I had my yearly oncology appointment yesterday. It’s still weird to me that I only go once a year. It makes me feel nervous.
The short version is that he wants me to start Lexapro to help with some of my menopause side effects, and also to help with my depression/anxiety. It is sitting at Walgreens waiting for me to pick it up. I suppose I’ll start it tonight if I can manage to get out of the house later. Fingers crossed it goes over better than the Effexor did.
He wants me to go back on Tamoxifen (or a similar drug) at some point, but told me to take the next six months to allow my body to continue to recover from the hell it went though with the hysterectomy/oophorectomy. So I go back in May to deal with that.
Considering all the bad news I’ve gotten recently regarding friends being diagnosed with cancer, I will take the pills and be happy I have that to fall back on.
Oh and it occurred to me yesterday that I’m a six year survivor! How about that!
2018 has been a difficult year for me, both health-wise and career-wise. But, as always, I have come out on the other side better for all of it. My motto for the year has been: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
From a health perspective: I have eliminated my chance of cervical and ovarian cancer, as well as drastically reduced my risk of breast cancer recurrence. It was a hard road to recovery, but I’m here now, and while there are some shitty side effects, I don’t regret my decision to have the surgeries.
As for my career: 2018 has been the most litigious year yet. It has been stressful as fuck, but I continue to learn and grow as an attorney. I am a better attorney today than I was on 1/1/18. These experiences have emboldened me, and I have started taking more complicated cases as a result. I take more chances. I have more confidence in my abilities. I am grateful for that.
My afternoon project has been a massive closet and bathroom cleaning.
I guess I don’t need this anymore:
I sent this to my husband after I walked out of the doctor’s office.
THEY JUST RESCHEDULED MY APPOINTMENT UNTIL FUCKING TUESDAY. I’M SO ANGRY.
Fuck it. I’m going to do what I want. I’m over this nonsense.
The husband woke up, cuddled up to me, and whispered, “Happy sex day.”
As I’m starting to feel more like myself, it’s getting increasingly difficult to not have sex. We had a close call last night.
Ahhhhhh! So frustrated.
Less than two weeks to go. Hopefully.
A combination of:
It’s like being a virgin again.
At least I can get the husband off. I’m not allowed to even orgasm on my own. So frustrating.
We have a few more weeks of this nonsense to go.
My next follow-up appointment with the doc is 5/31. Fingers crossed that I’m given the all clear that day.
So…no more Effexor for me.
I took the second dose after dinner. Over the course of the night my headache and nausea got pretty bad, but I was handling it. I went to bed, and my thoughts started racing and turned quite dark. My heart was beating super fast. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my body, and started having suicidal thoughts. I was dry heaving and it felt like my left eye was going to explode. My poor husband woke up and found out what was going on. Naturally, he was freaking out. He sat with me through the worst of it, and I finally fell asleep sometime around three.
Fuck. That. Shit.
I guess it’s time to look into some natural remedies.
I’m hot flashing like a mf today.
And I woke up like 5 times last night from night sweats. I’ve started keeping a towel next to the bed. That’s how ridiculous this shit has gotten.
Luckily, I contacted my doc and she called in a prescription for Effexor, which is supposed to help a lot. It’s an anti-depressant, but apparently is used for this issue as well. I’ll be picking it up on the way home. I’ve read some things online that suggest it works quickly. God I fucking hope so.
I took Effexor once before several years back, so I know I have a good two weeks of nausea and headaches to look forward to while I adjust to the meds.
Menopause is such a fucking delight let me tell you.