12:04 am

I’m feeling all kinds of weird and worked up right now. I’m not sure why. I should be asleep by now, because I’m exhausted, and this bed is comfortable. My brain is stupid and I hate it. We had a good night tonight. My favorite part was the long walk with the kids and the dog. I love how they just tell me everything without reservation. Being their confidant may be my favorite thing. Gotta enjoy it while it lasts, but I do very much hope it lasts forever. If only. My heart kind of aches tonight for both good and sad reasons. You know how it is.

good morning

  • I survived night four.
  • D got his flight moved up so that he’s arriving in STL at 10:30 pm on Friday. Only two sleeps to go!
  • I usually message him around 10:30 pm (5:30 am in Spain) with sappy things that he’ll read when he first wakes up. I miss him so much. The days aren’t too bad, but the nights are brutal.
  • I woke up this morning with an awful headache. The cause is a toss up between allergies and stress.
  • Excederin has become my new best friend these last few months.
  • As has Benadryl. I took two last night since the kids weren’t home. 😴😴😴
  • With D being gone, I’ve been taking Bismarck on his night walks. It never ceases to amaze me how vibrant the stars appear out here in the suburbs. It’s a definite perk of the suburbs life.
  • The downside? Running into neighbors that want to chat. I don’t like making small talk with neighbors, but it’s like a suburban wife/mom duty and ughhhhhh.
  • For the most part, our neighbors are cool, and I like them, but one of the husbands gives off a pervy vibe when we’re alone. He’s always complimenting my appearance, and I’m giving him major side eye. Also he’s a raging conservative and isn’t shy about expressing his opinion. I really like his wife though.
  • I’m working from home today so I can concentrate on trial prep. I’m giving myself a 9 am start time, so I’m just going to zone out for the next hour.
  • Tonight is a custody night. It’s going to be another movie night. I think they’re going to love tonight’s pick. One silver lining of the husband’s absence has been that the kids and I have spent some serious quality time together. It was weird not having them here last night, but it was also nice having a break.
  • I leave you with something insanely cute to brighten your day:

Cozy kitty! The purring is loud with this one.

some shit going down right now

  • Saturday is Freya’s birthday, but we don’t have her this year (boo!!), so we are doing our little family party Friday (tomorrow) night. Our original plan was Sunday, but we forgot that D is going out of town on Sunday. So Friday night it is. The plan is to hit up Bowlero for some bowling and dinner, then back to the house for cake and presents. Should be a good time. But this means that D and I have to go out tonight to buy the presents. We already have the big one picked out.
  • Speaking of the weekend, as I mentioned above, D is leaving town. He’s going to fucking Idaho of all places. For a conference. I will miss him mucho, as always.
  • And, of course, this is the week that both kids start day camp. Because naturally. So I will have much running around to do next week; dropping off two kids and the dog at various sites all over St. Charles and St. Louis Counties, and then hauling ass all over to various courts, then back to pick everyone up. Repeat.
  • To be fair, D told me Freya could stay with her mom, who apparently made the offer, but (1) I would miss her, and (2) I asked Freya her preference and she was adamant that she not miss time at our house. I can’t say no to that. Oh and (3) I’ve taken her on as my child, and, therefore, I will treat her as such. Gotta take the good with the bad, right? Having kids is inconvenient sometimes. Such is life.
  • Jackson is super excited about Saturday night because I have arranged for him to have his very first sleepover guest. His friend is coming over Saturday afternoon and staying the night. He is so very pleased. He did a happy dance when I told him. It has been hard to arrange sleepovers (and even play dates), because his friends mostly live in Chesterfield, which is like 20 minutes away. It isn’t a great distance, but given the age of the kids (8), most parents feel weird about it. Plus, I kind of hate getting to know all these rando parents, so that hasn’t made it any easier. I finally met this kid’s mom at the pool last weekend, and we hit it off, so yay.
  • I’ve been enjoying going to the gym. I’m back to running, and it feels really good. I need to introduce some strength training into the mix. Maybe next week.
  • I helped attempt a rescue of three baby raccoons yesterday afternoon. They were so cute! I’m happy to report they are safely reunited with their mother.
  • Wow…this is boring. I do have something snarky that has been on my mind since I heard about it last night, but I won’t go there.
  • Oh and I have been ordering things online again, which I shouldn’t do, but it makes me happy, so oh fucking well.

let’s chat…

while i wait on my last appointment of the day to show up.

  • I feel pretty gross. Allergies. I read up on how the pollen count is incredibly high this year, and it will probably only continue to get worse each year due to global warming. Awesome.
  • For a while, I was worried I was allergic to our dog.
  • I started a new Twitter account this afternoon because I was looking for a way to procrastinate. I don’t even know why I bothered, because I’m already bored with it. I just don’t get Twitter.
  • I hardly even check Tumblr anymore. Just like once every couple of days to see if my husband or Carrie have blogged. D is actually pretty good at letting me know. I used to get alerts, but those stopped working. Tumblr sucks. I want everyone to move to WordPress. CHANGE YOURSELF FOR ME.
  • This weekend is my husband’s 45th birthday. We are having a party on Saturday night. I’m looking forward to it. I guess I need to clean my house though. Boo.
  • I was supposed to have a hair appointment tomorrow, but I had to reschedule it due to a court conflict. So now I’m not going for like two weeks. My hair already looks awful, so that’s fun. I know…first world problems.
  • My hair is getting longer though, and I like it.
  • I have more to say, but my 5 pm is here so I gotta go.

just another list post

  • I’ve been so very busy at the office. I’m going to have to work more tonight, but I’m going to take a couple of hours to chill and then have dinner with the family.
  • Tomorrow is the big day! I see my doc at 11:30. It was supposed to be 8:30 and then they called to reschedule because she has to be in surgery tomorrow morning. I was freaking the fuck out because nooooooooo!!! But they were able to squeeze me in, thankfully.
  • I texted the husband about it, and his response was hilarious. We are both relieved. It’s still possible I won’t be cleared tomorrow, but I’m optimistic. I’ve been feeling much more like myself.
  • We were a bit naughty this morning, though. It’s been too long. We’re going crazy.
  • Today I met a blue french bulldog puppy named Lulu and OMFG THE CUTE!!!
  • I took Bismarck to the office today, which is always an interesting experience. On the drive down:

  • I’ve started journaling again and it feels good.
  • I’ve been limiting my internet time, which also feels good.
  • I’m thinking about creating my own blog challenge for June. I figure that could be fun. I don’t like any of the ones I’m finding on Pinterest.
  • This is getting too long. So bye.

love bug

This morning I was stopped at a traffic light in Chesterfield, and an older lady in the car next to me honked to get my attention. She motioned for me to roll down my window, and then asked me how I like my car. I have a 2017 VW Beetle Convertible. I told her I love it. It’s zippy, fun to drive, and cute. She then told me that she had ordered one just like mine, and it was set to be delivered this weekend. She said she had even special ordered seats just like mine (I have the vintage style gingham seats). She was so excited! She said she’s wanted one of these cars since she was 14-years-old.  The entire interaction was so unexpectedly sweet. It kind of made my morning.

monday morning musings

I’m stuck at the VW dealership without my kindle so I guess I should blog to pass the time.

They have donuts here. I just had a blueberry cake donut. Those are my favorite.

One of the techs was showing me fancy shit my car does and he was like, “It’s good for young ladies like you to learn this stuff,” and I was thinking lol how old do you think I am. I’m pretty sure I don’t qualify as a young lady anymore.

It’s this sweet ass skin of mine that confuses people. Thanks, dad! And, of course, it helps that I’m basically a vampire.

So anyway…last night the husband and I went to see Phantom of the Opera, and it was fantastic. I’m not a huge fan of musicals anymore, but I wanted to do this for fifteen year old Jenn, who was obsessed with musicals, and never got to see a live performance of Phantom. I bought super expensive seats because yolo.

Shout out to my husband for being a very good sport about it, considering it was very much not his jam.

We’re actually going to see Book of Mormon in a couple of weeks, and shockingly that was his idea, not mine. We’re going with the bestie and her man. I’m certain it will be a good time. And next time I plan on hitting up the champagne bar ahead of time. Last night, I was served cold cabernet at the venue, and just no, no, no.

In other news, I desperately need to start exercising again. I need it to stop raining though because I hate the treadmill.

But ugh…I feel fatter than ever, and timehop keeps showing me how fit I was just two years ago. *cries*

I look super frumpy today so no ootd pic. Tomorrow I’m hoping to wear a super cute skirt I acquired via Poshmark. Green with white polka dots. 😍 I just need to find a top that will work with it.

I hate wishing my life away, but I’m already yearning for next weekend. There’s just too much adulting between now and then. Meh.

Peace out for now.

Please forgive any typos. This is a phone post. I left my MacBook at the office.

I’m currently sitting alone in the dark. The kids are making a movie about the dog. The husband is on the way home from Wash U. Tonight was the final exam…finally. I get him back on Monday and Wednesday nights until next January. Yay!

Okay so back to me sitting in the dark: It has been a day. So much stress. So much work. So much traffic. And then I had to wrestle the dog into the car, which hurt. I’m now in pain at all my incisions. I’m contemplating pain meds, but I kinda want to take Advil PM and it’s still a bit early for that. It’s only 8:21 pm.

I’m kind of at a loss with what to do about work stuff. I want to talk about it, but not publicly. So I’m waiting on the husband to get home. I will say, however, that I’m tempted to just burn the entire thing to the ground…figuratively of course.

I will admit that I’ve been censoring myself here on the blog. It’s a combination of caring less about blogging generally, and also not wanting to share so much because who are you people anyway?? I want to write it out though, but not handwriting it out, because arthritis. I could start a new blog, but I’m tired of starting new blogs. What I should do is delete the analytics and stop worrying obsessing about who may be reading. Because what does it matter anyway?

Having a paid account is a blessing and a curse.

My mom wants to get together. I haven’t seen her since the wedding, and barely even then. I’m contemplating it. But it feels like such a commitment. Just the thought is overwhelming me.

(See…this is where I start obsessing over whether my mom is reading this. Ugh. Please don’t read this.)

I’m also thinking of inviting some of D’s family down for a weekend. (Not his parents obviously since they think I’m a “floozy,” don’t recognize our marriage, and refuse to come to our house.) But…family gatherings aren’t really our jam. And an entire weekend is probably too much. Ugh idk.

If I’m being honest, I like the “just the four of us” mentality we have adopted. It works for us. It’s uncomplicated. We’re happy as is so why fuck it up?

I don’t like the idea that we’re obligated to spend time with people just because we share some DNA.

But both kids have been asking about the extended family. I want to give them those experiences with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, but I just don’t know that it’s in the cards.

Freya asked me the other day if it bothers me that D’s parents refuse to meet me. I told her it doesn’t, because they aren’t the kind of people I want to know. I also told her it’s okay if she does want to know them. But she’s conflicted because she can’t figure out wtf their problem is basically. She’s like why don’t they like you guys? It doesn’t make sense to her, because she is everything that is good, and they are repulsive hate filled assholes.

Wow this has gotten long.

I should do the stream of consciousness thing more often. You never know where you’ll end up!

In other news, I had what felt like a totally normal, non-awkward conversation with D’s ex tonight and it was nice. I wish it could always go that way.

Last night at the show, I was dancing, and a lady started a conversation with me. She asked, pointing to D up on the stage, “Are you two together?” I said yes, and she replied, “I could tell something was going on. You two keep giving heart eyes to each other. You two have major chemistry.” I told her that we’re newlyweds, and she got a big kick out of it.

Also, earlier in the evening, D was like, “I saw this really hot chick walk in and then I was like oh shit that’s my wife.” 🤗

Random babble

  • It’s back to raining. Boo. My sinuses are not pleased.
  • I had an eye exam this morning. I ordered new glasses, as well as a year’s supply of contacts.

  • I sent a pic of myself wearing them to D and he responded, “Classic Jenn.” Accurate.
  • When I saw this pair, I grabbed them immediately. The sales guy was like let me know when you have several pairs and we’ll narrow it down. I was like that’s not going to be necessary. 🤣 I know what works for me.
  • A lady I spoke with today told me she couldn’t believe I’m actually 38. (Almost 39!) She said she thought it was more like 28. That feels good considering I’ll be post-menopausal in like 11 days.
  • I’m starting to get nervous.
  • I’ve been browsing pinterest looking for an April blog challenge.
  • I’m feeling very unmotivated today. I feel tired and lazy. I need to get in a run later regardless.
  • Thrive works. I should be hungover today given how much Bell’s Two Hearted I drank last night.
  • I’m kind of surprised by all the self proclaimed atheists who are celebrating Easter. Old habits die hard, I guess. We don’t celebrate it, obviously. Though I will buy some candy, because…candy. I need a Cadbury cream egg.
  • No Peeps though. Marshmallow candy is repulsive.
  • I’m considering making a cake tomorrow. A carrot cake sounds appealing. I’m in a baking mood.
  • Tonight we’ll be playing D&D with the family. Evangeline Dragonsblood needs a new costume. I saw this on Etsy and I think it’s going to need to be mine:

for the record

  • I’m on Day 3 of this fucking headache and I can’t even…like wtf. NOTHING works. Nothing. Pills, caffeine, sleep, weed…nothing.
  • I need a fucking muscle relaxer and 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. For starters.
  • And maybe a Xanax. I am wound tightly this week. I’m trying to relax. Just breathe through it. Nothing is fucked. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Et cetera.
  • The weather this weekend is going to be gross both here and in KC. I have revised our travel plans. I have to go no matter what, because I have a hearing early Monday morning, but I don’t have to go for the entire weekend.
  • Still…I want a road trip. Guess we should plan another. Maybe we should go back to Memphis. I really like Memphis.
  • I’ve been feeling more body positive lately. I’ve decided to stop hating my mom bod. Hopefully this feeling will last a while.
  • Since my surgery isn’t until 3/21, I suppose I have no excuse for my current lack of exercise. I was waiting to start an exercise routine until after surgery, because it would just go to shit when I go on bed rest for two + weeks, but fuck it. No time like the present, right?
  • I should make use of this expensive treadmill I have in my office.
  • I feel like a shitty wife because I keep falling asleep super early on our kid-free nights. But…I got major wife points for how well our dinner went last night, so I guess I’ll just coast on that for a while.
  • I’ll have a chance to earn more wife points on Thursday evening. Another work event. This one is a bigger deal.
  • I guess I should work. I really don’t want to, just so you know. The only things that sound good to me right now are eating a giant burrito and then taking a long nap.