annoyed af

I asked my ex to get Jackson’s hair cut last night, which he promised to do, but then he blew it off to celebrate National Tequila Day. This was after I explained how I really needed him to handle it (for once), since I have a bunch of stuff going on this week. So guess who is sitting at the hair salon right now? That would be me. Oh and guess who had the audacity to ask me for a loan this morning? That would be my ex.

Grrr.

fuck.

The ex and I told Jackson about Gracie. That went about as well as you’d imagine. He’s heartbroken…obviously.

So tomorrow afternoon it’s happening. I’m seriously sad. I’m also annoyed that the ex’s gf is insisting on being there. I mean…really?? So I guess I get to ugly cry in front of her. Even my ex is like yeah I wish she wasn’t coming. Ugh…catch a fucking hint. She’s not your dog. She was never your dog. She’s never going to be your dog. This is hard enough without adding her into the mix. I don’t have anything against her, but she’s going to make an awful situation extremely awkward. Fuck.

Can you tell I’m in a bad mood?

Oh and I’m pretty sure I have a raging sinus infection, but I’m too sick and tired and sad to do anything about it right now.

Maybe tomorrow.

lost and found

I’ve started packing up some of the stuff in my office. I mean…we have to be out of here by September 1st, and even though we have no place to go as of yet, that doesn’t mean this shit doesn’t have to get packed up.

I dug into the beautiful antique cabinet that I rarely venture into. In fact, I think it has been at least two years since I last peeked inside. It held three decorative boxes filled with pictures, scraps of paper, mementos. Things mostly forgotten about that likely need to be purged.

I did come across two things that surprised me a bit.

  1. I found my ex-husband’s birth certificate. It was in a manilla envelope along with my own. I suppose I should give that back, huh? I have no doubt I took it from him long ago for safe keeping. I swear, that man would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to his body.
  2. Even weirder to find? A note from my now husband and his then wife from way back in 2012. They sent me flowers when my step-father died. The note is sweet and cutesy. I remember thinking it was a classy thing to do. Now? I see it and feel awed at how much time can change things. I went to throw it away, but couldn’t do it for some reason. So I guess someday I will stumble upon it again. I wonder what will be going on in my life at that point.

Packing this room up is bittersweet. This office holds so many memories. My law firm has been in this building for 7 years. I’m going to miss it very much. At the same time, I’m looking forward to a change. Things have gotten stagnant. It’s time to mix things up.

from the mouths of babes

Freya said this to me after seeing me looking at the new arrivals tonight on the Modcloth app:

I feel like you and my mom have the exact same taste in clothes, because you both like the same stuff, and shop at the same stores. Sometimes you even have the same clothes. You guys actually have a lot in common. You two should be friends.

She’s so sweet. This isn’t the first time she has indicated that she would like me to be friends with her mom. She’s too innocent to understand how complicated that situation actually is. I will say, however, that it’s a real credit to all of her parental figures that she doesn’t even get why that’s not something that is likely to ever happen.

For the record, I’d like to be on friendlier terms with her mom. But…I get it.

Anyway, it was just interesting to hear this from Frey, and I wanted to make a record of it.

Step-parenting is an adventure for sure.

💙❤️💛💚💜

I remember this night so vividly. It was my bestie’s birthday weekend, and we were out celebrating with a big group of friends at Hamburger Mary’s. We went for dinner, drinks, and a drag show. My (now ex) husband was there, and he was a total dick the entire night. He was miserable, which meant everyone else had to be miserable as well. I remember at one point in the evening, I heard one friend say to another, “Ugh…I don’t know why Jenn stays with that asshole.” I remember thinking to myself: I don’t know why either.

The next day was Mother’s Day 2012. I woke up feeling horribly sad and defeated. I tried putting on my best fake smile, but eventually in the early afternoon I started sobbing. I finally told my husband that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. (To be fair, this wasn’t the first time I had told him, but this was the first time I was committed to the decision). It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He was heartbroken and angry and it was a nightmare. He eventually grabbed some things and left. But only after he had threatened all kinds of ugly and terrible things.

That evening, I sat alone on the floor, drinking straight from a bottle of vodka, listening to the saddest songs, and sobbing hysterically.

It’s a sad story to be sure, and it was a difficult journey getting to where we are now. But I know I’m much happier, and I like to think he is too. We’ve both changed a lot. We’ve blossomed into the people we were always supposed to be, but couldn’t be together.

Tomorrow I will take a moment from celebrating Mother’s Day to reflect upon the day I found the courage to make a huge change to better my life.