D and I had really hot sex tonight; a hot, hard, juicy fuck. Afterwards, I looked at him and sang, “Certified freak. Seven days a week. Wet ass pussy – make that pull-out game weak.” He laughed, and said,”What the hell is that?? That shit is pornagraphic.” He doesn’t know Cardi B. lol
He’s so cute, and I love him. Things are going really well right now, and I am happy.
xoxo
When I hear the lyric, “she’s been dying, and I’ve been drinking,” it feels like a good summary of our lives right now.
Lots of tears today. I know what I need to do, but it’s so difficult to pull the trigger. It’s hard to watch everyone move forward with their dreams and goals, while I have to rewrite mine.
***
Days like this, I don’t know what to do with myself
All day, and all night
I wander the halls along the walls
And under my breath, I say to myself
“I need fuel to take flight”
Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl?
They don’t know I used to sail the deep and tranquil seas
But he washed me ashore
And he took my pearl
And left an empty
Shell of me
And there’s too much going on
But it’s calm under the waves
In the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
And there’s too much going on
But it’s calm under the waves
In the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It’s calm under the waves
In the blue of my oblivion
Fiona Apple “Sullen Girl”
I want you, I woke up and one of us was crying
I want you, you said, “Young man, I do believe you’re dying”
I want you, if you need a second opinion as you seem to do these days
I want you, you can look in my eyes and you can count the ways
I want you, you’ve had your fun, you don’t get well no more
I want you, your fingernails go dragging down the wall
Be careful, darling, you might fall
It’s only doubts that we’re counting on fingers broken long ago
I read that with every broken heart we should become more adventurous
If you banish me from your prophets and if I get banished from the kingdom up above
I’d sacrifice money and heaven all for love
Let me be loved, let me be loved
And if my brain quits well I guess then that’s just it
And if my hands stop working you can call me lazy
And if I get pregnant I guess I’ll just have the baby
Let it be loved, let me be loved
I’ve been trying to nod my head but it’s like I’ve got a broken neck
Wanting to say I will as my last testament
For me to be saved and you to be brave we don’t have to walk down that aisle
Cause if marriage ain’t enough
Well, at least we’ll be loved.
I’ve felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east
And thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees
And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind
Get loved, make more, try to stay alive
I’ve been trying to nod my head but it’s like I’ve got a broken neck
Wanting to say I will as my last testament
For you to be saved and me to be brave we don’t have to walk down that aisle
Cause if marriage ain’t enough
Well at least we’ll be loved
More Adventurous – Rilo Kiley
There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there’s not much love to go around
Can’t you see this is the land of confusion?
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we’re given
Use them and let’s start trying
To make it a place worth living in
Just had an argument about life shit (because of cancer) with D, and then he had to leave to get Frey from band practice before we really had a chance to talk it out and make up. Now DMB is playing Some Devil during the Wednesday night concert, and I kind of just want to lie down and cry forever.
