would enjoy it.
I met Carrie back in like 1998, I believe. We were in college. I thought she was cool, but we didn’t really become true friends until I moved back from California in 2002. From that moment on, we were tight.
Just last week we had a bestie day out, and we were reminiscing about how my ex used to never let us do stuff alone. Anytime we wanted to do anything, he insisted he tag along. Usually he’d bring Brad along, too. It was so pervasive that even six years post-divorce, it still feels a bit strange to be able to hang out just the two of us. But it’s awesome, obvs!
We have the same dark and sarcastic sense of humor. I love that I can tell her anything and her response is usually “same,” and vice versa. Admittedly, we can be mean girls sometimes, but we always keep it to ourselves. We’d never hurt anyone’s feelings on purpose. It just feels good to have a friend to whom you can say the shit that you aren’t supposed to say, and she won’t judge you for it. It’s like that meme/quote that says true love is seeing the ugly side of a person and deciding to stay anyway. We’ve stayed together through a lot of shit.
It’s awesome to have a friendship that isn’t high maintenance. We don’t have to talk every single day, and we always just pick up right where we left things. There’s no drama. Just 20 years of shared history. Shit…at one point we lived across the street from each other and saw each other almost every day!! I can’t imagine my life without her in it. She’s one of my ride or die bitches. You don’t get too many of those. You have to cherish them.
I love you, Carrie.
cinammon (though that smell is banned in our house now. ha)
coffee (though i don’t actually like the taste)
8 years ago was my baby shower. Thanks to Carrie for the reminder!
Those drunken walks home at night back when I lived in The Grove. So many nights we spent stumbling back, holding hands and laughing. Those were good times.
When Jackson was a toddler, he would sneak into my bed and cuddle with me at night. He would always wrap his arms around my neck and give a little sigh.
Beer Fridays at the old location (before everything changed).
Baking with my grandmother while we talked about politics.
Hanging out with Carrie, Brad, and James at the Columbia Mall.
Everything about my Gracie girl.
That feeling I used to get when I didn’t know if I’d ever get to be alone with him again. The wild abandon that caused.
Do you feel like a member of a community?
I do. More than ever, I feel like a real member of the local bankruptcy bar. I’ve made friends with several of my fellow attorneys, like real, close, genuine friendships. I used to be a loner, but I stepped outside my comfort zone, and I’m so glad I did.
What are your wishes for your body after you pass?
I want my family to do whatever brings them comfort. Wakes/visitations/whatever you want to call them, have never brought me much comfort so I’m not tied to any particular idea. Burial, cremation…I just don’t care really. I see the pros and the cons for all of it. I’ll make sure to leave enough money behind that they can do whatever they want funeral wise. My only real wish is that they remember me fondly. (Sappy, I know).
When do you have the most fun?
Spending time with my loved ones. Like today.