I met with this dude a while back. He wants to file a Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Typically, I need pay stubs from the last six months if you’re going to file, but he told me he had been unemployed during that period. Cool. Makes my life easier.
Fast forward to today, when this same dude emails over a bunch of documents (so I can start prepping the case). He sends a bunch of pay stubs. Upon closer inspection, it seems he has created these pay stubs, from a website called Check Stub Maker. Each check has a watermark on it that says, “This watermark will be removed after purchase,” in big letters. Can’t miss it. So he goes to all this trouble to make pay stubs I wasn’t even looking for, that don’t help his case in anyway, and in fact may hurt his case, but then is too cheap and/or stupid to pay to get the fucking watermark removed. Jesus fuck, bro. Can’t make this stupidity up.
But my favorite part is still to come: My favorite part is that he misspelled the “employer’s” address. It should say South Hanley, but instead says Soutj Hanley.
lol lol lol.
It hurts my head trying to figure this out. Why??????
I know I come across as bitchy in these posts I write about my clients, but I’m just venting. In reality, I’m super nice to my clients until they give me a reason not to be, and most of them really like me. Well…as much as you can like your attorney. Haha.
Why do you call an attorney’s office to get a quote on traffic tickets, and then when asked, “what jurisdiction/what charges/when’s the court date?” you are like, “oh I don’t know…I don’t have the tickets with me.”
It happens all the fucking time. It’s insanity. How can I quote you when I don’t know what the fuck I’m signing up to do?
Please try using your brain. It doesn’t hurt, I promise.
Some guy just called and made an appointment to meet with me next Thursday to discuss bankruptcy. According to my assistant, upon finding out I’m a female, he chuckled and said, “Oh good. Female attorneys are way less intimidating.”
We shall see about that, motherfucker.
I put a note in his appointment on the calendar so I can remember he said it. That kind of shit annoys the fuck out of me.
One client recently bought a new car, despite the fact that she is already paying on two different cars, both of which are in excellent condition. In way of explanation, she said, “Well I made that decision (to buy the third car) while I was high on oxy, and I know I must have been really high too, because I told my boyfriend he could stick his thing in my butt. I never let him do that normally!”
Yep…that actually happened. I literally laughed out loud.
Tomorrow morning I’m defending a dude who bypassed the orange cones and drove onto a closed road where workers were present.
- Even I think this dude is a dumbass dick bag, and I am not sure I’m going to be able to get a good deal on this one.
- Dumbfuck was like, “I’m not from Missouri so I didn’t know what the cones meant.” Uh huh.
- He’s from Miami, which really explains everything tbh. Have you ever driven in Miami? Sweet motherfucking baby Jesus it’s a god damned disaster down there.
I’ve been working from noon to 9 pm and I’m pretty much over it at this point.
I’ve only made a small dent in the backlog.
Whatever. I still don’t miss my former business partner. I’d rather do this all day every day for the rest of my life than go back to the way things were.
I have perfected it. Haha.
You’ll never be able to say I was rude to you, but you’ll def know this bitch ain’t playing.
I got to have much needed drinks with these two this afternoon after a long docket full of fuckery.
I look awful here, but I wanted to capture the moment anyway. I love these ladies. ❤️❤️