(Are you singing Jimmy Eat World now? Lol)
I took my usual pain cocktail consisting of oxy, Tylenol, Advil, and gabapentin as soon as I got home. Then I busted out the heating pad and turned that bitch on high. I’m finally feeling some relief; praise jeebus.
I am extremely tense at all times; even when I’m in bed trying to relax. Between the stress and the pain, I just can’t unclench. My muscles are constantly sore as a result. Also add in some bone pain with a side of headache. Oh and just enough indigestion to keep me guessing on the gastrointestinal mets. Fucking cancer, man.
My lower back fucking kills right now, and I need it to stop, because my brain is screaming, “METS METS METS!!”
All of my muscles are constantly sore.
All of them.
All the time.
Seriously.
I dream of massage. I may need to start going to someone regularly. Maybe I can get my insurance to pay for it? I’ve lived with chronic pain since I was 20 years old, but it’s never been this bad this consistently before. There are no pain free days anymore. On busy days like today, where I have to be a real adult, I dream of when I can take drugs to help (kind of) forget about the pain for a bit.
Tonight is bad. I’ve been prickly all night because of it. I want to crawl out of my skin.
I’ve taken a bunch of valium today, and my body is more relaxed than it has been in like forever. I think I need to switch. Its muscle relaxing qualities are pretty amazing.
EVERYTHING HURTS 😢
I spend way too much time at Barnes West Co Hospital.
My knees are all swollen, but we can’t switch up the meds, so I got cortisone shots in both knees. Damn those are a bitch, but they have worked well in the past, so it’s worth the pain.
I’ve been told I can’t run again until Saturday, which sucks because I’m past my NOPE weight according to the doctor’s scale. Ugh. So I guess I’ll just work what I can control: portion sizes, what I eat and drink, water intake, and tracking. That’s all more effective anyway.
My head has been hurting literally for days, because I prob have brain mets, lol sob, and I’m thinking about just giving myself a lobotomy.
I guess I’ll have some tequila instead.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
I’m tired of feeling sick/poorly all the time.