little reminders

Recently, I’ve been listening almost exclusively to those playlists Spotify makes based upon your history, and this song has come up several times. I love, love, love this song, and I kind of hate that it now reminds me of my ex-husband and our divorce.

Back story:

Drive-By Truckers was one of the bands we discovered, and loved, together. We saw them like three or four times in concert. Jason Isbell was/is our favorite. All of his songs are beautiful, though poignant as fuck. The lyrics fuck me up. This song was always our favorite of them.

After our divorce, my ex got lyrics from this song tattooed on his arm, and now I can’t hear this song without thinking of that.

The tattoo is a beach at night with these lyrics:

“Well I ain’t really drowning ’cause I see the beach from here.”

Which was always my favorite lyric, because fuck if I haven’t felt that way so often in my own life. It’s hard sometimes, knowing that I made someone else feel that way as well.

Throwback Thursday: music edition

I’ve been listening to oldie (but goodie) music this last week. It started with revisiting my Tori Amos playlist, and then I moved onto Metric, and The Rolling Stones (weird combo, I know), and this morning is all about Neil Finn. I love me some Neil Finn.

I saw Neil once back in like 2001-ish somewhere down in Orange County, when I lived in Cali. It was one of the beaches…Huntington Beach maybe. He put on an amazing show, and we were super close, like at a table right in front of the stage. (We waited hours in line to get such amazing seats, which is a thing my ex and I used to do). About half-way through the show, Eddie Veder showed up, and joined Neil on the stage, where they performed Stuff and Nonsense (and a couple of other songs). Ahhhh so fucking good.

Seeing Angels & Airwaves last weekend brought back a lot of live music memories for me. I used to see shows all the time – like several times per month. I’m not going to be able to get back to that given all my responsibilities, but I do want to make more of an effort to see live music (that isn’t DMB…lol). I saw that Grace Potter is coming to STL sometime next month, and I’m thinking I need to make that happen. I heart Grace Potter.

the insomnia chronicles

I have insomnia, and the internet is boring, but I’m too lazy to fetch my Kindle from the other room. This is a recurring theme.

My husband woke up briefly, mumbled, “Hi you’re up,” and then immediately started snoring again. I envy his ability to sleep.

I, on the other hand, fell asleep around 2 am and woke around 4:15 am. Sigh.

I’ve never been a good sleeper, but it has definitely gotten worse post-menopause. Just another reason to miss my ovaries.

I was talking to a client last week who is also a fellow breast cancer survivor. We’ve had all the same surgeries. We commiserated for a while, but then she asked, “But doesn’t it feel good knowing we did everything we could?” And, yes, yes it does.

I’m going to ask my oncologist to prescribe some sleeping pills. I need some relief. This is ridiculous.

I FEEL LIKE I’M AWAKE ALL THE TIME. This is not good for one’s mental health, let me tell you.

It reminds me of my grandmother, actually. She always seemed to be awake too. See…I’m old. BUT I’M ONLY 40. *lol sob*

Speaking of old, the fans at the Blink concert had me feeling quite old. I kept thinking: these are not my people. (DMB has spoiled me). It was still a good show though, and it was fun watching my husband and daughter do their thing. ❤️

I miss Tom a lot. The band just isn’t the same without him. We’re seeing him next Sunday though, so yay! Oh and I can’t hear Matt Skiba without thinking about my favorite Alkaline Trio song. This has been stuck in my head all night:

This Could Be Love

I’ve got a book of matches
I’ve got a can of kerosene
I’ve got some bright ideas involving you and me
I don’t blame you for walking away
I touch myself at thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days