Pet Peeve

When people message: “Hey I have a question! Got a sec??”

Ugh…just ask the damn question so I don’t have to go in blind.

And also – it’s never fast, so stop lying.

A big decision

I’ve decided I’m going back to work full-time in January.

I can’t be this person anymore.

As long as I’m able, I’m going to live a normal life. I’ve been feeling pretty good for a couple of weeks now, and I’m hopeful it will last.

Send all the good vibes. I need them.

That didn’t go well…

I got up, got dressed up, and headed to court. It is an hour drive from my place to this particular courthouse. About 30 min out, I started feeling extremely sick. About 15 min after that, I had to make an emergency stop at a gas station. It was bad enough that I had to call it – I texted K and told her what was happening. She said she’d call the clerk to explain. Both she and D were worried enough that they offered to pick me up, but I didn’t want to leave my car that far from home. I ended up sitting in the car for a while, drinking water, and that helped. Once the uncontrollable shaking stopped, I drove home.

Chemo can eat my entire dick. It’s difficult not to feel completely worthless when stuff like this happens. I cannot be relied upon anymore. I feel like a burden and a liability. A disappointment. I used to be a fucking bad ass bitch baller.


In other, somewhat related, news, earlier on my drive, a young deer jumped in front of my car. I barely had time to stop. I was very close to him, and we made eye contact for a few seconds before he ran off. He was absolutely stunning, and I’m so grateful he wasn’t hurt. It brought me joy to watch him gallop away. So magestic.

some tuesday tidings

I woke up feeling pretty good today. My energy is high (for me). I think today will be a good day.

On today’s agenda:

  • Cleaning all the things.
  • Finish up drafting a few legal docs.
  • Taking the boy to get a much needed haircut. He def has my hair – well the hair I used to have pre-cancer. It grows quickly and is very thick. His dad is bald, and has been for years, so he got lucky.
  • Picking up the girl from band at 4:30. I’m just waiting for her to ask if she can go to her bf’s house or if he can come here. Ugh. She is obsessed with this kid, and it is affecting everything she does (including her life goals – like she doesn’t want to go to college anymore, just wants to marry this kid). He was here last night. Had dinner with us. Then later they got busted getting it on – yep, yep, yep that happened. D is freaking out/furious/disappointed. I don’t know what to do with her anymore. There is a lot more going on that I am not going to share here, but none of it is good. She is quite the handful right now. I’m just lucky that she confides in me so that I can try to keep her from going completely off the rails. She does seem to take my advice to heart most of the time.
  • After that, I have to pretty myself up for date night with my gf. We are going to Dave & Busters tonight. I’m so excited.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll be driving about an hour for an in-person court hearing. It sounds like I only need a continuance, so it sucks that this requires an appearance, but it will be sort of good to get out into the mix; even if it is for something fucking stupid.

I do hate the clerks down in this particular county though. The PA, too. They are all a bunch of dicks and they hate the “big city attorneys” and treat us like shit. One of them asked me once if I was stupid because I asked about one of their procedures – I’m serious. LOL forever. Fucking hicks. I bet I get the Delta Variant down there.

Anyhoo – I have high hopes that these cancer meds are actually working for me, and that is maybe why I am feeling better, and that maybe life will feel normal for a bit. I/we deserve it.