the insomnia chronicles

I have insomnia, and the internet is boring, but I’m too lazy to fetch my Kindle from the other room. This is a recurring theme.

My husband woke up briefly, mumbled, “Hi you’re up,” and then immediately started snoring again. I envy his ability to sleep.

I, on the other hand, fell asleep around 2 am and woke around 4:15 am. Sigh.

I’ve never been a good sleeper, but it has definitely gotten worse post-menopause. Just another reason to miss my ovaries.

I was talking to a client last week who is also a fellow breast cancer survivor. We’ve had all the same surgeries. We commiserated for a while, but then she asked, “But doesn’t it feel good knowing we did everything we could?” And, yes, yes it does.

I’m going to ask my oncologist to prescribe some sleeping pills. I need some relief. This is ridiculous.

I FEEL LIKE I’M AWAKE ALL THE TIME. This is not good for one’s mental health, let me tell you.

It reminds me of my grandmother, actually. She always seemed to be awake too. See…I’m old. BUT I’M ONLY 40. *lol sob*

Speaking of old, the fans at the Blink concert had me feeling quite old. I kept thinking: these are not my people. (DMB has spoiled me). It was still a good show though, and it was fun watching my husband and daughter do their thing. ❤️

I miss Tom a lot. The band just isn’t the same without him. We’re seeing him next Sunday though, so yay! Oh and I can’t hear Matt Skiba without thinking about my favorite Alkaline Trio song. This has been stuck in my head all night:

This Could Be Love

I’ve got a book of matches
I’ve got a can of kerosene
I’ve got some bright ideas involving you and me
I don’t blame you for walking away
I touch myself at thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days

I went to see my rheumatologist this afternoon and I managed to get two potential clients out of it.

After my appointment, I was standing next to the nurse’s station scheduling my next appointment when a tech mistaked me for a drug rep because I “dress so nice.” Ha! So I jokingly said: it’s worse than that, I’m a lawyer! They asked my speciality, and next thing I know I’m passing out business cards. This sort of thing happens more than you’d think.

I had x-rays taken of my hands. They’re in poor shape. Even I could see the joint damage on the film. Fucking arthritis.

She wants me to stop running because she can feel the swelling in my knees, but I was like: listen, I’m already getting fat because of menopause. You can’t take away the only exercise I enjoy. So she sighed and told me I better start wearing my knee braces.

Follow up in six months. I better weigh ten pounds less by then. Their scale was fucking brutal today. 🤬

Interesting observation

I’ve been trying something out and I’ve noticed a pattern. On nights where I smoke weed before bed, my night sweats are significantly reduced.

I’m telling you guys, weed really is a miracle drug. It helps me with so much stuff.

However, I’ve decided to try this other natural remedy as well. It has amazing reviews. It’s on its way now via Amazon.

super bad

So…no more Effexor for me.

I took the second dose after dinner. Over the course of the night my headache and nausea got pretty bad, but I was handling it. I went to bed, and my thoughts started racing and turned quite dark. My heart was beating super fast. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my body, and started having suicidal thoughts. I was dry heaving and it felt like my left eye was going to explode. My poor husband woke up and found out what was going on. Naturally, he was freaking out. He sat with me through the worst of it, and I finally fell asleep sometime around three.

Fuck. That. Shit.

I guess it’s time to look into some natural remedies.

burning the fuck up

I’m hot flashing like a mf today.

And I woke up like 5 times last night from night sweats. I’ve started keeping a towel next to the bed. That’s how ridiculous this shit has gotten.

Luckily, I contacted my doc and she called in a prescription for Effexor, which is supposed to help a lot. It’s an anti-depressant, but apparently is used for this issue as well. I’ll be picking it up on the way home. I’ve read some things online that suggest it works quickly. God I fucking hope so.

I took Effexor once before several years back, so I know I have a good two weeks of nausea and headaches to look forward to while I adjust to the meds.


Menopause is such a fucking delight let me tell you.

Reminder (notes)

I’ve had horrible insomnia since my surgery. I’ve read that this is a menopause thing. Also, the night sweats are insane. So the little sleep I do manage is constantly interrupted. I have an appointment with my doc on Wednesday. I’m going to ask for pills to deal with both issues. Luckily, she told me prior to surgery that she’d prescribe whatever I need to manage the side effects.