- I can tell I’m going to have a hard time adjusting to my new paralegal set-up. I’ve had the same assistant for the last ten years, and now she’s transitioning into a different position. I will still be working with her in my crim/traffic practice, but now have a staff of three new bankruptcy paralegals to rely upon, and I don’t wanna. lol. I want K. K is my person. I’m trying not to panic.
- I woke up feeling pretty shitty today, but otherwise in a good mood. The spring allergies are definitely trying to kill me. I also might be a touch hungover from the tequila and prosecco M and I shared last night. My face feels like it’s going to explode. No bueno. I need to stop somewhere in stl county and pick up some Claritin D. (You can’t get pseudoephedrine in my county w/o a prescription, because my county is fucking stupid).
- Speaking of last night, I had such a lovely time. Our relationship has def leveled up these past couple of months, and I am here for it. He really does feel like my actual boyfriend at this point. It’s nice.
- I stayed up late reading last night, and now I need another book. I have several unread books nearby, and a long to-read list on Goodreads, and still I search. It has to be exactly the right book for right now. That’s just how it goes for me. #booknerd
- This weekend has a lot of potential. Tonight is Friday night dinner date with my love, which is always the highlight of my week. How it’s possible to adore someone so much is beyond me, but it’s amazing. We are going to the outdoor beer festival at our neighborhood brewery tomorrow afternoon, which will be tits. N&N want to hang out, so maybe we will invite them along. The kids will be home, and I’d like to spend some quality time with them assuming they allow it. Fucking tween/teens, bro. Oh and I have a Zoom date with MVS on Sunday that I am very much looking forward to. Our first (virtual) date!
Happy weekending, y’all.
- the line between not enough attention and too much is a thin one for me. it’s an INFJ thing. i’m not an easy person to get close to. i have a wall.
- i tend to obsess over my partners “liking” another female’s post (especially a sexy post) on social media. (lol – that’s not very poly of you jenn)
- the jealousy is strong with this one.
- i am not an easy person to be in a relationship with. i am extremely high maintenance. i’m working on it (always), and i like to think i’m worth it, but…caveat emptor. lol
- i’m not sure what info i’m entitled to regarding who another partner is interested in/seeing/sleeping with.
- i don’t even know how much i actually want to know about that either.
- i like that the jealousy workbook talks about a relationship spectrum. i’m not like super poly, but i’m not monogamous either. i feel like some poly people are so strict about what it means to be poly, and it really turns me off tbh.
- i don’t necessarily want the label. i don’t know that i actually consider myself poly at all. it’s an easy label to apply to most easily describe the situation, but it isn’t really an accurate label.
- maybe hierarchical poly is a better label. it’s still not perfect though.
- i am dating 3 people. all of their names start with M. lol
- two of them read this blog.
- and obviously my husband reads this blog as well.
- because of all that, i have been a bit hesitant to share certain things here recently, but i am trying to ignore the urge to hold things in. i truly believe that i’m liked because of my openness, so why change that now?
- one of my best friends has no idea that any of this is going on. i was going to tell her a few months ago, which i was dreading b/c i knew she wouldn’t take it well (from my swinger days), but didn’t because she was diagnosed with cancer. her treatment is now over, and we are seeing each other for the first time in months. i think it’s time to tell her the truth. I AM NERVOUS AF.
- but like C (my other bestie) told me earlier: you’ve gotta do you, babe, and not worry about what other people think.
- i am a walking contradiction, huh?
We had a really good time last night. It was a fun experience to be on a date with D, but not *with* D. There were a couple of moments that felt somewhat surreal, but ultimately I have wrapped my head around where we are, and am good/happy with things. This doesn’t mean I don’t have moments of anxiety or jealousy, of course. I’m only human. I mean, his gf is fucking insanely gorgeous, and I feel like a troll comparatively. LOL. But she’s also incredibly sweet, and I adore her.
But yeah – we had fun, and I think this will probably be a recurring thing. Oh and I got about an hour of time just me and my two guys, which was pretty amazing. I’m a lucky gal.
I must say though: I’m super excited to have D all to myself this weekend. We have no plans. We have no kids. It’s going to be awesome.
Mondays are super meh. Especially Mondays spent at the cancer center. BUT these cat earrings are giving me life.
Ignore my hair. I’m way overdue to see my stylist. Also these cancer meds have made it dry as straw. *sigh*
But I honestly don’t feel jealous right now. I can hear them laughing together in the other room, watching their shitty shows (😂), and I genuinely feel happy to hear them be happy. I guess this is compersion?
I drank too much last night, and I am really paying for it today. I feel awful. I have to remember that I cannot drink like I’m in my 30s anymore. Especially given the lack of carbs, the weight loss, and the alcohol content of what I drink nowadays (mostly tequila and wine – beer was so easy to drink and I miss it). Ugh, ugh, ugh.
But…my date with MP was wonderful. He’s so interesting and thoughtful. I had a very good time. It was definitely worth the wait.
When I got home, A was here, so I said hi to her and Dave, then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Keeping it really classy over here, peeps.
And then play that on repeat, unfortunately.
The silver lining? My weigh in was pretty amazing this morning! Ha. I made my 1% loss for the week. I came in at exactly 142. I’m going to squeal when I finally see 139 on my scale. Hopefully next week! I’ve lost a total of 12 pounds. 17 to go!
We were supposed to have Jackson with us this weekend, but his dad had to cancel his trip (he was going to Texas), so we are unexpectedly kid free. The plan tonight is the usual: steak night with my gingy babe. We have some catching up to do. We both have dates to discuss.
Tomorrow night we have reservations at our fave seafood spot, and then on Sunday we are making a weed run to Illinois. It’s about time I put my medical mj card to use.
Next week starts the new custody schedule – so we will have both kids on Mondays and Tuesdays now (and every other weekend). For a while it has been both kids on Monday, Frey on Tuesday, and Jackson on Wednesday. This will be a nice change. It’s more convenient for me, since I often have court on Wednesdays at 4 pm, which is when I’m supposed to get Jackson from school. Plus, I like the idea of having them for one long stretch at a time. When they are here, they are here.
I do miss him already though. My sweet boy.
It’s around 2 pm on Friday afternoon. I’m going to go ahead and call it a day. I feel like crawling into my (upstairs) bed and reading. MP gave me some books last night that I am very excited to dig into. First up: Lost Caves of St. Louis. I cannot wait until spring so we can get out and start exploring some stuff. My bed is extra cozy right now because M&J hooked me up with an amazing pink velvet comforter that I am obsessed with.
Okay – enough pointless rambling.