dreams so real

Trazadone has been giving me those super vivid dreams that you only get on (certain) drugs. I’ve also had waking dreams with it.


The first night I had a dream that I was making out with a very hot lady. We got onto the bed and started to undress, when she suddenly pulled out a dick. I was surprised, but into it, and started to go downtown. Then I discovered that the dick was covered in a light fur, and that maybe she was actually some kind of werewolf or something. I was strangely into it.

A couple of nights ago, I *think* I was still awake (though I guess I probably wasn’t), and I saw and heard a kitten on the floor next to my bed. I hurredly turned on the bedside lamp and jumped out of bed, just to realize that I was alone in the room. That one sort of freaked me out.

This is just the 50 mg dose. Freya takes this med too, and I asked her if she has vivid/strange dreams now, but she said she doesn’t.

I used to have similar experiences on Ambien – though Ambien was way crazier. I used to full on hallucinate on Ambien. Ah…those were the days. lol

It’s hard to believe

but my Otezla starter pack will be delivered on Wednesday. I have fought so hard to get this medicine (literally for years now…since breast cancer remission) and it is finally on its way to me. Holy fuck. Of course, I had to pay an ugly $300 copay, but at least it’s not $2000, right? Haha. Now that this is finally happening, I’m starting to feel a bit nervous. Chances are I’m going to be quite ill for a few weeks as I adjust to the side effects. As long as I’m adjusted by the wedding…that’s all I care about. Please send good vibes that these meds will work for me. I was walking around all weekend feeling like a 90-year-old because of how bad my joints have gotten. If this doesn’t work, I don’t have any other options for at least a year.

the chronic pain diaries

Everything hurts. It is 12:55 pm and I have yet to get out of bed. The culprits:

  • arthritis pain
  • nerve damage
  • chronic headaches
  • fibromyalgia
  • chronic fatigue

I’m a hot mess.

I try to keep it to myself. It just makes people sad when I bring it up. It’s not like there’s anything anyone can do about it.

My current meds:

  1. Tamoxifen (cancer med)
  2. Lexapro (depression)
  3. Lorazepam (anxiety/insomnia)
  4. Tramadol (pain med)
  5. Vagifem (hormone replacement)
  6. Celebrex (arthritis med/anti-inflammatory)
  7. Fioricet (headache med/muscle relaxer)
  8. Xanax (for when Lorazepam doesn’t cut it)

Today is a bad pain day, but hopefully tomorrow will be better. It doesn’t help that my shitty insurance fucked a bunch of stuff up and I have been off my Celebrex for over a week. I’ll finally be able to resume it today. 

Oh well…at least I can catch up on my blogging. Silver lining!


I took two Fioricet (new prescription) for my headache. This is my first time doing so. I’ve been getting lots of tension headaches lately so my doc hooked me up with a new med. It contains a barbiturate, and holy shit I’m loopy. I feel very chill and my headache is gone. Jenn approves. 

I have the best doc. She’s my business partner’s ex-wife and she is the shit.