Please forgive any typos. This is a phone post. I left my MacBook at the office.
I’m currently sitting alone in the dark. The kids are making a movie about the dog. The husband is on the way home from Wash U. Tonight was the final exam…finally. I get him back on Monday and Wednesday nights until next January. Yay!
Okay so back to me sitting in the dark: It has been a day. So much stress. So much work. So much traffic. And then I had to wrestle the dog into the car, which hurt. I’m now in pain at all my incisions. I’m contemplating pain meds, but I kinda want to take Advil PM and it’s still a bit early for that. It’s only 8:21 pm.
I’m kind of at a loss with what to do about work stuff. I want to talk about it, but not publicly. So I’m waiting on the husband to get home. I will say, however, that I’m tempted to just burn the entire thing to the ground…figuratively of course.
I will admit that I’ve been censoring myself here on the blog. It’s a combination of caring less about blogging generally, and also not wanting to share so much because who are you people anyway?? I want to write it out though, but not handwriting it out, because arthritis. I could start a new blog, but I’m tired of starting new blogs. What I should do is delete the analytics and stop
worrying obsessing about who may be reading. Because what does it matter anyway?
Having a paid account is a blessing and a curse.
My mom wants to get together. I haven’t seen her since the wedding, and barely even then. I’m contemplating it. But it feels like such a commitment. Just the thought is overwhelming me.
(See…this is where I start obsessing over whether my mom is reading this. Ugh. Please don’t read this.)
I’m also thinking of inviting some of D’s family down for a weekend. (Not his parents obviously since they think I’m a “floozy,” don’t recognize our marriage, and refuse to come to our house.) But…family gatherings aren’t really our jam. And an entire weekend is probably too much. Ugh idk.
If I’m being honest, I like the “just the four of us” mentality we have adopted. It works for us. It’s uncomplicated. We’re happy as is so why fuck it up?
I don’t like the idea that we’re obligated to spend time with people just because we share some DNA.
But both kids have been asking about the extended family. I want to give them those experiences with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, but I just don’t know that it’s in the cards.
Freya asked me the other day if it bothers me that D’s parents refuse to meet me. I told her it doesn’t, because they aren’t the kind of people I want to know. I also told her it’s okay if she does want to know them. But she’s conflicted because she can’t figure out wtf their problem is basically. She’s like why don’t they like you guys? It doesn’t make sense to her, because she is everything that is good, and they are repulsive hate filled assholes.
Wow this has gotten long.
I should do the stream of consciousness thing more often. You never know where you’ll end up!
In other news, I had what felt like a totally normal, non-awkward conversation with D’s ex tonight and it was nice. I wish it could always go that way.