That means it’s Friday the 13th – kind of. Ha.
Anyhoo – another day into this mess. When will people start taking it seriously? I drove to pick up the kids today (from the other parents’ houses) and saw so many people out and about just hanging out like no big deal. I passed Faust Park and the playground was packed. I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
I hate people.
The bk court has decided to resume 341 hearings as of April 6th – but they are doing them all via telephone. This is going to be a fucking shit show. A colleague/friend was telling me that the court would prefer for us to have our clients come to our office to do this and I was like LOL NOPE. I’m not dying so that someone can get a bankruptcy discharge. Fuck all of that bullshit. Everyone can call in separately, and when it is a total shit show, they can fucking deal with it. It is what it is. It’s not like it isn’t within their power to continue these hearings for another month. It isn’t going to hurt anything/anyone.
The court has also asked that we use a landline phone, which I don’t have at home, and I’m sure as fuck not driving 45 minutes to use the one at my office. I don’t give a single fuck. Who has a landline at home anymore? Ffs.
I’m ready to make steaks, drink wine, and chill.
I did a quick run/walk this morning. We plan to do another long dog walk later. We did almost three miles last night. And I did 5k on Tuesday. Gotta burn off all the beer I’ve been drinking. Lol.
And I’m wearing another cat dress:
I had an appointment with the GI doc on Zoom. You’ve gotta love technology.
I have a bunch of phone consultations this afternoon- starting at 11:30.
Today is pizza lunch Thursday. That’s a thing we’ve been doing.
Tonight the plan is to cook and watch the Dave Matthews livestream.
So far I’ve also gotten Jackson through his homeschooling for the day, and have him doing his chores now.
Not too shabby.
Lunchtime sex breaks.
I watched Contagion tonight, and now I’m even more freaked out.
I think this is actually Quarantine Day 10.
The days all run together at this point. I should stop counting.
I emailed my oncologist and told him I was losing my shit, so he called me in some Xanax. Fucking finally, bro. He told me to only take it as needed, and I’m like lol okay, dude, that’s like every minute of my fucking day anymore. I have metastatic cancer, and am immunocompromised during a fucking pandemic. I’m trapped in my fucking house. I’m also currently adjusting to two new meds with brutal side effects. Oh and all of this has happened within the last fucking month. Give me a minute.
The Ibrance (most likely) is causing rapid heart rate and some chest pains, so he advised that I stop it for two days to see if that is for sure the cause. If so, there is apparently a lower dose we can try. I’m not wanting to give up on it unless I absolutely have to. There aren’t enough treatment options to just discard one that might work. Ugh. In a lot of ways, the treatment is worse than the disease itself.
When I washed my hair this morning, there was more in my hand than normal. Ugh. Let the shedding begin. I fucking hate cancer. If I end up needing a wig, I’m getting one of those super expensive human hair ones this time. FUCK IT. What am I saving my money for? *lol sob*
I’m trying to stay positive. I’m alive. I don’t seem to have Covid-19. My family is healthy. We are lucky to be financially secure and able to work from home. I really shouldn’t complain.
- Not feeling great today. The side effects are creeping in.
- This fatigue is a bitch.
- The kids are back after a weekend with the other parents. Freya has been very chatty and seems happy to be home. Jackson has been holed up in his room all damn day. 🤷🏻♀️
- I got very little done today, but I’m trying not to beat myself up. With everything going on, I feel like I’m doing quite well all things considered.
- Tomorrow is another chance to get it right. Whatever that even means anymore.
- I’m definitely gaining weight. Ugh.
- It’s cold again, and I hate it. I want to be able to hang outside on the deck, and maybe grill.
- The more I read the news, the more freaked out I get. I never want to leave the house again at this point.
- I got a message that Jackson’s school is now closed until the 23rd, but I imagine it will be even longer. In fact, I’m not expecting him to go back this school year.
- I have to set up a computer for him to work on. E-school starts on Wednesday.
- I’m in the bathtub right now, and it is glorious. This giant tub might be my favorite thing. I haven’t been able to take a bath for several weeks. First because of the biopsy, and then because of the rads markers. Showers just aren’t the same.
- We have been doing a fantastic job of maximizing our food, but another trip to the store is needed soon, and that freaks me out. D will go without me, but I’m still worried.
- I’m worried about everything right now, like so much so that my heart is always racing, and I can’t sleep.
- I’m also angry. Our government is a fucking disaster.
- I just remembered I forgot to take my Ibrance at dinner time. Gotta go do it now.
It feels really weird to be carrying on with these phone consultations today like nothing is wrong and the world isn’t falling apart around us.