here goes nothing

I’m sick, and I’m tired, and I’m trying anyway. That’s all I can do.

I guess I’m feeling posty and candid today.

It’s funny though, because sometime around 3 am this morning, I gave serious consideration to deleting this blog.

The night is dark and full of terrors.

I spoke with a gf this morning, aka my new fitness buddy, and we decided to try the Noom 14 day free trial as an alternative to WW. I’m still doing WW, but testing out Noom concurrently. So far…I don’t see it working better than WW for me. It’s so millennial-esque in how it wants to dig into the issues that I struggle with in my weight loss journey. The Gen-X bitch inside of me wants to be like, “Shut the fuck up with the touchy feely shit. I need to track this food and move the fuck on. Mind your business!”

So yeah…

Unrelated: it’s weird to go back and read old blog entries (mine as well as other’s – particularly D’s ex’s blog, which I still check from time to time) knowing how it all turns out. Hindsight and all that jazz.

I’m feeling introspective. Maybe it’s my rapidly approaching 40th birthday that has me digging deep this week. Who knows.

All I know for sure is that I’m either going to keep it real here or I’m going to delete. There can be no in between. At least not right now.

On a lighter note, I thought I had an outfit in mind for Saturday’s party, but now I feel like I need something bigger. So I guess I need to go shopping tomorrow night.

It’s my party and I’ll attention whore if I want to!


Today is my Friday.

I woke up with D’s summer cold. I could tell it was going to be a thing as I was falling asleep last night.

I want to read Dark Matter again. Last night’s TNG has me in the mood for more good science fiction. I’m going to try to convince my husband to read it with me.

I have a lot of stuff to do before I leave today, and I have to leave early, so bye.

everything and nothing

  • It’s definitely a Monday. The clients are on. My staff is sort of pissy as a result of the clients being dicks. The phone won’t stop ringing. *sigh*
  • Whatever. I’m leaving in 30 minutes, and then I don’t come back until Wednesday, which is my last day until next Tuesday. Vacation ftw!
  • I went upstairs this morning to let Bizzy out of his kennel and to wake up Jackson for camp – and it was a bit of a mind fuck. I had forgotten that we’d changed up the sleeping arrangements. Everyone is in a new room! Everyone is also super duper happy, including the dog who seems to like being near my stuff. He really is my little furry shadow. Love him so much.
  • D said he’d buy me some study furniture as a birthday gift, so I need to pick some stuff out. We did a bit of looking around online yesterday while we were at the brewery. I found some cute stuff on Wayfair. Just have to figure out a budget and make some choices.
  • Today is supposed to be weigh in day, but I’ve decided to permanently change it to Thursday. Mondays are not good weigh in days, since I am usually retaining water from workouts and alcohol. I also consume more calories over the weekend. I’ve noticed that I’ll be high on Monday morning, and by Wednesday/Thursday I am back to normal. It also works out that my weekly points would reset on Thursday, which is essentially when our weekend begins.
  • I was complaining a bit to D this morning, before he left for work, that while I know it’s silly, I’m super focused on the number on the scale right now. He was like, “I don’t care what the scale says, you look awesome.” I needed to hear that.
  • I’m still having trouble walking properly due to all the squats on Saturday morning. The most difficult stuff is walking down the stairs and sitting down. OUCH!
  • Tomorrow I need to get some shit done for D’s family birthday/father’s day celebration, which is supposed to be Wednesday night (since we’ll be out of town all weekend, and then he’s going out of town after that, like he’s not even driving back to STL with me, but is instead flying to Pittsburgh). Time is flying and everything is sneaking up on me. I am so unprepared for everything going on this month.
  • For example: we only just finally booked our Nashville hotel today – as well as boarding for Bizzy. Procrastination party of 2! Lol. Our hotel looks amazing though. It is right off Broadway, and has an incredible rooftop pool and bar. I am so ready to be on this trip!!
  • Other vacation related to-do list stuff: book the Indy hotel, book the flights to Key West.
  • THE WEATHER TODAY IS FUCKING AMAZING. It was 75 and breezy last I was outside. My husband is unhappy, but I am in heaven.
  • The plan tonight is to run, but I’m a little concerned my wobbly legs won’t be able to handle it, so it may end up being a walk instead. The crazy part is that I’m in this much pain after Nancy promised not to kill me! This is her going easy on me. I’m so fucked. Lol.

spill the tea

My step-daughter asks me to “spill the tea” when I see her after she’s been at her mom’s house. Apparently, this means “tell me your gossip.” Lol. I don’t have much gossip, but I do have some random musings I feel like sharing:

  • My favorite internet train wreck may stop blogging, and this makes me very sad. It has been my favorite internet soap opera for the last several years.
  • Sorry not sorry.
  • I met a 30-year-old female today, and she was cracking me up. She was like, “So I told her, I don’t know how to write a check, like I’ve never even seen one.” God that made me feel old. Though I’m totally with her: checks are stupid and unnecessary.
  • While in Eureka Springs, I kept getting carded, and one waitress said, “You don’t look like you were born in the 70s.” To be fair, I was born in 1979, but still…totally going to revel in it anytime someone tells me I look younger than my age. Deal with it.
  • It reminds me of the time my step-daughter told me that I don’t look like the other moms. She said it in a complimentary way – just to be clear.
  • But then she said, “You are a cool mom,” and that reminded me of the mom from Mean Girls and I was like, “Oh no…” Lol.
  • I recently acquired three sheath dresses care of Old Navy, that are super cute and flattering. I’m going to wear one tomorrow (court day) and I’m super pumped about it. Rock that mom bod, baby.
  • Just yesterday, I canceled several subscriptions. To name a few: LeTote, Meundies, and Dollar Shave Club. I put Redbird Vintage Box on a temp hold; not because I don’t love it, but because my collection is getting a bit out of hand. I still have Allure Beauty Box, though if it doesn’t wow me this month then it will get canceled as well. I will likely never cancel my BOTM Club subscription, though the number of books on hand is starting to get a bit out of control. I need to give some away. That said, I still ordered two this month, and the only reason it wasn’t three is because I already received an advanced reader’s copy of the third (Recursion).
  • I won’t lie: I’ve been eyeing the Ann Taylor Loft fashion box.
  • I’m feeling really good today after all that exercise last night. I desperately need to stay on top of it for both my physical and mental health. I do wish that my knees could handle it better though.
  • There are a couple of carnivals in town – one of which Jack and I saw on the way to camp this morning – and I’m thinking about maybe taking the kids this weekend. We are also talking about going to a water park on Sunday. Of course, it looks like it might be storming all weekend, so maybe not.
  • Yes, I’m already dreaming of the weekend.
  • I’m leaving early today to get my hair done, so I should probably stop blogging and get back to work.
  • Peace & Love

1:21 am

It’s hard to come down after a show like that. Wowza.

I’m the only one still awake.

I told D that next year we’re doing the pit. It’s on my list.

Summer dick is back!!

And now I’m in the wet spot. 😂

I got a beer at the show, which I had budgeted calories for, and I didn’t even finish it, because meh.

I’ve eaten so much lettuce over the last few days, I feel like a rabbit.

I earned a fuck ton of activity points today yesterday by walking two miles and then immediately doing 30DS. Boom. Gotta do that again. (I track it on my apple watch).

I saw this on Tumblr and I like it, though I still personally believe that marriage is, in fact, beautiful. I enjoy the sentiment. 💕

Is it okay if I call you mine, from here on out? As if I could ever stop. ❤️

what’s going on?

  • I took the day off today. I knew I would be tired after the concert, and I had some important errands to deal with. Now that the errands are completed, and I’m back home, I can definitely say that was a good call on my part.
  • It’s rainy and dreary today. I definitely see a nap in my future.
  • My registration is renewed!! They are giving out new plates due to the upcoming Missouri bicentennial. Now I just have to put them on my car. You should read that as, “Now my husband needs to put them on my car.” Lol.
  • I have my mom’s Mother’s Day gift sorted out and set to be delivered. I need to plan a trip to go up and see her once the kids are out of school for the summer.
  • I’m not really sure what my plans are for Mother’s Day. I don’t really think I want to go out this year. I’d rather just chill at home with the boys. We will do the gifts in the morning before Freya leaves to be with her mom. We have a busy af weekend ahead of us, so being chill on Sunday sounds nice. Maybe we can grill. Grill and chill. Lol. Drinks on the patio. Cuddles. Maybe a walk? Yeah…that sounds fantastic.
  • I feel like my face is going to explode…yet again. I think I need to look into a new allergy medication. The Allegra doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all, and I am miserable.
  • The Mixtape Tour was super fun. I managed to snag fantastic seats. We saw NKOTB, Salt N Pepa, Naughty By Nature, Debbie Gibson, and Tiffany. I loved the format, and how interactive it was. My very first concert ever was NKOTB when I was 11, and I was obsessed with Debbie Gibson, so this was a fun trip down memory lane. Debbie’s voice has not held up, unfortunately, but I still got her t-shirt (lol). I never got to see her in concert back in the day. All in all, it was a fun evening with the girls, full of nostalgia and lolz. My sister and I howled with laughter when Donnie ripped off his shirt. 10/10 would recommend. Haha.
  • Speaking of concerts…next Wednesday night is DMB!!!! I took the day of the show, as well as the day after, off, because the STL DMB show is like a holiday for me. Haha.
  • Tonight is date night. We are trying out a new place we discovered last weekend.
  • I’m going to crawl into bed with my book now. Yesssssssss.

I thought about being productive

But then I decided against it. Lol.

Though I did fuck with the laundry. Gotta make sure we have clean clothes for the beginning of the week.

Today will be a chill day. Our plans include lunch on a favorite brewery patio. Eventually we will hit the gym for strength. I can’t wait to do more benching!! I’m hoping to convince the husband that we should do some shopping. Our evening plans include cooking a Mexican feast, followed by the new GoT. We have to watch last week’s episode again before the new one, because duh. That kills like three hours right there, between the two.

This week should be good. My business partner should be back in the office, which means I can hopefully concentrate on my own work instead of being the only attorney. Monday night I’ll have my kiddos back. Wednesday night is NKOTB!! I’m off on Thursday (to recover). Next weekend is packed with all kinds of stuff, including Mother’s Day, which snuck up on me. I guess I’m taking Freya shopping tomorrow night!


miscellaneous bullets

  • I had to wake up super early this morning, and I am grouchy as a result. I am not a morning person. I have also not been adequately caffeinated. Bad combo.
  • This super dreary, rainy weather is not helping.
  • But…I’m having Bread Co deliver two cans of Diet Pepsi along with my salad. Thank god for Bread Co delivery.
  • I am super duper pumped about date night tonight. We have a reservation at a place we really enjoy, but rarely go. The wine will flow.
  • I finally have an appointment to take my car into the dealer. I’m going for service, but will get the emissions testing done while I’m there. It’s still a week away, and I had to reschedule appointments to make it happen, but it feels good to know there is an end in sight. This stupid shit has been making me anxious. Mostly just because I know I’m going to get pulled over at the worst possible time, because that’s how it works.
  • I haven’t been reading as much these last couple of weeks. I think it’s a combination of factors: (1) the books I’ve been reading aren’t all that fabulous, and (2) I’m trying to be more actively engaged in the real world.
  • I feel like I’m drowning at the office. The stack of cases to be prepared has gotten so big. I am super overwhelmed, and my business partner is zero help. He’s never fucking here. I’m going to have to bring a bunch of work home with me this weekend. It’s the only time I have to get ahead of shit. More and more, the people coming in for consultations are requesting me personally, so I don’t even get a break there. I have to meet with them all, and do all the attorney work on the back end. I NEED HELP.
  • Fuck it. I’ll get it done. I always do.
  • There is this song by White Zombie called Thunder Kiss ’65 (not my usual jam to be sure), which I hear on Lithium from time to time, and there is this one part that I love so much, where a female voice says, “I never try anything, I just do it.” I feel that shit in my fucking bones.
  • So I guess I better go just do it. Right? Right.

late thursday thoughts

I’m bloggy af tonight, bro. I guess I’m making up for how pent up I’ve been feeling recently.

I’m getting mad compliments lately on the Anastasia of BH rose gold eyeshadow I’ve been rocking. Def gonna hit the pan on that one.

Dark hair dye = special pillowcase for like the next week.

That lunch today with James and Carrie: we just pick right back up in that way that you only do with the best of friends. I absolutely adore them.

Idk why, but I’m feeling myself right now, and I’m just gonna go with it.

Today I heard, “Holy shit! There’s no way you’re almost 40,” and I’m fucking here for it!

I impressed and surprised my husband this evening by using the term “wanker” very appropriately. I love making him laugh.

Our dinner was so fucking legit, but next time we’re going to tweak it with a bit of white wine for a saucier finish. Leftovers for lunch tomorrow!

I’m in a fantastic mood, and it shows.

Love you, bye ❤️

this needs to happen

I want to watch all of the Alien movies over the course of the next month or so. Scott and I were chatting about them and it got me in the mood to re-watch all of them in order (including the prequels). Sci fi horror is one of my favorite genres.

the way we get by

Our new bed is so delightful, it has made getting up in the morning even harder.

If you are a grown ass woman with a license plate that says “princess,” I’m judging the fuck out of you, and I’m not even a little bit sorry.

It may still be cold, but it’s technically spring, and I’ve decided to start dressing accordingly.

Pink shoes!!!

This is my third day wearing my new foundation: It Cosmetics Confidence in a Foundation, and I’m ready to give my review: it’s fucking amazing! I thought I’d end up hating it because it’s both full coverage and matte, which doesn’t usually mix well with my dry skin, but it’s fucking legit. That selfie above is not filtered, and I think my skin is looking pretty good.

Also…see bonus kitty on the bench?! She’s a cutie.

I kind of want to do this, but I probably shouldn’t do this…right?

I am ridiculously excited about the upcoming weekend. D and I have a lot of fun stuff planned.

Tonight is a bestie date. Shopping and dinner. Woot.

I want to buy a trench coat for spring. My old one is worn and not fitting as well as I’d like…it was always a bit too small. But I love that trench coat look for spring. I don’t want a khaki one. Something cuter than that obvi.

Okay gotta go to court. Peace out. ❤️