Answers

We saw the oncologist today, and finally have some answers.

Here we are in the waiting room:

Cute af. Always.

Onto the news:

The cancer is the same cancer as before, which is a good thing, because there are a lot of treatment options. It seems to be limited to the hip bones, though we are doing an MRI to check the spine since I have pain there. I’ll be starting three new meds: a hormonal regulator (Falsodex), a bone modifier (Xgeva), and oral chemo (Ibrance). I’m a little concerned about the side effects of the chemo, but I’m trying not to freak out. The other two meds are injections, which I’ll have to go to the cancer center to get. I’m also meeting with the radiation oncologist to see if we can zap these little fuckers.

Hopefully this treatment will work, and will work for years. It’s even possible we can get to no evidence of disease (NED), which is always the goal. We are hoping for years, like maybe even five to ten years.

It’s hard to explain how we feel, because it’s good news, but as KC put it: it’s the best of the worst news. It still sucks. D and I have been calling it the Kobayashi Maru. It’s a no win situation: in the end, it will get me. People don’t seem to understand that, which is frustrating, but I get it.

Anyway – current status is awaiting insurance approvals, and then hopefully starting treatment next Friday.

After the appointment, we decided to grab a much needed and well deserved drink.

And then, upon returning home, we planned our D&D costumes for Sunday, which is the start of the D&D YouTube campaign. D will be a fighter, and I will be a druid.

😘😘

It’s a struggle

This dreary Monday after DST has me all out of sorts.

I haven’t been sleeping well the last few nights – even with sleeping pills.

I keep thinking about what happens after I die, and everyone moves on with their lives. More specifically, I keep thinking about D getting another girlfriend/wife. It makes me feel sick, like I might throw up. Of course I want him to be happy. I really do. But the thought of it is like taking a fucking bullet.

Fuck all of this bullshit. I’m so fucking angry today.

The Saturday Recap Post

It’s 6:49 am and it’s still dark af. Hello, DST.

Why am I awake so early on a Sunday? Good fucking question. My body is an asshole.

Let’s talk about yesterday…

My phone has been acting up – like I was restarting it five+ times per day. So we went to t-mobile and D bought me a new phone. I got an iPhone 11 Pro, and now that I have the hang of how to use it, I’m in love. This camera is insane!!

First new phone selfie:

I wore my flamingo dress yesterday, and got lots of looks. The cashier at Petco told me I was “quirky cute without trying too hard.” Lol okay.

Our weekend house project was to begin installing the pulls/handles on our kitchen cabinets. It only took us 3 1/2 years. Haha. We (and by we I mean D) installed the first set, and it looks great!

The goal is to have the entire kitchen done by the 28th (cancer party).

Speaking of the cancer party, the attendance list is fucking insane, and now certain colleagues are coming whom I never would have invited, but for word spreading, and people saying stuff like “everyone wants to come support you.” What am I supposed to say about that?

Okay back to yesterday:

We were planning on going out (specifically to the city for Thai food) but then decided to stay home and watch Star Trek. You might be an old nerd if…

We watched some original series, some DS9, and the first episode of Discovery. So good.

Here are some other pics that I want to post just because this camera is 🔥🔥🔥.

Cuties.

Oh I forgot to mention: while D and I were out to lunch yesterday, he received a text from his mom, whom he hasn’t spoken with in years, because her and his dad flat our refused to meet me. The first message said she was very sorry to hear about my cancer returning. We were both surprised. D thanked her. But then she responded with some long ass rant about how upset she is that we are athiests. Yep…there it is. Now the world makes sense again. Lol.

“And now with Jennifer so terribly sick, I can hardly bear the consequences of your atheism.”

I’m worried about a lot of things right now, burning in hell isn’t one of them. People are a constant disappointment.

Happy Sunday! Today is supposed to be beautiful. Seize the day!! ❤️

Friday night dinner date: back to basics

This is the most normal feeling night we’ve had since the news.

I got a lot of work done today, like I was in the fucking zone. Then I came home and did a run/walk on the treadmill.

To stay motivated, I tell myself I’m literally running for my life. It’s effective.

Then D came home and we made a classic Friday night dinner:

D’s pan searing technique has really improved. That filet was perfect.

There were a few tears tonight, but overall I’d say we’re improving.

Yes, that’s a bong in the background. Lol.

After dinner, we watched Star Trek 4.

Then we started ST5, but gave up, because we’re tired. And because it’s awful. Lol.

Karen texted us earlier that Freya is on a sort of date tonight! So that was exciting news.

It’s a little after midnight and D wants us to go to bed.

Goodnight ❤️

Goodbye, Trailhead. Thanks for the memories.

Last night, we went to dinner at Trailhead one last time before it officially becomes Schlafly. We spent a lot of time there early in our relationship, and so tribute had to be paid. I do think Schlafly will be a big improvement though. I’m looking forward to checking it out this summer.

That’s us outside the restaurant.