Brain fried.

I keep zoning out. I’m so fucking tired. I shouldn’t do it, but I may need to take a short nap if I want any chance of staying up past 8:30 tonight.

I’m too tired to be interesting right now. Sorry.

the insomnia chronicles

I have insomnia, and the internet is boring, but I’m too lazy to fetch my Kindle from the other room. This is a recurring theme.

My husband woke up briefly, mumbled, “Hi you’re up,” and then immediately started snoring again. I envy his ability to sleep.

I, on the other hand, fell asleep around 2 am and woke around 4:15 am. Sigh.

I’ve never been a good sleeper, but it has definitely gotten worse post-menopause. Just another reason to miss my ovaries.

I was talking to a client last week who is also a fellow breast cancer survivor. We’ve had all the same surgeries. We commiserated for a while, but then she asked, “But doesn’t it feel good knowing we did everything we could?” And, yes, yes it does.

I’m going to ask my oncologist to prescribe some sleeping pills. I need some relief. This is ridiculous.

I FEEL LIKE I’M AWAKE ALL THE TIME. This is not good for one’s mental health, let me tell you.

It reminds me of my grandmother, actually. She always seemed to be awake too. See…I’m old. BUT I’M ONLY 40. *lol sob*

Speaking of old, the fans at the Blink concert had me feeling quite old. I kept thinking: these are not my people. (DMB has spoiled me). It was still a good show though, and it was fun watching my husband and daughter do their thing. ❤️

I miss Tom a lot. The band just isn’t the same without him. We’re seeing him next Sunday though, so yay! Oh and I can’t hear Matt Skiba without thinking about my favorite Alkaline Trio song. This has been stuck in my head all night:

This Could Be Love

I’ve got a book of matches
I’ve got a can of kerosene
I’ve got some bright ideas involving you and me
I don’t blame you for walking away
I touch myself at thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days

4 am thoughts

I’m sick of the news. It’s like nothing good is ever happening. It’s ridiculously depressing.

I’m exhausted, and yet never able to sleep; sometimes because my body sucks, and sometimes because somebody or something wakes me up. I’m honestly starting to feel angry about how tired I always am. Resentful.

I feel like I have nothing nice to say right now. I’m definitely grumpy af. I shouldn’t be awake.

This did not suck, which was surprising, because I usually dislike both double IPA and Boulevard beer.

I also enjoyed the new restaurant we tried tonight, despite our incompetent waiter.

I’m grateful today is Friday, because I’m almost at the end of a short fuse.

My eyes are heavy, but my heart is too.

I had a bad week exercise/calorie wise. Gotta get back on track today, particularly with the exercise, because I can tell it’s starting to work. The scale is being stubborn, but I can see and feel the changes. Consistency is key.

Send me good sleep vibes please.

Birthday list post: the early edition

– oh hey. I’m 40 today.

– I can’t sleep. It’s 3:18 am.

– today is our last day in Key West. We start the two day journey home tomorrow.

– baby, when I get home, I wanna believe in Jesus.

– not really. Those are the lyrics to Time Bomb.

– hammer in the final nail, and help me pick up the pieces.

– speaking of DMB, they’re playing Atlanta Tuesday night, and we will be in Atlanta on Tuesday night. We discussed grabbing lawn tickets, but ultimately it will be too much to get there in time. Tuesday will already be a long day.

– I’ll probably end up regretting that decision.

– Now that we have the SUV, we’re planning future road trips. We keep going east, so it’s time to go west.

– we’ve already planned to do Deer Creek again next year (DMB two nights in Indy). I think we’re going to camp. We want to see how it goes, and then maybe do it for the Gorge (3 days over Labor Day weekend/DMB in Washington).

– yes, we are crazy DMB people. Lol.

– I want to go to the Grand Canyon. And Yellowstone.

– when I get home, I need to get serious about losing some weight. I plan on drinking less beer and more water.

– I’m supposed to start up with my personal trainer again, but that may not happen right away due to some work shit.

– I need to do a separate post about the work shit, but that can wait.

– I’m not entirely sure what I want to do today, but I know there will be oysters and beer, and dessert at Better Than Sex.

– and actual sex. We’ve been fucking getting it, bro.

– we briefly worried earlier that we were lame for coming back to the room each night after dinner, instead of partying on Duval, but…nah. We have our own private pool. Every night, we come back, get naked, swim, fuck, drink, maybe smoke some weed, and listen to DMB. Then we come to bed where we watch a couple of episodes of TNG. If that means we’re old and lame, I’m fucking fine with it.

– I should try to sleep. It’s a big day, and I plan to live it up.