I don’t even know where to start.

Everything is a mind fuck.

I held baby girl in my arms tonight though, at her request, and I’ll be forever grateful. We talked about the mindfuck that is trying to understand men and their bullshit hypocrisy. Basically: if you don’t fuck me, you’re a prude, but if you are sexual at all, you’re a whore.

I want to say more, but my husband poured tequila for us, and I want to be with him now.

I love you.

I’m still here.

Monday Musings

I dropped D at the airport this morning. I miss him already.

I have a lab appointment at the hospital at one. Then I’ll pick up the kids (including my furboi).

I’ve taken most of the week off. I’m trying to process everything.

I got an interesting call from my oncologist on Friday afternoon. She told me the PET does not confirm that the cancer has spread. She’s getting second opinions from two other doctors, and is supposed to call sometime today with more info. So right now it’s up in the air as to whether I will be staying the course or starting the new treatment. I have only told a couple of people this information.

Don’t get excited. Hope is a dangerous thing. I refuse to feel hopeful. I just feel tired instead.

The Little Rock Adventure (so far)

We ended up having to stay in Jonesboro last night, because I took the car on a little off road adventure, and popped our tire. Oopsie! Hey – at least I keep life exciting.

Anyway – I got the tire fixed this morning, and we spent the afternoon exploring the River Market District here in Little Rock. Now we’re resting up before heading back out tonight. I just can’t party like I used to – lol.

the tgif post

Wow – court is going very poorly today. I was number one on the 10:30 am docket, and we just started my case at 11:50. We are having lots of tech issues with the phone conference software today, and I just don’t understand how we can have so many phone problems. It’s 2021 – shouldn’t we be better than this? I hate to say it: but I think I’m ready for in-person court again. This shit is ridiculous.

I continue to scour the internet to try to find a vaccine appointment for Dave. Our (shitty) governor is eliminating all tiers as of April 9 (i think) and so I want to get him vaccinated asap (though he is already eligible under the current tier so it doesn’t really matter I guess/i just wanted to mention that Parsons is a dickbag). Trying to find an appointment is a full-time job on its own. As of tomorrow, my waiting period will be over and I will be considered fully vaccinated. That’s very exciting.

Today was weigh-in day, and I fell about .4 short of my 1% for the week, but I’m not too worried. I weighed in at 138.6 this morning, but I was as low as 136.7 yesterday morning. Weight fluctuates so much that I try not to get too stuck on a particular number as long as I am showing a loss from the previous Friday. It doesn’t help that my date night with Matt is on Thursday nights, and there is usually much eating and drinking on those nights. We got deep into some (shitty) beers last night – like I think I drank three Coronas. We had such a good time though, and it was totally worth it. We have gotten to a very comfortable point with each other where the conversation flows super well – like we run out of time before we run out of shit to say. I love that.

I have been trying on all my clothes over the last few days, and have so much stuff that doesn’t fit. I’m embarrassed by how much of it still has the tags attached! Oops. The issue is that I buy stuff, but then I don’t return it when it doesn’t fit or I don’t like it. I suck at returning stuff, like I can’t remember the last time I returned something. It has seriously been years. Anyway – I am in need of a few replacement items, so I am thinking about hitting up the outlets tomorrow to do a little shopping, assuming it’s not raining, of course. I am so over all of this rain.

D’s college bestie arrived last night, and they are downstairs playing Axis & Allies Pacific in the dining room. I hear bursts of loud laughter occasionally, and it makes me happy to know that D is having fun. He has been super stressed recently, and he really needs this time to unwind. We came home from a very fun night out on Tuesday, where he got quite intoxicated, and then had a bit of a breakdown. I am determined to do what I can to alleviate as much stress for him as I can. Obviously, I cannot do much for his work stress, but I can eliminate household stress by stepping up my game around here – so that is the new plan. Already in effect!

Alrighty – it is a little after noon now. Court is finally over. I am starving. I need to get some food and get myself dressed and presentable. I have 2 pm and 3 pm consults, and then I’m off to pick up Corrine and head over to Third Wheel for the lawyer happy hour tonight. Our lawyer pal rage quit his job a few weeks ago, so several of us are getting together to buy him drinks and get the scoop. It will be good to see everyone. It has been too long. C and I are arriving a bit early so we can have some girl talk prior to everyone else arriving. I have so much to tell her!

Happy Friday. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

xoxo

friday five

  1. I can tell I’m going to have a hard time adjusting to my new paralegal set-up. I’ve had the same assistant for the last ten years, and now she’s transitioning into a different position. I will still be working with her in my crim/traffic practice, but now have a staff of three new bankruptcy paralegals to rely upon, and I don’t wanna. lol. I want K. K is my person. I’m trying not to panic.
  2. I woke up feeling pretty shitty today, but otherwise in a good mood. The spring allergies are definitely trying to kill me. I also might be a touch hungover from the tequila and prosecco M and I shared last night. My face feels like it’s going to explode. No bueno. I need to stop somewhere in stl county and pick up some Claritin D. (You can’t get pseudoephedrine in my county w/o a prescription, because my county is fucking stupid).
  3. Speaking of last night, I had such a lovely time. Our relationship has def leveled up these past couple of months, and I am here for it. He really does feel like my actual boyfriend at this point. It’s nice.
  4. I stayed up late reading last night, and now I need another book. I have several unread books nearby, and a long to-read list on Goodreads, and still I search. It has to be exactly the right book for right now. That’s just how it goes for me. #booknerd
  5. This weekend has a lot of potential. Tonight is Friday night dinner date with my love, which is always the highlight of my week. How it’s possible to adore someone so much is beyond me, but it’s amazing. We are going to the outdoor beer festival at our neighborhood brewery tomorrow afternoon, which will be tits. N&N want to hang out, so maybe we will invite them along. The kids will be home, and I’d like to spend some quality time with them assuming they allow it. Fucking tween/teens, bro. Oh and I have a Zoom date with MVS on Sunday that I am very much looking forward to. Our first (virtual) date!

Happy weekending, y’all.
XOXO