Sorry, I need to whine about it some more.

I am extremely tense at all times; even when I’m in bed trying to relax. Between the stress and the pain, I just can’t unclench. My muscles are constantly sore as a result. Also add in some bone pain with a side of headache. Oh and just enough indigestion to keep me guessing on the gastrointestinal mets. Fucking cancer, man.


All of my muscles are constantly sore.

All of them.

All the time.


I dream of massage. I may need to start going to someone regularly. Maybe I can get my insurance to pay for it? I’ve lived with chronic pain since I was 20 years old, but it’s never been this bad this consistently before. There are no pain free days anymore. On busy days like today, where I have to be a real adult, I dream of when I can take drugs to help (kind of) forget about the pain for a bit.

Tonight is bad. I’ve been prickly all night because of it. I want to crawl out of my skin.

rheumatology update

I spend way too much time at Barnes West Co Hospital.

My knees are all swollen, but we can’t switch up the meds, so I got cortisone shots in both knees. Damn those are a bitch, but they have worked well in the past, so it’s worth the pain.

I’ve been told I can’t run again until Saturday, which sucks because I’m past my NOPE weight according to the doctor’s scale. Ugh. So I guess I’ll just work what I can control: portion sizes, what I eat and drink, water intake, and tracking. That’s all more effective anyway.