My Mom & Sister

We had a five hour visit this afternoon/evening. It totally drained me, but it was definitely worth it. The vibe was much different than I anticipated. The conversation flowed. My mom brought a box of old pics that we reminisced over. We helped each other remember various things. We confessed things, and discussed others that were long overdue. There were def tears, but it felt good to be in their presence, just like how I always wanted it to be: honest and loving. We laughed even more than we cried.

Krystal was a mess as she was leaving, and she’s hopeful there will be time to see each other again, but is prepared for there not to be. I’m at peace with what I was able to say in parting, and I hope she takes it to heart. Despite us never having that traditional sisterly bond, I love her very, very much.

My mom is still here, since she’s staying the night, so I imagine things will get a bit more intense between us in the morning. I’ve called it a night though because I’m exhausted and I definitely need some rest.

I told them that they’re all that’s left of this family (considering Samantha is lost to heroin), and they need to try to put the bullshit behind them and start fresh. I hope my death can bring them closer at the very least. Tonight made it obvious that there is still lots of love here, and that doesn’t just go away.

I love you both. The good and the ugly. The ugly made us who we are, and there’s no time to live in regret. Never forget.

burning bridges

Pretty sure my cousin is smoking meth while arguing with me on Facebook. Nothing she says makes any sense.

Honestly, my favorite part was when she told me I could call her so we could discuss it further on the phone. Bitch, please. I don’t call people unless they pay me.

PS: I have a big post planned for later today. I even took notes! But for now…sleep.

heading home

Our little Bloomington adventure went much better than we were expecting. I’m thinking we’re all getting used to the new dynamic, and feeling more comfortable. There was no awkwardness. We actually just had fun.

After dinner we opened presents, and then the adults watched Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, which D and I had never seen. It was fucking crazy, but we liked it.

We went to bed around 1:30 but stayed up talking until around 2:30. Then I was up at 7. I’m going to need a nap later.

We survived

My mom stayed the night last night, but she just left, so I can now say that we have officially survived the extended family portion of Christmas. It was…a lot. Ultimately, however, I’m glad we got to see so many people, and work on rebuilding relationships. Our kids have obviously been craving these connections, so I’ll do my part to give them the family structure they crave. Not gonna lie though, it’s not really my cup of tea; two days in a row like that was particularly strenuous.

So now what? It’s Christmas Eve. Yay! Freya is already with her mom for the day. Jackson will be going to his dad’s house this afternoon. Dave and I will spend the evening gloriously alone, and we will pick the kids up bright and early tomorrow morning.

I’m excited to dig into a few of our Christmas Eve traditions, and maybe add some new things into the mix, but first I’m going to cuddle up on the couch with my Kindle and relax.

Hanging with my family always reminds me of how much of my childhood I have blocked out. They will share memories of things I did or said and I honestly cannot remember a lot of it. Trauma is a bitch like that, I guess.