expert status

Subjects upon which I am apparently considered to be an expert –

  1. Consumer bankruptcy.
  2. Traffic law: particularly helping friends and family get out of their speeding tickets. lol.
  3. Having cancer.
  4. Weed.

In just the last 48 hours, I have talked at length to various individuals on each of the above referenced topics.

i guess i’m feeling bloggy today

Some days you’ve got it. Some days you don’t. That’s okay.

I discovered that the Whole Foods down the street has a taqueria. So! Guess who has a burrito bowl sitting on her desk right now? Well an empty one. I already ate it. It was tasty, but not like Chipotle or Qdoba tasty. But defintiely ‘will eat again because Whole Foods is just one block from my office‘ sorta tasty.

Have you ever stared at your face so long (or someone else’s face) that is starts to look weird and distorted, like everything just looks wrong and then you can’t unsee that shit? Just me? Okay then.

I made the law firm a nice little chunk of money this morning, and so now I feel justified in sitting here for the next hour fucking around while waiting on my next appointment to show. There are piles of cases around me that need attention, but meh. So much meh.

Now that I’m 39, I’m trying to find some sort of, I don’t know, acceptance or comfort or something like that with my looks. It doesn’t really make sense to me anymore that I should be trying to look hot in the traditional sense. I’m not young anymore. I’m middle aged. So I guess I’m trying to look hot for a middle aged chick? It hurts more than I’m comfortable admitting that I can only really describe my looks using that phrase now: “for a middle aged woman.” But at the same time, it is helping me get out of that mind set altogether. I may only be “attractive for a middle aged chick” or “hot for a mom” but I’m also successful, smart, and wise, and none of those things need to be qualified. And those are characteristics I didn’t necessarily have and/or own in quite the same way when I was younger. So idk – just something I’ve been thinking about.

Not to mention that my husband is way into middle aged chicks, so I guess it isn’t so bad. In fact, I showed him a pic of someone the other day who has some pretty serious wrinkles around the eyes, which I do not (yet) have, and he thought it was hot. Food for thought, I suppose.

I have no idea where this post is even going. Obvs.

Where is this year even going? It’s somehow almost November. I was reading an email earlier about some shit going on next week and I realized Halloween is only a week away. Then Thursday morning we are doing something at Freya’s school now. Followed by a trip to KC to see a favorite band. Then driving from KC to Illinois to meet friends for a winery trip. And then there is Jackson’s birthday, so I need to plan his party.  Before you know it, it will be Thanksgiving. Then Christmas. Wow. Soon it will be 2019. I ain’t mad tho. 2018 was kind of a shit show tbh.

Speaking of Christmas, we are doing all the things this year, like really going all out, which is why we were initially so upset when it seemed like we might not have Freya on Christmas Day after all. But that is all settled now, and I am excited about the epic 12 foot Christmas tree we are about to order. I want to make sure it is here and ready to go for the day after Thanksgiving. I am so excited!

This has gotten long. Oops.

Okay, okay. Time to get back to the lawyering.





Can’t sleep?? Why not blog?!

Right. So it’s 3:07 am, and I am not amused.

I just heard there is a Haunting of Hill House show on Netflix so yeah that’s happening.

Speaking of shit I want to watch, I’m going to watch Eighth Grade tomorrow. I told Frey she could watch it too. I bet we have good discussions during and after given what I know about the movie.

This is random I know, but I really wish they’d make another SATC movie.

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. I kinda think this is happening because my body felt like today was a Sunday. And so this is my Sunday night anxiety spiral, just on the wrong night. So does this mean I get to skip tomorrow night?? Ha. Yeah right.

Today yesterday (Saturday) was a good day. Just saying.

Dude, shit is getting real on Ozark! I find myself caring about what happens like these are actually real people. Lol.

I have an old lady bladder now and it sucks. I have to pee constantly. If I even think about peeing then I’ll have to pee.

Finally got some fall decor for the porch. It’s not quite what I want but it’s a step in the right direction.

When the fuck did I become the kind of person who cares about shit like that? ^^^

I’ve recently noticed I have a thing about doing stuff in threes.

At the office, we use some combination of our initials to mark things on the calendar. We have KH, LJ, TN, CSB, and JPAR. You know I always have to be extra.

I’ve noticed I’m using my full hyphenated last name professionally, but just my married surname socially. I like it like that. Keep the work identity at a distance.

I love being married, btw. ❤️

I love that my most commented upon post of late is the dick pic post. 🤣🤣🤣


And again.

Why the fuck am I still awake??? JFC

Okay so…

  • Tonight with the fam was just what I needed.
  • 2.5 miles tonight. #RiekAltRunningClub
  • And maybe 2 tequila shots.
  • F and I watched some Sunny. Her choice!
  • Tonight she said, “You give the best fashion advice,” and my heart almost exploded. ❤️
  • Also: “Everyone loves the jacket you helped me pick out.” ❤️❤️
  • The boy and I had a good run/walk and talk on the first lap.
  • He and his dad are moving back in with his grandma in November. I have many thoughts and feelings about this. Mostly, I’m grateful he’ll be with her. I know she’ll always take care of him.
  • My other not so nice thoughts about that situation I’ll just keep to myself. Well not to myself but I’ll keep them off the blog. Carrie and D have heard it all. Thanks, babes. 💙
  • *deleted*
  • I have been having the hardest time getting into my BOTM Club pick this month. Cross Her Heart. It’s just dragging and I don’t really care about any of these characters. My goal is to finish it by the end of the weekend. It’s put me in a reading slump, and that simply will not do!
  • I think I’m going to do more video blogging. That was fun.
  • I say um a lot and twirl my hair when I’m nervous it seems.
  • I have a bunch of shit to do for my bestie’s bridal shower brunch on Sunday. So. Much. Stuff.
  • But I’m going to curl up in bed and cuddle the pup while I read. The husband is off in his study fighting WWII. I’m good with it because tomorrow night he’s all mine. ❤️❤️❤️
  • ttfn xoxo

Thoughts and things and stuff

  • Probably my biggest pet peeve is when people drag their feet for ages and then all of a sudden it’s a fucking emergency that I get something done asap. Nope. Fuck right off with that shit.
  • I drove seven hours today for a three minute hearing. Don’t get me started…
  • I’m extremely displeased with my body today. Ugh.
  • Sounds like we’re going to have some exciting news regarding the Halloween party. Stay tuned!
  • I need to figure out a way to relax that doesn’t involve alcohol. Or cake.
  • I’m going for a run tonight. Maybe that will help? The big question is will I go alone or with the kids. Both sound appealing for different reasons. I’m never really alone though because I always take B.
  • We had an expensive afternoon at the ren faire yesterday, but we came home with many amazing treasures. That deserves it’s own post.
  • Being a nerd ain’t cheap, y’all.
  • My husband walked in on me changing just now and I’m feeling a bit better about my body all of a sudden.
  • Spa day with my BFF tomorrow and I’m so very excited. We haven’t had a just us day in ages.

Greetings from the bathtub…

because I forgot my Kindle in the other room.

It’s bubble-tastic in here.

I always wanted a giant bathtub, and I finally got one. This could easily fit three adults. Maybe we should try that sometime.

Today was a long, boring day at the office, but that’s okay. Boring is good sometimes. And it’s not like there isn’t plenty to do.

I’ve started running with the kids and Biz in the evenings. Trying to build up their endurance. Whenever they stopped to walk, I yelled, “Don’t let me beat you. I’m old and fat and out of shape.” It worked! Anyway, I’m calling us the RiekAlt Running Club. More training this weekend.

Our weekend is already quite full actually. Friday night we have a friend’s birthday dinner. Saturday is running and shopping with the kids. Oh and they have both requested hair cuts. Sunday we’re going to the Renaissance Fair. I’m considering buying a costume this year.

I’m reading three books right now, which may be too much. It’s a lot to juggle.

I went down an Oscar Wilde rabbit hole this morning that was quite delightful. I followed it up with some astrology. I was inspired by a friend’s post, and did a little digging into my moon sign. Turns out I’m a Cancer sun and moon, so like a Super Cancer. While I truly can’t claim to be a believer, I have always found astrology to be eerily accurate. I’m a Cancer through and through, and after reading about the Cancer Moon…well let’s just leave it at YEP.

My husband will make fun of me about this ^^ later. Haha.

My Plexus Slim came today. I’m doing the 7 day trial. It’s supposed to make you feel full and also speed up your metabolism. My bestie is using it and is giving it rave reviews. I’ll report back.


  • I have insomnia. Because of course.
  • You know you’re old when the most exciting part of your day is picking up your newly increased prescription retinoid. .05%, baby!
  • I have a new pair of shoes that are going to blow your fucking tits off with how absolutely fabulous they are. I may reveal them in my next outfit.
  • When Frey saw them tonight, she thought they were special occasion shoes (specifically she thought they were for my bestie’s wedding), but I plan to rock these babies on the reg.
  • In fact, I need hot pink heels for the wedding. The colors are navy and hot pink: one of my favorite combos btw.
  • I’m reading 3 books currently; one of which is a nonfiction book about being obsessed with reading. I identify with so much of it.
  • I sent out the invites for the Halloween party this afternoon. Well really it’s more of a save the date. I’m pumped though. My favorite time of year is upon us.
  • Which reminds me: I’m thinking of buying a dirndl.

thursday bullets

  • We had a long dinner out with Ann & Rob last night, and it was nice. I miss seeing them regularly. They moved to the city a few months back, so we don’t get to hang as often as we did before.
  • I didn’t have a good rest of the night, unfortunately. I was upset about something. I cried a lot. I only got about three hours of sleep. But everything is fine now, and that’s all that matters. You know how everything seems so much worse when you’re exhausted and it’s the middle of the night? It was one of those situations.
  • Emo Jenn is emo. 2018 has been hard on me both mentally and physically. It’s starting to catch up.
  • I have a raging headache today. Most certainly as a result of the lack of sleep and the crying. I feel bad because my husband probably feels awful today too, and that is entirely my fault.
  • I had to haul ass to court in Hillsboro this morning. I was running late because I was exhausted (see above).  Hillsboro is like an hour from my house. I don’t normally practice in Jeff Co Courts, so I felt out of my element. Add to that the fact that the prosecutor was way late, and when he did show, he didn’t understand the new court forms. The result: fucking chaos. I haven’t been in such a disorganized court in some time. And that’s saying something because I spend a lot of time in north county/city muni courts, which are well known for their fuckery.
  • L and I are spending the day in the CC office. I like these days down here with her. It’s so chill. Plus, the clients down here are way nicer. Everything down here is just a slower pace. I need a day like this right now. Oh and she brought me a giant Diet Pepsi and a creme filled donut, so…L is my favorite.
  • Tomorrow morning I’m defending another depo. Different case than the last one. Why are all my cases blowing up? This year has been all about difficult cases. I’m over it. Though I do feel like a better lawyer for all of it. I need to start charging more. Seriously.
  • I’m so fucking pumped that tomorrow is Friday. I’m taking my last dose of antibiotics tonight, so I should be good to go for various extracurricular activities this weekend. *wink, wink* The plan for tomorrow night is the classic D&J Friday night plan: drinks, yahtzee, steak dinner, DMB concert live stream. That sounds so perfect right now. I think we should add a long walk to the mix too. Thoughts, babe?
  • I’m looking forward to Saturday night as well. We are playing D&D with the gang for the first time in a while.  I think I’m going to wear my Twilight Sparkle (fairy) costume. L and her husband are joining in for the first time. It’s going to be a blast.
  • It’s crazy to think we leave for Tennessee on Monday morning. D and I were looking at cabin pics and various details yesterday. It’s going to be so relaxing. I’m crazy excited.
  • It does make me giggle, however, that every single piece of correspondence I’ve received regarding the trip says: BEWARE OF BEARS. I kind of hope we get to see a bear. From a safe (very safe/long) distance, of course.
  • Gotta hit the gym tonight regardless of this epic headache. No excuses. #fitby40

peace & love


12:04 am

I’m feeling all kinds of weird and worked up right now. I’m not sure why. I should be asleep by now, because I’m exhausted, and this bed is comfortable. My brain is stupid and I hate it. We had a good night tonight. My favorite part was the long walk with the kids and the dog. I love how they just tell me everything without reservation. Being their confidant may be my favorite thing. Gotta enjoy it while it lasts, but I do very much hope it lasts forever. If only. My heart kind of aches tonight for both good and sad reasons. You know how it is.

good morning

  • I survived night four.
  • D got his flight moved up so that he’s arriving in STL at 10:30 pm on Friday. Only two sleeps to go!
  • I usually message him around 10:30 pm (5:30 am in Spain) with sappy things that he’ll read when he first wakes up. I miss him so much. The days aren’t too bad, but the nights are brutal.
  • I woke up this morning with an awful headache. The cause is a toss up between allergies and stress.
  • Excederin has become my new best friend these last few months.
  • As has Benadryl. I took two last night since the kids weren’t home. 😴😴😴
  • With D being gone, I’ve been taking Bismarck on his night walks. It never ceases to amaze me how vibrant the stars appear out here in the suburbs. It’s a definite perk of the suburbs life.
  • The downside? Running into neighbors that want to chat. I don’t like making small talk with neighbors, but it’s like a suburban wife/mom duty and ughhhhhh.
  • For the most part, our neighbors are cool, and I like them, but one of the husbands gives off a pervy vibe when we’re alone. He’s always complimenting my appearance, and I’m giving him major side eye. Also he’s a raging conservative and isn’t shy about expressing his opinion. I really like his wife though.
  • I’m working from home today so I can concentrate on trial prep. I’m giving myself a 9 am start time, so I’m just going to zone out for the next hour.
  • Tonight is a custody night. It’s going to be another movie night. I think they’re going to love tonight’s pick. One silver lining of the husband’s absence has been that the kids and I have spent some serious quality time together. It was weird not having them here last night, but it was also nice having a break.
  • I leave you with something insanely cute to brighten your day:

Cozy kitty! The purring is loud with this one.

some shit going down right now

  • Saturday is Freya’s birthday, but we don’t have her this year (boo!!), so we are doing our little family party Friday (tomorrow) night. Our original plan was Sunday, but we forgot that D is going out of town on Sunday. So Friday night it is. The plan is to hit up Bowlero for some bowling and dinner, then back to the house for cake and presents. Should be a good time. But this means that D and I have to go out tonight to buy the presents. We already have the big one picked out.
  • Speaking of the weekend, as I mentioned above, D is leaving town. He’s going to fucking Idaho of all places. For a conference. I will miss him mucho, as always.
  • And, of course, this is the week that both kids start day camp. Because naturally. So I will have much running around to do next week; dropping off two kids and the dog at various sites all over St. Charles and St. Louis Counties, and then hauling ass all over to various courts, then back to pick everyone up. Repeat.
  • To be fair, D told me Freya could stay with her mom, who apparently made the offer, but (1) I would miss her, and (2) I asked Freya her preference and she was adamant that she not miss time at our house. I can’t say no to that. Oh and (3) I’ve taken her on as my child, and, therefore, I will treat her as such. Gotta take the good with the bad, right? Having kids is inconvenient sometimes. Such is life.
  • Jackson is super excited about Saturday night because I have arranged for him to have his very first sleepover guest. His friend is coming over Saturday afternoon and staying the night. He is so very pleased. He did a happy dance when I told him. It has been hard to arrange sleepovers (and even play dates), because his friends mostly live in Chesterfield, which is like 20 minutes away. It isn’t a great distance, but given the age of the kids (8), most parents feel weird about it. Plus, I kind of hate getting to know all these rando parents, so that hasn’t made it any easier. I finally met this kid’s mom at the pool last weekend, and we hit it off, so yay.
  • I’ve been enjoying going to the gym. I’m back to running, and it feels really good. I need to introduce some strength training into the mix. Maybe next week.
  • I helped attempt a rescue of three baby raccoons yesterday afternoon. They were so cute! I’m happy to report they are safely reunited with their mother.
  • Wow…this is boring. I do have something snarky that has been on my mind since I heard about it last night, but I won’t go there.
  • Oh and I have been ordering things online again, which I shouldn’t do, but it makes me happy, so oh fucking well.

let’s chat…

while i wait on my last appointment of the day to show up.

  • I feel pretty gross. Allergies. I read up on how the pollen count is incredibly high this year, and it will probably only continue to get worse each year due to global warming. Awesome.
  • For a while, I was worried I was allergic to our dog.
  • I started a new Twitter account this afternoon because I was looking for a way to procrastinate. I don’t even know why I bothered, because I’m already bored with it. I just don’t get Twitter.
  • I hardly even check Tumblr anymore. Just like once every couple of days to see if my husband or Carrie have blogged. D is actually pretty good at letting me know. I used to get alerts, but those stopped working. Tumblr sucks. I want everyone to move to WordPress. CHANGE YOURSELF FOR ME.
  • This weekend is my husband’s 45th birthday. We are having a party on Saturday night. I’m looking forward to it. I guess I need to clean my house though. Boo.
  • I was supposed to have a hair appointment tomorrow, but I had to reschedule it due to a court conflict. So now I’m not going for like two weeks. My hair already looks awful, so that’s fun. I know…first world problems.
  • My hair is getting longer though, and I like it.
  • I have more to say, but my 5 pm is here so I gotta go.