Hello Again

We finished our Community re-watch, though we did skip most of shitty season 4. I’m bummed it’s over, because it was a mindless way to pass time. Sometimes that’s just what I need.
I keep getting the most random songs stuck in my head. Most recently, it’s Riding With The King by BB King and Eric Clapton. I haven’t thought of BB in years, though I’ve seen him twice (maybe three times) in concert. So amazing.
I started The Housemaid’s Secret by Freida McFadden this afternoon. Speaking of mindless entertainment… Anyway – I bet I finish it during tonight’s insomnia sesh.
We switched up my pain meds again. Switching out Xtampza for Methadone. I thought the flavor of the liquid would be an issue, but it’s not too bad. Bitter for sure, but I was an IPA queen for many years, so I can handle bitter. Weirdly, I don’t care for coffee tho.
At this point, I’m continuing this blog mostly for my own sanity. I know I’ve become an extremely boring person, but I spend a lot of time alone, and sometimes I need to feel like I’m “talking.” Plus, people occasionally reach out to say they’re reading, and it’s an easy way to keep everyone who cares up to speed on the current sitch.
I did tell Jackson about the blog the other day, but not the URL. Just that it exists and will be waiting for him someday when D decides he’s mature enough to handle the content. He was happy to know. I told him that there’s a lot of talk about death and dying right now, and he agreed that isn’t good for him. When did he get so mature? My baby is a young man! I’m so incredibly proud of him. My beautiful legacy.
I think this particular blog has content from as far back as mid-2012. A most interesting and crazy time in my life. Life def wasn’t boring back then. It will give him (or anyone) a good picture of the person I am/was. I’m so thankful for my wordiness!
We have plans with our best couple friends for a fancy dinner out on Saturday night at a French restaurant, and I can’t stop thinking about their absolutely amazing French onion soup! I think I’m going to dress fancy too, assuming I feel up to it. Not much occasion to get out of lounge wear nowadays.
I need something to watch in my endless spare time. Any suggestions? I’ve been into documentaries recently. Good horror is always a win. No romance or feel good bullshit. Nothing cutesy that pretends to be dark either, like Wednesday.
One of my nearest and dearest asked me to write a toast for her wedding in May, and I’m all verklempt. If I can’t attend, another friend will read it on my behalf. I just hope my words can adequately convey my love for her, and my happiness that she has found her person.
A friend with Stage 4 colon cancer just entered hospice this week. I’m sending her all the love and peaceful vibes. She has really little kids. It’s so fucking unfair. A fucking tragedy. If I think about it too much, I’ll spiral. *deep breaths*
I’m meeting with Dr. D tomorrow to discuss hospice, because I want all the info going into my discussion with Dr. B on Monday. I suspect it might be time, or at least dangerously close, and I want to know what services we will have available. My biggest concern is that it will be too much for my family to handle on their own with limited support, so I want to know how often I’ll see a nurse, and how (and how costly) to get additional help. I want to die at home, but I’ll go into care if it’s easier for my family.
This is what I read that has me thinking more about this issue.
Tonight, D is going to make my favorite Alfredo, and we’re going to watch a cheesy romantic comedy. Then I’m going to hope for a good night of restful sleep. I never feel rested anymore.

it’s tuesday, right?

Today is a roll out of bed at the last minute and attend the telephone hearing in my pajamas sort of day.
My neighbors are putting in a swimming pool and it is loud as fuck, which isn’t conducive to working at home. I’m annoyed with them. For a variety of reasons.
Due to all the cancer & plague bullshit that took over my life these last few months, I never got Sansa to the vet to be spayed, and now she is in heat. Woo lord is it an ordeal! She walks around writhing and yowling in an attempt to get some dick. I feel bad for her, and have been giving her extra love. However, she is currently in the basement because I can’t have her screaming for dick while I’m on a court call. Lol – can you imagine? The good news is that the vet’s office is back open, and she has appointment to be seen on Monday afternoon. Hopefully, she can get the surgery asap, because I am not about this life.
So apparently in 2020, the new thing is to get a free mask with purchase. lol. Can’t make this shit up!

So Apricity – this lady out in LA makes the cutest dresses. I bought one (obvi) and it was delivered yesterday. It’s more orange in color than it appeared in the pic online, but I’m going to rock it anyway and hope for the best. Gotta step outside your comfort zone sometimes, right? As an aside: my (bio) dad’s favorite color was orange. Orange always makes me think of him.
Saw this on Facebook today and got super excited. Guess it’s time to finally get that Disney+ subscription we’ve been talking about for months:

Last night, I did the first run for Couch to 5k. I really like the app. It’s the best one of these types of apps I’ve ever used. It kept me motivated, and I was able to do all the running. I’m going to do another run after the hearing today, then shower, and get my ass in gear for the afternoon appointments. It’s a somewhat light day today, for which I am grateful.
I really need to get some work shit done. My motivation is in the toilet, and that’s not good. I’m fairly busy – busier than most of my colleagues – so I need to get my shit together and crank out some cases.
The hearing is about to start. Talk to ya later.

truthy tuesday things

This one guy, a client’s “man friend,” whom I got into it with previously, is too scared to come into the office now. He just drops her off and walks her to the door. I’m happy about this. That guy sucks. He knows what I think of him. Scamming motherfucker.
Not related to the above, I yelled to K today, “PLEASE TELL HIM TO JUST STAY HOME AND NOT TO COME IN HERE BECAUSE I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT IF HE DOES.”
It is, however, related to the fact that my business partner called in sick today, but is now trying to come in. Not trying to be mean, but I don’t need you here. I’ve got this, bro.
I don’t understand how one makes a legal determination regarding disposable income and the ability to file a certain chapter of bankruptcy without actually completeting those forms. It isn’t like this was obvious. In the end, I had it figured out in less than 15 minutes. I don’t understand. It’s making me ragey, tbh. This means nothing to anyone but me, I know, but that’s okay.
I’m going to need a drink tonight.
Didn’t run last night because I needed a break. Oh and also because I’m reading a book about a (fictional) serial killer, and it’s creeping me out. I’m already kind of scared to run by myself at night even though I don’t leave the subdivision – especially down at the far end where they are still building.
We are making beef and broccoli tonight and watching TNG. That sounds just right.
My biggest pet peeve, which I have mentioned a thousand times already, is people being late. It’s so fucking rude. Happening currently. This prospective client is 18 minutes late. I already hate her. Not a good way to start things off.
I AM (sometimes double) BOOKED EVERY HALF HOUR FOR THE ENTIRE WORK DAY – I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO BE LATE.
It did give me the time to write this post though. Lol.
She’s here now, so…

everything and nothing

It’s definitely a Monday. The clients are on. My staff is sort of pissy as a result of the clients being dicks. The phone won’t stop ringing. *sigh*
Whatever. I’m leaving in 30 minutes, and then I don’t come back until Wednesday, which is my last day until next Tuesday. Vacation ftw!
I went upstairs this morning to let Bizzy out of his kennel and to wake up Jackson for camp – and it was a bit of a mind fuck. I had forgotten that we’d changed up the sleeping arrangements. Everyone is in a new room! Everyone is also super duper happy, including the dog who seems to like being near my stuff. He really is my little furry shadow. Love him so much.
D said he’d buy me some study furniture as a birthday gift, so I need to pick some stuff out. We did a bit of looking around online yesterday while we were at the brewery. I found some cute stuff on Wayfair. Just have to figure out a budget and make some choices.
Today is supposed to be weigh in day, but I’ve decided to permanently change it to Thursday. Mondays are not good weigh in days, since I am usually retaining water from workouts and alcohol. I also consume more calories over the weekend. I’ve noticed that I’ll be high on Monday morning, and by Wednesday/Thursday I am back to normal. It also works out that my weekly points would reset on Thursday, which is essentially when our weekend begins.
I was complaining a bit to D this morning, before he left for work, that while I know it’s silly, I’m super focused on the number on the scale right now. He was like, “I don’t care what the scale says, you look awesome.” I needed to hear that.
I’m still having trouble walking properly due to all the squats on Saturday morning. The most difficult stuff is walking down the stairs and sitting down. OUCH!
Tomorrow I need to get some shit done for D’s family birthday/father’s day celebration, which is supposed to be Wednesday night (since we’ll be out of town all weekend, and then he’s going out of town after that, like he’s not even driving back to STL with me, but is instead flying to Pittsburgh). Time is flying and everything is sneaking up on me. I am so unprepared for everything going on this month.
For example: we only just finally booked our Nashville hotel today – as well as boarding for Bizzy. Procrastination party of 2! Lol. Our hotel looks amazing though. It is right off Broadway, and has an incredible rooftop pool and bar. I am so ready to be on this trip!!
Other vacation related to-do list stuff: book the Indy hotel, book the flights to Key West.
THE WEATHER TODAY IS FUCKING AMAZING. It was 75 and breezy last I was outside. My husband is unhappy, but I am in heaven.
The plan tonight is to run, but I’m a little concerned my wobbly legs won’t be able to handle it, so it may end up being a walk instead. The crazy part is that I’m in this much pain after Nancy promised not to kill me! This is her going easy on me. I’m so fucked. Lol.

spill the tea

My step-daughter asks me to “spill the tea” when I see her after she’s been at her mom’s house. Apparently, this means “tell me your gossip.” Lol. I don’t have much gossip, but I do have some random musings I feel like sharing:

My favorite internet train wreck may stop blogging, and this makes me very sad. It has been my favorite internet soap opera for the last several years.
Sorry not sorry.
I met a 30-year-old female today, and she was cracking me up. She was like, “So I told her, I don’t know how to write a check, like I’ve never even seen one.” God that made me feel old. Though I’m totally with her: checks are stupid and unnecessary.
While in Eureka Springs, I kept getting carded, and one waitress said, “You don’t look like you were born in the 70s.” To be fair, I was born in 1979, but still…totally going to revel in it anytime someone tells me I look younger than my age. Deal with it.
It reminds me of the time my step-daughter told me that I don’t look like the other moms. She said it in a complimentary way – just to be clear.
But then she said, “You are a cool mom,” and that reminded me of the mom from Mean Girls and I was like, “Oh no…” Lol.
I recently acquired three sheath dresses care of Old Navy, that are super cute and flattering. I’m going to wear one tomorrow (court day) and I’m super pumped about it. Rock that mom bod, baby.
Just yesterday, I canceled several subscriptions. To name a few: LeTote, Meundies, and Dollar Shave Club. I put Redbird Vintage Box on a temp hold; not because I don’t love it, but because my collection is getting a bit out of hand. I still have Allure Beauty Box, though if it doesn’t wow me this month then it will get canceled as well. I will likely never cancel my BOTM Club subscription, though the number of books on hand is starting to get a bit out of control. I need to give some away. That said, I still ordered two this month, and the only reason it wasn’t three is because I already received an advanced reader’s copy of the third (Recursion).
I won’t lie: I’ve been eyeing the Ann Taylor Loft fashion box.
I’m feeling really good today after all that exercise last night. I desperately need to stay on top of it for both my physical and mental health. I do wish that my knees could handle it better though.
There are a couple of carnivals in town – one of which Jack and I saw on the way to camp this morning – and I’m thinking about maybe taking the kids this weekend. We are also talking about going to a water park on Sunday. Of course, it looks like it might be storming all weekend, so maybe not.
Yes, I’m already dreaming of the weekend.
I’m leaving early today to get my hair done, so I should probably stop blogging and get back to work.
Peace & Love

bullets from the bed

D has a meeting this morning, so I get to be lazy until lunchtime. No complaints.
We’re on eastern time here. And then we’re springing forward this weekend – so my sense of time should be all nice and fucked up by the time I get back home on Monday.
Yesterday…I struggle with what to say about it here. I guess I’ll leave it at this: it felt like a bomb was thrown in our laps, and now we have to figure out how to fix the damage, and hopefully prevent future bombings. I feel sad, clueless, foolish, angry…so many different emotions. I hurt for so many different people right now. All in different ways. My job is to provide support. So that’s what I’m going to do. Support and love. Always and forever. I may talk about this in more detail at some point, because I think it’s an important topic. But for now, I need to protect privacy, as well as sort through my thoughts and feelings. But I’m sad. Very sad.
I’m learning as I go. Parenting is hard. You don’t know if you’re fucking it up until it’s too late.
I’m afraid to get too excited and/or potentially jinx it (I’m that person lol), but I’m thinking that the Xeljanz may be starting to work. Of course, it could just be a coincidence. All I know is that my knee was super swollen and painful yesterday, but it’s significantly improved this morning. I don’t normally make such quick recoveries. I’m cautiously optimistic. Today will make dose three, and so far the side effects have been very manageable. My body has responded favorably to these biological drugs in the past, so…fingers crossed.
I started Daisy Jones & The Six on the plane and it’s great so far.
As the plane landed last night, I realized that I’m always a bit surprised when I’ve made it without crashing. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned my fear of flying here. It used to be almost debilitating. I remember back in the early 2000s when I would lie awake at night, weeks before my actual flight, obsessing over it. Crying even. There were places I didn’t go because of it…trips I didn’t take. Therapy and meds helped. I can do it now, but I still don’t like it. I’m dreading having to fly back alone on Monday morning. Ultimately, however, you’ve gotta seize the day, because life is short. Cancer helped me realize that. So while I don’t like flying, I do like traveling, and so I get it done.
Today should be fun. Our hotel is right in the middle of all the fun stuff in downtown Cleveland. We’re meeting up with our friends tonight. I’m excited.

Happy Friday! Be gentle with yourself. Enjoy the weekend. xoxo