Saturday Stuff

I cried myself to sleep last night. 2020 is just too much.

I just dropped Bizzy off for playtime and boarding. We’re celebrating J’s birthday tonight, so we will be out super late, and I don’t want him to be neglected. While at the doggie daycare, I felt envious. I’d love to work with pups all day. What a fun and stress free job.

In reality, I could never do that long term. I know myself. Still – it’s fun to day dream.

The weather outside is delightful, and I’m contemplating an outdoor run, though my knees are still swollen so it’s probably not a good idea. Maybe just a walk. That sounds good actually. I’m beginning to think my running days are behind me. Sigh. Maybe I should start hiking? Biking? Maybe I’ll ride Freya’s bike. She never uses it.

I’ve been way in my head recently. I haven’t been talking to friends much. I feel bad about that, but sometimes you have to work on yourself first. I’ve needed a lot of quiet time. I’ve been reading a lot, playing games, and watching things. I’ve even cut back on my drinking. I was exercising a lot more too, until my arthritis flared. I’ll get back to it when it’s over. This is going to be the season of self-care. If not now, when? And since it’s finally getting cooler, I’m going to enjoy a nice bubble bath at some point this week.

Right now I’m cuddled up with my sweet Sansa, and plan to relax with a book. (Duh!) We will be out late tonight, so I have to rest up while I can.


I’m not having my normal Sunday night anxiety tonight. In fact, I’m feeling pretty good about the upcoming week.

Part of it is that I’m physically feeling well. That will likely change tomorrow afternoon, as I’m due to start a new cycle of Ibrance, and I have my monthly Faslodex injection. Ugh. I normally feel pretty crappy after those, unfortunately.

I think another contributor to my good mood is the cooler weather. It only got into the upper 70s today, and was only 62 degrees when we went on our evening dog walk. Bizzy is also a fan of the cooler temps! We were both in noticeably better moods on this walk than we have been for the last several months. This truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

I tried on a couple of my thrifted dresses tonight (both Leota) and I am pleased with how I look in them – especially given the prices. There is one that fits like a glove, and I feel both sexy and professional while wearing it. It also has a subtle polka dot print (black on black) and you can’t really go wrong with polka dots. (Actually, both dresses are polka dot printed – I really do have a polka dot problem). I’ll probably wear both this week – and pics or it didn’t happen, obvi. I have been lax with documenting my outfits as of late. (Not that anyone cares, but I care, so yeah.)

I’m meeting my new oncologist tomorrow afternoon, and I’m slightly nervous about it. I have no idea what to expect. All I know is that she is female, well respected, and an expert in my particular type of cancer. Given all of that, I suppose I should make do regardless of how I feel about her personally.

I was thinking today about how weird it is to be 41. I definitely physically feel all of those 41 years, but, mentally, I feel much younger. In fact, I don’t understand how I’m even considered an adult. Like how am I allowed to have kids, and a law firm, and be in charge of shit. It’s just such a mind fuck. I was talking to D about it over beers this afternoon, and he was like, “Well that’s why they say inside of every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.” And yes, I absolutely feel that.

It’s getting late, so I’m off to start my bedtime routine. It takes like 30 minutes. lol. Being old ain’t easy.


It’s only 10 am??

I’ve been up since 5:45 because D had a minor medical procedure this morning. It feels like it should be lunchtime.

I finished court and a few other things, and now I’m going to chill for a bit. Maybe nap. I’m running on about three hours of sleep.

I’m looking forward to the Philly cheesesteak I’m going to be ordering in a bit. Penn Station ftmfw.

Oh I’m reading the new Samantha Downing and I’m obsessed.

I might watch a movie later. I should be productive, but it’s not looking good.

Oh there’s a DMB show airing tonight from (I think) 2013, and the setlist is fucking 🔥🔥.

Aren’t you glad you take time from your life to read my inane babbling? Lol.

other news

I am working today (boo), but I am off tomorrow. I look forward to a long weekend.

Tonight, D & I are having a night in the city. We have reservations at one of our favorite patio places, and staying overnight at the Chase. Birthday 2.0.

I have a feeling we won’t be able to go out much longer. Shit is getting real here in MO. In fact, the county we live in has the highest increase in cases, which is not surprising to me at all.

Back to my birthday: Birthday 3.0 will happen on Saturday night, when C&J come over. I’m excited about that, too.

I am spoiled.

At my oncology appointment on Tuesday, my doc told me that he is moving from my preferred hospital, and will be retiring next year. He’s going to introduce me to a new oncologist at my next appointment. D looked her up, and she is relatively new, which I’m actually kind of pumped about. I think I will have an easier time communicating with her. I would sum up my current doctor by saying he needs to talk less and say more. He always buries the lead with a bunch of blah, blah, blah, and completely confuses everything. It doesn’t inspire confidence.

He also told me that my case is going in front of the tumor board next week, which will review my current treatment plan. Neither of us anticipate them making any changes, given my current NED status. He also had blood drawn to send off for genetic testing to determine whether I have any mutations which would result in certain treatments being more or less effective. I’m happy about both of these things, as I’ve been wanting them from the beginning.

Bizzy went to doggie daycare for the first time since quarantine started. He was sooooo happy. He actually screamed. I don’t know how else to describe it. He gets to play all day, and he is staying over tonight, so that D and I can do our city date.

The plan for my day off tomorrow? Lounge about and watch scary movies – unless my husband has other plans for us. Maybe do some reading. I’m still reading A People’s History and recently started Mexican Gothic. I’m thinking about purchasing the entire Babysitter’s Club series as well, but it is pricey.

I’ve actually felt better since I’ve been off Keto. This happened last time, too. I don’t think my digestive system can handle it. It sucks, because it is such an effective method of weight loss. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll try to eat lower carb, but not so low carb that I actually go into ketosis? Idk – I want to be fitter, but I don’t want to obsess over my weight. I look good, right? Right.

I’m not going to spend whatever time I have left hating myself, and I don’t want to waste time feeling bad for reasons I can control. I feel plenty bad enough without creating more problems for myself.

Also – that ass… I’m not getting any complaints. lol.

I really do need to get that treadmill moved to my house though. I should work on that tomorrow.

Okay – I am being boring now, and I need to pay attention to this hearing, so bye. Happy Friday eve!

Late night babble

It’s storming currently and it’s awesome. I love thunderstorms at night.

The downside: my cats are freaking out.

Speaking of freaking out, we haven’t been able to walk Bismarck recently, because he’s so scared of fireworks.

We have Jackson for the 4th this year, because my ex is going out of town. Unfortunately, we don’t have Freya, since technically it’s not our year to have either of them for independence day. But it is our weekend, so we’re going to celebrate on Friday instead, which is perfect since D and I are off that day.

I got the proofs back from my photo shoot and I hate how I look in all the pics.

What else is new, right?

Anyway – these are my top three:

I got a tool to help me make victory rolls, and it’s a steep learning curve. Lol.

I need some practice!

Here are some cute pet pics just because:

I didn’t talk much about my weekend.

Friday, after the photo shoot, I met the other Jen for lunch and cocktails. We went to a cutesy little creole place in the CWE.

Then D and I did our normal Friday night dinner date, which was awesome.

On Saturday, I ventured out for a mani/pedi and was super impressed with their cleanliness, social distancing requirements, and the service. I’ll def be going back.

On Saturday night, we hung with Nick, Nancy, and Carmen for a few hours. We all sat more than six feet apart. It was good to catch up.

Sunday we lazed around all day. It was glorious.

I’m already counting down the days until next weekend.

Monday was pretty meh overall. Here’s hoping Tuesday will be awesome.

It’s 12:14 am. I should try to sleep.

miscellaneous monday musings

I went to the dentist that afternoon for x-rays and a quick exam. No issues were found, and I have been cleared to start Zometa. I’m hoping it will be gentle on me. I am so tired of starting new meds and feeling like shit for weeks as a result. That has basically been my life since mid-February. I am beyond over it. Every time I start to feel normal again, they pull the rug out from under me. Every. Single. Time.

I have been so terrible about responding to messages. Right now I have the following unread and/or unanswered messages that need to be dealt with:
Facebook: 6
Instagram: 3
Texts: 19
Emails: don’t ask. lol.

My current obsession is the NYT crossword app. I’ve been a subscriber for a while, and I have really gotten into it. I do the mini puzzles every day, and find those easy. I do the big daily puzzles as well, though not as successfully. Haha. Mondays are the easiest and they get harder through Sunday, which is a fucking bitch. I’m pretty good up until around Thursday, when it gets hard. It’s my goal to complete a Sunday puzzle without help. I’m actually learning a lot by doing the puzzles, which is cool.

My current “to be watched asap list” includes: Reign, Dead to Me (season 2), The Lodge, and more Twilight Zone. I’m really digging The Twilight Zone. Even the bad episodes are good. Some of it makes me laugh so hard I almost pee myself.

Things I’ve looking forward to in the not too distant future:
– I have a much needed mani/pedi appt on Saturday afternoon at a new(ish) super posh nail salon near my house. It’s appointment only and you have to give them a credit card to make a reservation. They don’t do acrylics or dip. It’s super clean and has amazing reviews. I’m excited to check it out.
– Saturday night we will be hanging out with Nick, Nancy, and maybe Carmen. Another night away from the house? Yes, please! And I love that we can feel safe because everyone in our chosen bubble has been super serious about quarantine/mask wearing/social distancing.
– I just found out today that Netflix made a series that’s a modern update of The Babysitter’s Club. I am beyond excited, like omfg I loved that series so much!!! It’s coming out July 3rd, which is the same day Hamilton airs on Disney+ – so that is going to be a big day here at RiekAlt Manor. My ass will be on the couch allllllllllll dayyyyyy. Woot!

Tomorrow is the teen’s 14th birthday, but we are having her party tonight (since she is with K tomorrow). She’s having her bestie stay over and there will be pizza, cake, and many snacks. I’ve already bought two bags of Sour Patch Kids. lol. Right now, she and D are at the local skate shop, where our pal Nick works – picking out a skateboard. She is so, so, so excited. I can’t wait to see what she picks out. When I met her cute, girly, princess loving self at the age of 6, I never imagined her becoming a skater punk, but I fucking love it.
Girl power. <3

I guess I could work for the next hour, but I think I’m going to go try to finish Catherine House instead. I’m liking it more now that I’m further into it. It is weird af, which I like. Not at all derivative.

Later, babes.

good vibes only

Being silly (and maybe a little drunk):

We did a seafood bake for dinner. A Martha Stewart recipe. It was very tasty.

Random pretty flower from my most recent bouquet:

I raided D’s library:

Played around with my hair:

Tried on my new shirt:


We watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind tonight. I love that movie. D mentioned earlier in the night that he never really saw it, because he was fucking around with his (ex)gf the first time around so he wasn’t paying attention. (That trashy Trumper whore Beth 🙄) This time we did the fucking around first, but then he fell asleep during the movie. 😂

To be fair, we’ve had a lot to drink, and we started around 3:30, when D asked me to quit working and have a drink because he had news, and it was really good news!! I can’t talk about it yet, but squeeeeeeeeeee.

It’s 1:30 am now. We’re in bed. Everyone is asleep but me. I kind of like this time of night now that my anxiety is under control.

break time!

I have a fairly light day today. I had a hearing this morning, and a consultation in about 40 minutes. Otherwise, it’s an admin sorta day: preparing petitions, amending plans, answering emails – shit like that.

After the afternoon consultation, I plan to head out to pick up the kids. I’m excited to have a weekend with them, and I have something fun planned. We have this gorgeous pond a block away from the house (within the subdivision). It is filled with frogs, toads, fish, ducks, and geese. There is a nice flat spot near the shore, where I plan to set up a picnic tomorrow afternoon. I’m really looking forward to sitting there with them and watching the wildlife. D and I walk around it every evening now (with Bizzy) and I squeal with delight at all the frogs jumping and splashing around. Every single time. It never gets old.

We have plans tomorrow night to go visit with C&J. I’m excited to see them and catch up. I feel like we have so much stuff to tell them.

I washed and styled the hair this morning, and I’m still digging it. I straightened it just to make sure everything was even, and that I still like the cut. I do. I think I prefer the wavy, but I like it this way too. This is a classic Jenn cut. I’ve had this same cut many times in my life. It just feels so new after having my hair long. I think I should just recognize that I’m a short hair kinda gal, though that won’t stop me from trying to grow it out again, I’m sure.

It was kind of funny yesterday. The bestie, who also had long hair, was committed to cutting her’s off if I was going to cut mine off. Her appointment was before mine, so she arrived at the salon first. I got a text from her saying, “Hey she just cut off all my hair so you better still be doing this!” I had to giggle, because right before I left the house, I looked at D and said, “I don’t know if I can do this!” But once M chopped A’s hair, I was locked in.

It was cute because she was talking about how I didn’t let her shave her head last time (when I lost all of my hair due to chemo back in 2013), and she was like, “Next time it’s happening no matter what you say.” I love her solidarity. We both know that someday I will have to do IV chemo again, and that I will most likely be bald as a result. Hopefully that day is way far in the future.

In other exciting news, D’s birthday present arrived today, and it is fabulous. He is so pleased, and seeing him so happy makes me happy.

Isn’t it cool???

Today is my Friday!

And now that my workday is over, I’m in weekend mode.

But let’s rewind –

I feel like I’ve been neglecting the blog a bit recently. That’s due to a combination of utter boredom and feeling shitty. I woke up feeling fairly good today, so I decided to take advantage. Hence the fancy attire earlier:

This morning when I woke up, I decided to take a “before” pic. Before what – I’m not entirely sure. I mostly just want to see if my body changes at all during the couch to 10k training.

Trying to reduce that mom tum a bit.

I ran today after my last appointment of the day, and it felt good. I’m hovering right around 5k, but slow and steady is definitely what I need right now. The app only wants me running three days per week, so I walk the other days (when my body allows it).

I read somewhere that 30 min of cardio, 5 days per week, can be as effective as chemo, and while I doubt that is true, I’ve taken it to heart.

I need new running shoes. See those holes? 😆

I participated in a town hall zoom meeting for STL Co courts this afternoon regarding the crim and traffic divisions, and what the new procedures are going to be moving forward. I kind of can’t believe this is reality. Life feels so strange. I will say that the silver lining of the virus for the legal profession will be that it is forcing the courts to finally embrace technology. We will be doing Zoom court appearances, and eliminating so much bureaucracy in the process.

I’m off tomorrow because I have treatment in the morning, and I know I’ll feel shitty afterward. My plan is to come home and lounge on the couch while I watch Netflix all day. I’m looking forward to it. I deserve a couch day.

In other news: my hair stylist reached out to me to say she would open the salon for me on a day where nobody else will be there so that I can get my hair cut. I love her so much, and am so grateful. I need to cut this hair so it will be easier to manage (and look better) while I adjust to these meds. I sure do hope the shedding will slow down soon. I’m really depressed about it.

I was feeling like I shouldn’t risk it, but D says we can’t completely neglect our mental health, and I agree. Plus, we will be wearing masks and sanitizing everything. I will ask the oncologist what he thinks when I see him tomorrow. It my white counts are decent, then I suspect he will says it’s okay.

Waiting on D to get back from his run so we can do our Thursday night thing.

Happy Friday Eve!

Day 60 stuff

Ugh my allergies are bad today. I hate spring.

Also, my stomach hates me. Fuck you very much, Lexapro. And this is only the 5 mg dose. *cries*  I know I’ll adjust over the next few weeks, but jesus fuck… This better help.

The weather sucks. It is chilly and rainy and dreary and meh. It’s supposed to be much nicer this weekend, and thank satan, because I need to get out of this house for a bit – even if it is only to sit on the deck and drink some wine (in a fancy dress, of course).

I’m feeling the urge to do some online shopping. That’s going to happen.

My husband is starting to crack from this quarantine (and let’s be honest – all the cancer shit, too), and I feel terrible for him. It sucks when someone you love is struggling and there isn’t much you can do to help.

I talked to my rheumatologist this morning (phone appointment) for the first time since my cancer diagnosis. I was surprised by how upset she was by the news. She was really sweet, which was kind of weird, because she’s normally all business.

We’ve started watching The Twilight Zone around bedtime. Typically just one episode before we go to sleep. I’m into it, though I do sometimes struggle with how old fashioned it is. My how times have changed.

I want to start Dead To Me season 2 this weekend. A binge watch would be good.

I ordered Overtone in black a few weeks back, and it is supposed to be delivered today. I’m going to apply it tonight, and I’m hopeful that it will make a difference. My hair looks awful, but last time I dyed it myself I lost a bunch of hair, so I’m not willing to do that again. It won’t be dyed until it can be dyed professionally. I’ve heard that Overtone is super gentle, since it is just a conditioner, and that the color deposit is fairly good, so I’m hopeful. I need a win here, people; even if it is just a small win. I have no idea when I’m going to be willing to go get my hair done. Today my rheumatologist was like: all these drugs you are taking have seriously compromised your immune system. You need to be very careful.

Awesome. I mean I already knew that, but still.

I have a day full of appointments ahead of me. On the one hand, ugh, but on the other, yay, because money is good.

it’s tuesday, right?

  • Today is a roll out of bed at the last minute and attend the telephone hearing in my pajamas sort of day.
  • My neighbors are putting in a swimming pool and it is loud as fuck, which isn’t conducive to working at home. I’m annoyed with them. For a variety of reasons.
  • Due to all the cancer & plague bullshit that took over my life these last few months, I never got Sansa to the vet to be spayed, and now she is in heat. Woo lord is it an ordeal! She walks around writhing and yowling in an attempt to get some dick. I feel bad for her, and have been giving her extra love. However, she is currently in the basement because I can’t have her screaming for dick while I’m on a court call. Lol – can you imagine? The good news is that the vet’s office is back open, and she has appointment to be seen on Monday afternoon. Hopefully, she can get the surgery asap, because I am not about this life.
  • So apparently in 2020, the new thing is to get a free mask with purchase. lol. Can’t make this shit up!


  • So Apricity – this lady out in LA makes the cutest dresses. I bought one (obvi) and it was delivered yesterday. It’s more orange in color than it appeared in the pic online, but I’m going to rock it anyway and hope for the best. Gotta step outside your comfort zone sometimes, right? As an aside: my (bio) dad’s favorite color was orange. Orange always makes me think of him.
  • Saw this on Facebook today and got super excited. Guess it’s time to finally get that Disney+ subscription we’ve been talking about for months:


  • Last night, I did the first run for Couch to 5k. I really like the app. It’s the best one of these types of apps I’ve ever used. It kept me motivated, and I was able to do all the running. I’m going to do another run after the hearing today, then shower, and get my ass in gear for the afternoon appointments. It’s a somewhat light day today, for which I am grateful.
  • I really need to get some work shit done. My motivation is in the toilet, and that’s not good. I’m fairly busy – busier than most of my colleagues – so I need to get my shit together and crank out some cases.
  • The hearing is about to start. Talk to ya later.

some monday musings

Greetings from Quarantine Day 58 (I think). I’ve lost track.


Bonus cat pic just because.

This meme feels relevant today. It’s mid-May, but it’s barely 60 degrees outside. I’m wearing leggings under my dress, and we have the heat turned on in the house. It’s ridiculous. I’m ready for warmer weather.

Other memes that spoke to me today:

I downloaded a Couch to 10k app. I get a 7 free day trial, and then have to pay like $12 or something. I’ve decided I need a project, and this is going to be the project. I like this app because it had me do an assessment to determine where in the program I should start. I looked at what will be my starting run, and it seems right on point for my fitness level. I’m going to do the first run after my appointments are finished for the day.

I feel unwell. I’m still on that same “allergies combined with drug side effects” struggle bus. I’m crazy exhausted today, which I know is from my white & red blood cell counts being low. This is my recovery week (from Ibrance), but I basically feel like hot garbage right now. I have an appointment Friday with the oncologist, where I will get another round of Faslodex injections (uggggghhhhh) and then I start round 3 of Ibrance on Saturday night. I’m not looking forward to any of it.

Holy fuck I feel bad right now. *sad face*

I’m anxious to see what, if any, fallout occurs from everyone being out and about again in my county. I heard/read reports of restaurants and bars being absolutely packed this weekend – like with people shoulder to shoulder – with almost nobody wearing masks. I figure by the end of this month we should know whether that was an epic fail or not. I’m assuming it will be. I will be staying in for now and seeing how it goes.

I was at Target on Saturday afternoon, and it wasn’t too bad. Most people had on masks. Target was doing a good job of trying to make social distancing happen. I’m in no rush to do it again though. Going out nowadays feels gross and wrong…dangerous. I hate it. I hate all of this.

It was interesting to see what was out of stock. Freya wanted candles for her mom, but there were very few remaining, so I got the best ones I could. The craft aisle was empty. All the bicycles were gone. Still no toilet paper, but we did get some paper towels, which we needed. We’re good on toilet paper (Thanks, Amazon!).

Freya is with her mom all week, and we are sort of bummed about it, but it was only fair given that we had her for (almost) an entire week due to her mom being (potentially) exposed to Covid-19 (and we offered – it isn’t like she asked). Thankfully, K seems to be fine.

I’m already dreaming of the weekend. Too soon?