2018 has been a difficult year for me, both health-wise and career-wise. But, as always, I have come out on the other side better for all of it. My motto for the year has been: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
From a health perspective: I have eliminated my chance of cervical and ovarian cancer, as well as drastically reduced my risk of breast cancer recurrence. It was a hard road to recovery, but I’m here now, and while there are some shitty side effects, I don’t regret my decision to have the surgeries.
As for my career: 2018 has been the most litigious year yet. It has been stressful as fuck, but I continue to learn and grow as an attorney. I am a better attorney today than I was on 1/1/18. These experiences have emboldened me, and I have started taking more complicated cases as a result. I take more chances. I have more confidence in my abilities. I am grateful for that.
My afternoon project has been a massive closet and bathroom cleaning.
I guess I don’t need this anymore:
I sent this to my husband after I walked out of the doctor’s office.
THEY JUST RESCHEDULED MY APPOINTMENT UNTIL FUCKING TUESDAY. I’M SO ANGRY.
Fuck it. I’m going to do what I want. I’m over this nonsense.
The husband woke up, cuddled up to me, and whispered, “Happy sex day.”
As I’m starting to feel more like myself, it’s getting increasingly difficult to not have sex. We had a close call last night.
Ahhhhhh! So frustrated.
Less than two weeks to go. Hopefully.
A combination of:
It’s like being a virgin again.
At least I can get the husband off. I’m not allowed to even orgasm on my own. So frustrating.
We have a few more weeks of this nonsense to go.
My next follow-up appointment with the doc is 5/31. Fingers crossed that I’m given the all clear that day.
Me, lecturing myself for doubting myself:
If you have to have a bad month or two in order to potentially have a longer, healthier life then you need to stfu and deal. You’ve got this.
I need to do what I did after breast cancer, and use this as a launching pad to positive life changes.
I already have some in mind. The waiting is hard, but six weeks is really not so long.
My doc says I can discontinue the antibiotics after tomorrow’s doses. That means I may be on my way to feeling somewhat human again by next week.
Yes, yes, yes!
I had a full on meltdown this morning. Yelling, sobbing, moaning…a complete breakdown. It was ugly.