A lot of grumbling and sighing. A lot of wtf-ing. And also Christmas music.
Oh and it’s fucking freezing in here today. This is the downside of turning a giant sun room into an office. The heat in this old ass house doesn’t run to this room, so I need to acquire a new space heater asap.
and I don’t want to do all this *gestures wildly* anymore.
It’s at the point now where nothing helps. Vacations don’t help. Drinking doesn’t help. Talking about it doesn’t help.
Nothing. Fucking. Helps.
One of my long time employees put in her notice today. I essentially knew it was coming, because of a talk we had last week. Her leaving is going to be a huge change for the firm, and I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it feels like a huge blow, and I’m trying not to go down the wtf are we going to do rabbit hole. On the other hand, this forces me to make some changes that I’ve been avoiding dealing with simply because I could. I’ve relied upon her too much. I slipped into a comfort zone and got complacent. This may end up being a good thing for not only the firm, but for me as well.
Her last day is the 21st. I reserve the right to have a meltdown at some point in the next two weeks. Haha.
But it’s going to be okay. I’m always okay.
at the office
threw some shit
it felt fantastic
i’m not pushing my rage down inside anymore
it’s time these motherfuckers recognized
fuck. this. shit.
One of the things I’ve been super vague about on the blog recently is the state of my career or maybe I should say my happiness with my career.
Though maybe that isn’t even accurate, as I don’t think the career itself is the problem. I like being an attorney. I’m good at it. And if I’m saying I’m good at it, then I’m probably pretty fucking good at it, because I’m way hard on myself. I enjoy the areas of law in which I practice, though some of my clients can be real assholes. I’m not sure that would change if I transitioned to another practice area though. Because let’s be honest: people are entitled assholes. Period. Working with the public just sucks. That’s the beginning and the end of it.
I’m my own boss, which is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing for all the obvious reasons. I don’t think most people really appreciate, however, how difficult it is to be the one in charge. And I don’t mean just managing the people. I mean that at the end of the day, it is on my shoulders whether my employees receive a paycheck. If there is a problem with a case, it’s my ass on the line. At the end of the day, it all lays on my shoulders. Quite heavily. It’s a lot to deal with. I’m stressed all the time. All. The. Time.
My business partner and I started this business almost 8 years ago. We were both very different people then. There have been highs and lows. When it’s good, it’s really good, but when it’s bad…yikes. Resentments have built up. We have a volatile relationship. My partner doesn’t like being a lawyer. This bleeds into everything.
Partnering up in a business venture is a lot like getting married. Our financial interests are all tied up together. We have to make important decisions together. We don’t always agree on those decisions. If one of us decides we don’t like this partnership any longer, it is a legitimate break up. It would be more contentious and complicated that my actual divorce. I would essentially be burning down 8 years of hard work and starting over again. It’s not a decision to be made lightly, which is why I’ve been obsessing over it for the last year (at least).
Every day I have to ask myself if it is all still worth it. So far, it is. Some day I may reach my breaking point. As for now, I continue to amaze myself with how resilient I am.
After being out four days.
It’s going to be a long day.
I have muni court tonight at 7 pm. Gotta walk my client through a guilty plea.
It’s only 1:40 pm and I’m way over everything. Like this inbox filled with emails from assholes. And this pile of cases that all have problems.
Ugh. Ugh. Ughhhhh.
Oh and I have court every day this week.
I’m going to need a drink when I get home.
Hi, I have a foreclosure sale in 36 hours, but I have no money to pay you, and no income with which to make my mortgage payments. But I’m going to need you to stop that sale for me because I need to keep my house.
Lol. Okay, bro.