It’s exhausting living inside of this body.
I’m kind of digging this bed head look.
I’m not having the awful side effects from faslodex that I usually have on treatment day.
Maybe I’m adjusting?
*knocks on wood*
My tumor markers are going down.
Went to bed around 12:30 and was awake again by 4.
I never sleep well the night before treatment.
And now that my workday is over, I’m in weekend mode.
But let’s rewind –
I feel like I’ve been neglecting the blog a bit recently. That’s due to a combination of utter boredom and feeling shitty. I woke up feeling fairly good today, so I decided to take advantage. Hence the fancy attire earlier:
This morning when I woke up, I decided to take a “before” pic. Before what – I’m not entirely sure. I mostly just want to see if my body changes at all during the couch to 10k training.
Trying to reduce that mom tum a bit.
I ran today after my last appointment of the day, and it felt good. I’m hovering right around 5k, but slow and steady is definitely what I need right now. The app only wants me running three days per week, so I walk the other days (when my body allows it).
I read somewhere that 30 min of cardio, 5 days per week, can be as effective as chemo, and while I doubt that is true, I’ve taken it to heart.
I need new running shoes. See those holes? 😆
I participated in a town hall zoom meeting for STL Co courts this afternoon regarding the crim and traffic divisions, and what the new procedures are going to be moving forward. I kind of can’t believe this is reality. Life feels so strange. I will say that the silver lining of the virus for the legal profession will be that it is forcing the courts to finally embrace technology. We will be doing Zoom court appearances, and eliminating so much bureaucracy in the process.
I’m off tomorrow because I have treatment in the morning, and I know I’ll feel shitty afterward. My plan is to come home and lounge on the couch while I watch Netflix all day. I’m looking forward to it. I deserve a couch day.
In other news: my hair stylist reached out to me to say she would open the salon for me on a day where nobody else will be there so that I can get my hair cut. I love her so much, and am so grateful. I need to cut this hair so it will be easier to manage (and look better) while I adjust to these meds. I sure do hope the shedding will slow down soon. I’m really depressed about it.
I was feeling like I shouldn’t risk it, but D says we can’t completely neglect our mental health, and I agree. Plus, we will be wearing masks and sanitizing everything. I will ask the oncologist what he thinks when I see him tomorrow. It my white counts are decent, then I suspect he will says it’s okay.
Waiting on D to get back from his run so we can do our Thursday night thing.
Happy Friday Eve!
I lost a lot of hair today.
It’s time for a pixie haircut, I think.
And maybe a wig.
And fuck this stupid virus.
I almost buzzed my head tonight. The only reason I didn’t is because I don’t have clippers.
I’m so over everything.
Greetings from Quarantine Day 58 (I think). I’ve lost track.
Bonus cat pic just because.
This meme feels relevant today. It’s mid-May, but it’s barely 60 degrees outside. I’m wearing leggings under my dress, and we have the heat turned on in the house. It’s ridiculous. I’m ready for warmer weather.
Other memes that spoke to me today:
I downloaded a Couch to 10k app. I get a 7 free day trial, and then have to pay like $12 or something. I’ve decided I need a project, and this is going to be the project. I like this app because it had me do an assessment to determine where in the program I should start. I looked at what will be my starting run, and it seems right on point for my fitness level. I’m going to do the first run after my appointments are finished for the day.
I feel unwell. I’m still on that same “allergies combined with drug side effects” struggle bus. I’m crazy exhausted today, which I know is from my white & red blood cell counts being low. This is my recovery week (from Ibrance), but I basically feel like hot garbage right now. I have an appointment Friday with the oncologist, where I will get another round of Faslodex injections (uggggghhhhh) and then I start round 3 of Ibrance on Saturday night. I’m not looking forward to any of it.
Holy fuck I feel bad right now. *sad face*
I’m anxious to see what, if any, fallout occurs from everyone being out and about again in my county. I heard/read reports of restaurants and bars being absolutely packed this weekend – like with people shoulder to shoulder – with almost nobody wearing masks. I figure by the end of this month we should know whether that was an epic fail or not. I’m assuming it will be. I will be staying in for now and seeing how it goes.
I was at Target on Saturday afternoon, and it wasn’t too bad. Most people had on masks. Target was doing a good job of trying to make social distancing happen. I’m in no rush to do it again though. Going out nowadays feels gross and wrong…dangerous. I hate it. I hate all of this.
It was interesting to see what was out of stock. Freya wanted candles for her mom, but there were very few remaining, so I got the best ones I could. The craft aisle was empty. All the bicycles were gone. Still no toilet paper, but we did get some paper towels, which we needed. We’re good on toilet paper (Thanks, Amazon!).
Freya is with her mom all week, and we are sort of bummed about it, but it was only fair given that we had her for (almost) an entire week due to her mom being (potentially) exposed to Covid-19 (and we offered – it isn’t like she asked). Thankfully, K seems to be fine.
I’m already dreaming of the weekend. Too soon?
Every time a new pain pops up, I just assume it is cancer, and it really, really sucks.
Though, to be fair, this current pain is in a spot where I actually know there is a tumor, so I guess I should just pop some pain pills and calm the fuck down about it.
The good news is that I haven’t had any pain in the spot that was radiated a month or so ago, so that’s good. It was really bothering me prior to that.
I don’t have to set an alarm tomorrow, and it feels glorious. My first appointment isn’t until 11, so I plan to sleep in if my body will allow it. I took my first dose of Lexapro tonight, so I’m nervous I’m not going to be feeling well tomorrow. Send good vibes, please.
My first therapy session went really well. I really like her a lot. She’s super easy to talk to, and we dug into a lot of shit, which is normal for session 1. Topics included: cancer (obvi), relationship stuff, self-esteem/body image issues, swinging/lifestyle stuff, parenting, and my career/the law firm. I’m going to be seeing her every two weeks for now. I felt heard/seen/accepted. It was good. I should have done this a while ago.