I remember this night so vividly. It was my bestie’s birthday weekend, and we were out celebrating with a big group of friends at Hamburger Mary’s. We went for dinner, drinks, and a drag show. My (now ex) husband was there, and he was a total dick the entire night. He was miserable, which meant everyone else had to be miserable as well. I remember at one point in the evening, I heard one friend say to another, “Ugh…I don’t know why Jenn stays with that asshole.” I remember thinking to myself: I don’t know why either.

The next day was Mother’s Day 2012. I woke up feeling horribly sad and defeated. I tried putting on my best fake smile, but eventually in the early afternoon I started sobbing. I finally told my husband that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. (To be fair, this wasn’t the first time I had told him, but this was the first time I was committed to the decision). It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He was heartbroken and angry and it was a nightmare. He eventually grabbed some things and left. But only after he had threatened all kinds of ugly and terrible things.

That evening, I sat alone on the floor, drinking straight from a bottle of vodka, listening to the saddest songs, and sobbing hysterically.

It’s a sad story to be sure, and it was a difficult journey getting to where we are now. But I know I’m much happier, and I like to think he is too. We’ve both changed a lot. We’ve blossomed into the people we were always supposed to be, but couldn’t be together.

Tomorrow I will take a moment from celebrating Mother’s Day to reflect upon the day I found the courage to make a huge change to better my life.

weird life things

I find myself giving my ex-husband relationship advice quite a bit. Not unsolicited. He seeks it out. He says he values my opinion.

It’s not always just relationship advice. He asks for my opinion on a variety of subjects.

It’s funny where you end up, huh? I like it though. For Jackson’s sake.

I’m grateful he didn’t let bitterness over our divorce ruin our parenting relationship. It looked like it was going that way early on, but he’s adjusted quite well.

Timehop

It’s weird to check Timehop and see the really old pics, like from over six years ago. There are occasionally pics of me with my ex-husband. Somehow that always surprises me. I just feel so removed from that time in my life. It’s almost like I was somebody else, and I guess I kind of was.

Shit I’ll never understand

My ex texted me last night wanting to know when I’d be picking up Jackson today (because spring break). I give him the options: either early or late because of work. He chooses early. We agree upon a time.

I arrive right at the agreed upon time. Guess who is still asleep? Guess who isn’t ready to go? Guess who got to pound on the door for five fucking minutes? Oh and call him over and over again to wake him up.

I fucking hate co-parenting.

But, on the other hand, shit like this is exactly why we got divorced. Because I can’t even with this bullshit.

Sad

My kid’s great grandfather died this morning. His dad’s grandpa. Not mine. I’m still sad, though. Grandpa Ted was a cool dude and I always really liked him. He was one of the first members of Grant’s family I ever met, and he was always super nice to me, and supportive of our relationship even when others were not. His funeral will be down in Fort Worth, so I’ll be keeping Jackson this week while his dad and grandmother attend.

I’m happy to have the type of relationship I do with my ex and his mom. I was able to have good conversations with both today, and express my condolences. Plus, I remembered some good times:

Motherfucking Olive Garden. 💙

A little Friday Mindfuck!

This picture was in my Facebook memories from six years ago today. It has 23 likes, but I can only see 21 of them, because the other two were obviously the exes. Realizing shit like that is always still a bit weird, though it honestly all feels like a different life to me at this point. Oh how far we’ve all come. Except…obviously not far enough to be unblocked. 😂

But look…isn’t my baby the cutest?! And so tiny. Why you grow so big, bb??? *sobs*