a tuesday truth: lawyer edition

I just learned of another local attorney suicide. These happen relatively frequently. This profession just chips away at your mental wellbeing, and getting out is nearly impossible. Once you take on clients, you are kind of fucked. It’s a never ending cycle of misery most days, tbh. I do not recommend that anyone ever go into private practice.

A few years back, my landlord (who had his own legal practice) killed himself because he didn’t see a way out. I know another guy that shot himself under a bridge because it became too much. Others just become alcoholics (hello) or drug addicts to deal with the stress. It’s not pretty.

Last night

There was a lot to celebrate.

There is a lot to tell, but details are still in the works, and there are others that need to be told before I put it out on the internet.

I’m feeling so many feelings. Relief. Guilt. Sadness. Anxiety – so much anxiety. But mostly, I’m feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.

heavy

Having candid convos with the husband about our/my future. I’m ready to not be a business owner anymore. My heart hasn’t been in it for a few years now, but it’s even more so now with my health issues. I’m thinking about approaching another local firm about merging, and me working part-time – maybe 30 hours per week. I am not ready to retire yet, but I’m ready to cut way back on my work responsibilities. I’m feeling all the feelings just writing this out: relief, shame, guilt.

I’ve also decided that once I fail my second treatment, I’m for sure retiring. So I need to get my shit in order way before that point. It’s irresponsible to keep moving forward this way.