I’ve been stressing and obsessing all week over the fact that I was going to have to lay two staff members off on Friday.  However, after many meetings and much planning, we have a plan in place to avoid it…for the short term at least. The economy is good, which means bk filings are down, and money at the firm is tight. We’ve got to tighten the purse strings, and the employees need to step up their client conversion game. There will be a staff meeting in the morning.

Still…I am beyond relieved. I had a long meeting with my business partner and the office manager this afternoon. Afterwards, we all hugged because we feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

In related news…I suppose I should cut expenses from my personal budget. It’s okay, though. It’s long overdue. I’m quite spendy. Maybe this would be a good time to do a 30 day minimalism challenge? Saving is good, Jenn. You should save more.

This entire situation has reminded me just how lucky I am to have a spouse who can actually back me up if things go badly for me financially. We aren’t there yet, and I doubt we actually will be, but life is much less stressful when you know your partner can catch you if you fall. I’m still getting used to it. Such was not the case in my previous relationship.

PS: my husband is in an Uber on his way to the San Diego airport. He’s coming home to me and I have all the happy feelings! Better yet, it’s a non-custody weekend so it will be just the two of us for four glorious nights!


oh what a day!

It is definitely a Monday.

While it feels good to be back in the mix, I will say that I did not miss all the stress that comes along with being in the office every day. It was sort of nice to forget about all of this for a while. Unfortunately, things are suffering due to my long absence.

I feel like I’m riding a roller coaster.

It’s hard being the boss. Really fucking hard. Consider that the next time you get mad at yours.

a turning point (i hope)

I cried in the car on the drive home from KC last night. For a variety of reasons, though they are all work related. My anxiety/stress was raging. I felt like my heart was in my throat. I was so close to having a full on panic attack, and so I decided to cry it out instead. I also turned on all sorts of rage-y/emo/depressing music and sang my little heart out on the three hour drive home. It helped. I felt more in control by the time I got home, though everything was still a mess.

Ultimately, a relaxing evening with the husband helped bring some clarity to the situation. I came in this morning prepared to have a difficult conversation, and to make some changes. I was not met with the resistance I expected, and starting tomorrow we will be on a better path. I already feel a bit lighter.

There are certain stressors, however, which unfortunately cannot be eliminated right now. However, I do have ideas on how to manage those. I actually have an important meeting at 1:30 pm with another attorney who may be able to help. *fingers crossed* I suppose now would be a good time to add that my offer to settle the civil rights case was rejected, as I knew it would be, though I still held out a small amount of hope. Given this, it seems trial is right around the corner. Luckily, I have a litigation expert right upstairs who is willing to give me two hours of his time this afternoon to see what we can do.

All I know for sure is this: I cannot continue the way I’ve been going. It isn’t about the hard work. It’s about the stress. This past month has been incredibly bad for my health. I am not willing to jeopardize my health or relationships over this career. No fucking way.

Shout out to my incredible husband for believing in me, loving me, supporting me, encouraging me, and advising me through this insanity. I love you, babe. xoxo

KC things

  • Driving here so early in the morning totally blows. Approximately 3 1/2 hours when you factor in the stop I always make to get gas and a Diet Pepsi refill.
  • It’s the last hour that really sucks.
  • My hearing went well. I was a bit anxious, but it turns out I was worrying needlessly. That’s usually the case, but I never learn. I’m a worrier at heart.
  • This is my first time in our new office space. The building is cool, but needs some work. Our space is tiny, and needs new furniture, as well as some paint. It feels weird to be here, especially since I’m alone. Like I’m not even sure there is anyone else on this floor alone.
  • The location is pretty bad ass, however. We are in the Power and Light District. Lots of cool stuff around here.
  • And the view from my office window is pretty sweet.
  • This place is one of those trendy office share buildings. There is free local craft beer up on the 7th floor. I may have to go check that out later.
  • The people here are very nice. Way friendlier than STL people. It’s always interesting to me just how different people can be even when they’re only geographically separated by a few hundred miles.
  • For example, the maintenance guy has chatted me up several times already, but that could just be because he thinks I’m cute. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m cute, which is hilarious because I am way older than him.
  • My last appointment of the day (the 4 pm) rescheduled, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ll get home in time to spend some quality time with my husband.

I’ve started a trend…

A bring your dog to work trend.

Bismarck, the derpy husky, is mine, of course.

But also pictured is Lady, who belongs to our landlord. He is also an attorney, and works just upstairs. So sometimes Lady just randomly walks in when a client opens the shared interior door. Lady is a spaz.

And then there is Clara. She belongs to my business partner. She’s so very sweet.

This has been one of our better decisions. Having pets in the office has really helped to lighten the mood and relieve stress.

I’m sitting upstairs with the legal assistants today, and the conversations they have are cracking me the fuck up. I keep hearing them say things like, “I have no idea what you are talking about,” and, “I can’t understand you,” or “That doesn’t make sense.”

They have so much more patience than I do. I had a call earlier where I literally ended the call by saying, “Nope. Not today. Thanks.”