here I go blogging again

I wish there was a way to hide all the Tiger King memes from my timeline. I’m not hating on anyone – just sick of seeing it EVERYWHERE.

Oh well. Keep scrolling, bitch.

I’m being used as a cat bed currently:

And it was awesome for a while, but one of them keeps farting, and God damn it’s awful.

I still feel terrible btw. I had to cancel all my fun Skype dates for the day. Sad face. But I can’t be social right now.

I do feel better for getting in a bit of work this afternoon. Now I feel like I deserve to relax.

This is me in my home office: faking it til I make it.

That’s my favorite calculator. I can’t function without it. D makes fun of it and says it’s not a real calculator. Lol.

I went and got the kids today, while D handled the shopping we’ve been putting off. Here’s what $300 looks like:

And that doesn’t even include alcohol. 😳

I cannot watch TV for a while. My plan for tonight is to walk (if my body will allow it), take a bubble bath, and read until I pass out.

I’ve been having to take a Xanax every night, along with my Trazadone, in order to calm down enough to sleep. We’ve also started listening to soothing outdoor sounds on an app D bought.

D sent me this today and it made me lol for real.

It’s taco night. My favorite. D also got me low carb Breyer’s vanilla ice cream, and a selection of mug cake mixes, so he’s the real hero.

It’s Day 18 of self-quarantine for us. Yep…I’m going to count down every single day. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 18 days down…two months to go??

Okay bye.

Stay sexy. Don’t get murdered.

(I’ve been listening to My Favorite Murder again)

😘😘

a little bit of this/a little bit of that

  • Season 3 of Ozark was fucking incredible. That last scene…speechless.
  • I watched the trailer for Tiger King, and I’m just not feeling it, dog.
  • Honestly, I’m fucking tired of watching tv.
  • I found a mini cadbury creme egg in my bedside table, and it was very exciting.
  • My Chewy.com subscription for cat litter is way delayed, so I had to make a quick trip into Target. It is the first time I’ve been inside a Target in over a month. I almost cried. I wanted to stay and walk around and touch all the things, but I didn’t. I grabbed my shit and got the fuck outta there in record time. Oh Target…I miss you so.
  • I recently started using a new skincare line, and I’m really digging it so far. It’s Elizabeth Arden. I’m using the Vitamin C Ceramide Capsules (morning) and the Retinol Ceramide Capsules (evening). They have fantastic reviews, and I can see why. I’m thinking I’m going to check out the moisturizers next.
  • Just found out today that DMB radio is coming back to SiriusXM starting TOMORROW. Yay.
  • I’m still hoping that the summer tour will be a go, though I have a bad feeling about it. I refuse to give up hope.
  • It was so good to see Carrie today (via Skype) for lunch.
  • I have another Skype lunch date tomorrow (with Madison), and then a Skype wine date tomorrow night with Jen.
  • Saturday night we have another little Skype party planned. We’re going to play Truth or Drink with Chris, Jess, Jen, and Matt. Should be fun.
  • It’s almost midnight. I keep forgetting what day it is. Time has no meaning anymore.

wacky wednesday

I’ve been maintaining my “get dressed up to work at home” goal.

However, I have a secret: I’ve been wearing my super cozy & comfortable Isotoner slippers instead of real shoes. All day every day. This is the life.

My co-workers are being obnoxious dicks today:

This meme is everything:

I literally laugh snorted when I read it.

A fun pic from yesterday, just because:

That’s my home office manager. She’s constantly supervising.

My son got a new puppy over at his dad’s house:

She’s very sweet.

I did that draw yourself meme that’s going around. Feel free to laugh:

I’d still bang me.

Lol. Bye. 😘

The Saturday Recap Post

It’s 6:49 am and it’s still dark af. Hello, DST.

Why am I awake so early on a Sunday? Good fucking question. My body is an asshole.

Let’s talk about yesterday…

My phone has been acting up – like I was restarting it five+ times per day. So we went to t-mobile and D bought me a new phone. I got an iPhone 11 Pro, and now that I have the hang of how to use it, I’m in love. This camera is insane!!

First new phone selfie:

I wore my flamingo dress yesterday, and got lots of looks. The cashier at Petco told me I was “quirky cute without trying too hard.” Lol okay.

Our weekend house project was to begin installing the pulls/handles on our kitchen cabinets. It only took us 3 1/2 years. Haha. We (and by we I mean D) installed the first set, and it looks great!

The goal is to have the entire kitchen done by the 28th (cancer party).

Speaking of the cancer party, the attendance list is fucking insane, and now certain colleagues are coming whom I never would have invited, but for word spreading, and people saying stuff like “everyone wants to come support you.” What am I supposed to say about that?

Okay back to yesterday:

We were planning on going out (specifically to the city for Thai food) but then decided to stay home and watch Star Trek. You might be an old nerd if…

We watched some original series, some DS9, and the first episode of Discovery. So good.

Here are some other pics that I want to post just because this camera is 🔥🔥🔥.

Cuties.

Oh I forgot to mention: while D and I were out to lunch yesterday, he received a text from his mom, whom he hasn’t spoken with in years, because her and his dad flat our refused to meet me. The first message said she was very sorry to hear about my cancer returning. We were both surprised. D thanked her. But then she responded with some long ass rant about how upset she is that we are athiests. Yep…there it is. Now the world makes sense again. Lol.

“And now with Jennifer so terribly sick, I can hardly bear the consequences of your atheism.”

I’m worried about a lot of things right now, burning in hell isn’t one of them. People are a constant disappointment.

Happy Sunday! Today is supposed to be beautiful. Seize the day!! ❤️

biopsy day aka wednesday

People keep calling me, and I keep sending the calls to voice mail. I’m not in the mood to chat. I’m exhausted. I have a headache. My back is sore as fuck.

Anyway…the biopsy: it’s done. Doc says they got three good samples. I was drugged up, but not knocked out, so I was aware of what was happening, and it was not pleasant. I’m sure you’re shocked to hear that having a giant needle stuck into your hip is not a fun time.

And now we wait. We won’t have the results by Friday, so the appointment with the oncologist is being rescheduled to next week.

Here’s a pic of us hanging in the waiting room:

This morning was pretty nice. We hung out in bed cuddling, chatting, and listening to music. Got in a hot bang. I wish all mornings could be like that.

We’ve been setting up lots of fun plans. We set up a Brew Hop tour, and we’re doing a tequila & taco event with J&M. Oh and we bought tickets to Microfest (beer festival).

I’m following Shannen Doherty on Insta now. She has MBC too, and her posts are helping me. I stole this from her page:

Relevant af.

Ordered this today:

Other internet stuff from this week that has spoken to me:

The ladies had to reschedule some appointments set for today, because obviously I was unable to be in the office. Well this one cunt sent two really shitty emails saying that I’m an unprofessional asshole for doing so. Here is my response:

I’m not biting my tongue with these motherfuckers anymore.

That’s all for now.

✌🏻️

what’s going on…

  • We’re fucking killing it at the law firm. I love tax refund season. I got to pay myself today – and it was more than it has been in a while. It won’t last, but I’ll enjoy it while it does.
  • Speaking of the law firm, I am trying to decide what the next steps are. I cannot keep going on in this fashion. It’s too much for one person. I have to de-stress my life. It’s just such a big decision, and there are so many factors to consider, and in the face of so much uncertainty. UGH. I’m stressed out just thinking about it. Moving on…
  • I’ve also been killing it with the working out. It helps that my husband is riding my ass. We’ve been alternating working out at home and going to the gym. I upgraded my membership on Sunday – so now I have access to the different classes, the studios, the women’s only fitness area, and the hydromassage. I’m actually kind of excited about it. We are going back tomorrow night.
  • Tonight one of my bestie’s came over (Annie), and she joined me and the kiddos for dinner. D was out with a friend. We had a good time. I think she just really needed to see me and hug me.
  • A week from tomorrow, I’ll be going out with both of my besties at the same time, and I am so pumped. I don’t know why we didn’t do this sooner. I’m thinking we’re going to end up at Sephora and/or Ulta. haha.
  • Tonight at dinner, the kids asked a bunch of questions about my diagnosis/prognosis. They are trying to wrap their heads around it. It was all very chill – nobody was upset or anything. I think it helps to talk about it. We have to normalize things – this is our new way of life.
  • I feel like I’m riding an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I am fine – almost normal even. Other times, I fall into a deep pit of despair, and I feel like I’m drowning in it. Those times are, luckily, not as frequent as you might think.
  • D posted a link to Facebook today to try to inform our friends/family about life with metastatic breast cancer, which I really appreciated, because it is a lot different from even my original breast cancer diagnosis. There is no cure. There are a lot of misconceptions. You can read that article here if you are interested.
  • Every ache and pain in my body screams cancer to me now, and ugh what a way to live.
  • I have a big hearing tomorrow morning and I am kind of dreading it/kind of looking forward to it. It’s my sweet little old dude’s Chapter 7 liquidation case. He has a big house filled with antiques and collectibles that will be sold by the Trustee, but I’m worried he’s going to be a hot mess giving his testimony, because he is quite old and tends to ramble quite a bit. I’m going to have to keep him from going off the rails, and I’m just kind of nervous about it.
  • I’m trying to stay busy. It hasn’t been too difficult. I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now.
  • That’s all for now. xoxo

in the thick of it

This week has been…a lot. I’m so grateful it’s Friday. I am ready to cut loose and have a fun-filled weekend. We originally had plans scheduled tonight with Matt & Jen, and then Rob and Ann Saturday night, but all of those plans have been canceled. It’s a non-custody weekend, and we plan to dig in and do our thing this weekend: just us two. Right now we just don’t have time for anyone other than us (and the kids obviously).

When D got home last night, he was still sort of weepy and bummed out, so I gave him a stern talking to, which basically boiled down to: I’m not dead yet. Stop mourning me already. It helped. In fact, he was like, “I need you to yell at me. What would I do if I didn’t have you to yell at me?” I didn’t yell (lol), but you get the idea.

Anyway – we had a great night last night. We made dinner, and watched the newest Picard. We had very hot, intense, passionate, emotional sex (twice). We talked about a lot of stuff – some sad stuff, some future plans, some what-ifs, but it wasn’t super sad or anything. It’s taking a toll – the not knowing – but we are doing the best that we can under the circumstances.

The plan for tonight is to do our normal Friday night routine; meaning we will make dinner and eventually watch something. I haven’t been drinking much recently because of my stomach issues, but we are going to drink one of our bottles of Picard wine tonight. More on that later!

As far as the rest of the weekend is concerned, we’ve thrown out a bunch of ideas. I know we are going to finally tackle our DMB poster project (and some other home decor shit we’ve been putting off). There will be pics – duh. And we talked about maybe doing our tattoos finally. All I know is that I am tired of putting stuff off. It’s like the blog title says: the future is no place to place your better days. It’s easy to lose sight of how fleeting and precious life is, and, even if I’m absolutely fine, I am actually kind of grateful for the reminder. I needed this kick in the ass.

I’m wearing a dress and necklace that I’ve had for a while, but haven’t worn out of the house before. It’s time to be bold. What am I waiting for?

cf9d527a-a103-42ff-ac39-d9c8a3ec629c

In other news –

  • I am obsessed with the My Favorite Murder podcast, and have been listening to it all day. I’m glad I’m not the only weirdo obsessed with true crime.
  • D wants to know my top 5 vacation requests – so I’ve been thinking about that. I def want to do England/Ireland. I also want to do over-the-water bungalows somewhere exotic as fuck. And I want to take the kids on a kick-ass family vacation this summer. We had been discussing a trip to Florida, but now I’m thinking Cancun or Turks & Caicos. Go big or go the fuck home. I want the memories, and, more importantly, I want them to have the memories.
  • I also told D last night that, if we get bad news, I want a second opinion (and maybe a third) on treatment. I’ll do whatever Dr. Rearden tells me to do while we wait, but we have enough money that I can get a second opinion from one of the really prestigious cancer centers, like MD Anderson or Sloan Kettering or the fucking Mayo Clinic. I’m not fucking around with this shit. I want all the time I can squeeze out of this body.
  • I want to head over to Illinois and check out the weed shops. I also want to get some CBD oil. Again – this is all stuff I’ve wanted to do, but always put off. It’s time.
  • Oh and I almost forgot: Scott (former business partner) texted me. I told him what is going on, and it sounds like he will do whatever I want to do. He got really emotional actually. I told him I’d contact him in a couple of weeks and we can meet to discuss things. I need that put to bed so that I can make plans for the future. Regardless of my prognosis, I know that I have to change my career in a big way. The stress has taken a huge toll on my health, and I simply cannot do it anymore. At least not like this. I hate being a business owner. Yeah – there are a few perks – but mostly it is a fucking never-ending grind, that has resulted in very little money and even less satisfaction. It is not worth it. If this cancer doesn’t kill me, this job will.
  • So there ya have it. Have a great day, a fabulous weekend, and, as my grandfather used to always say, “Don’t take any wooden nickels.”

 

 

notes on the day

This was me before I drove to the airport to get my husband.

Are you tired of seeing my face yet?

Check out all the fucking geese right by my house. The pic doesn’t do it justice.

That reminds me of a conversation I had with Karen recently. Lol. SO MANY GEESE WTF.

We grabbed dinner at McGurk’s, and I managed to keep it low carb. I didn’t have fries even though I love their fries!

I’m not feeling super well tonight. I have a variety of issues going on this evening, unfortunately. I’m hoping I can at least get a good night’s sleep. My good sleep charm is home. ❤️

I got a promising email from my attorney. I don’t have many details yet. I just want to put this behind me and start the next chapter.

I’m supposed to take Sansa to the vet at 8 am, and ugggghhhhh. I don’t know if that’s gonna pan out.

My favorite memes from today:

I’m looking forward to a weekend with the kids. This morning Jackson read to me on the way to school. ❤️

And I can’t hear this song anymore without thinking of Scott.

You can only lean on me for so long

Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown

Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down

You can only lean on me for so long

So sorry it’s over, so sorry it’s over

There’s so much more that I wanted and

There’s so much more that I needed and

Time keeps moving on and on and on

Soon we’ll all be gone

a day in the life: work day edition

9:20 am

I’m going to just type things here in this text box as they come to me throughout the day.

Those sleeping pills work, dude. Maybe too well.

My 9:00 appointment canceled. They always cancel. I don’t know why the ladies even bother setting them.

Traffic was beautiful today. I love driving on holidays.

I like staying home on holidays more tho. lol.

***

10:25 am

So far 3 out of 3 appointments have either canceled or no-showed. This is typical. Especially in the mornings.

At least it’s giving me time to get caught up on other stuff.

Just got an invite to N’s birthday party on 2/8. It’s a super small gathering. Beer & games at URB/Recess. Should be fun. Our February is already booking up. D and I want to go on a mini weekend vacay the weekend of Feb 21st. We’re thinking Memphis. Then that Sunday night, I have a ticket to see Rent!! And let’s not forget Valentine’s Day! I love Valentine’s Day!

***

10:58 am

Why are so many people comfortable with being late? It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. It’s so fucking disrespectful. On time to a professional appointment is at least 10 minutes before the scheduled appointment. I’ll give you a pass if you at least show up at the appointment time, but people who walk in ten to twenty minutes late like it’s no big deal: ooh that shit really fucking enrages me.

***

11:26 am

My 2020 rule of not working for free is starting to piss a lot of people off – including my staff.

People know what the rules are. If they choose not to follow the rules, I refuse to let that be my problem anymore. I’m done with this shit.

I’m extremely fucking annoyed.

***

12:16 pm

No longer annoyed. My mood swings, dude, let me tell you. Hey, I’m Cancer sun and Cancer moon. It goes with the territory.

I just finished my go-to Bread Co salad, aka The Jenn Special: half chicken caesar salad with extra dressing and add gorgonzola.

I think I need to cut way back on my drinking again. It has creeped up these past two weeks. We’ve had a lot of shit going on though. Soon I’ll be on oxy for a bit – so I won’t be able to drink. It will be easy to go full-on Keto during my recovery week. I’m hoping to lose a couple of pounds. I need to see the 140s again!!

Though, honestly, I haven’t been getting any complaints. If you know what I mean.

People who wait until the day before a foreclosure sale to call an attorney are baffling to me. And then they’re like: drop everything to save my house, but I don’t have any money to pay you.

cool, cool, cool. PASS.

One of my favorite work related things is when someone calls for a quote, then talks shit about the amount, hangs up on us, and then calls back like 30 minutes later to hire us. Yep. We’re a good deal, motherfucker, but now the price has gone up. *shrugs* Don’t be a dick!

***

12:42 pm

Five of the seven afternoon appointments have confirmed. Not that this really means anything. Haha.

***

3:30 pm

I just finished four back-to-back consultations.

Oof.

Now I’m eating a beef stick and some cheese. Mmm.

***

3:39 pm

Some lady called here earlier wanting to file Ch 13 to stop the sale of her home scheduled for tomorrow fucking afternoon. Then I find out that the real estate is actually owned by her LLC, and she was going to go quit claim it into her own name. So I was like nah pass. I’m not in the mood to fuck with any of that shit today. Fast forward to just now, when a fellow bk attorney just told me that this chick also called her, and it turns out she has committed all kinds of fraud – including forging the judge’s name in a previous bankruptcy case. HOLY FUCK. Bullet dodged.

***

4:37 pm

Today I had two (male) clients not believe I was the attorney because apparently I look too young. On the one hand, it’s kind of a compliment, right? But, on the other hand, how rude for you to ask what my age is, random man who came in to discuss bankruptcy. My age is old enough to be the only attorney in the room, bro.

*eyeroll*

The office closes in 20 minutes, and I will be heading to a local bar/restaurant to meet up with Carrie. It will be good to see her and get caught up. Despite what I mentioned earlier in this post, I think I’ll be having a drink tonight. It has been a long day.

Not gonna lie: I’m dreading trying to park in the CWE and then walk in the freezing cold to the restaurant, but it will be worth it. Something I really enjoy about the suburbs are the fucking parking lots.

xoxo

 

 

 

babble-on

3 hours of sleep is not enough sleep. You’d think I’d be used to it by now though. I guess I am…I’m exhausted but I’m still getting shit done.

Court this morning was interesting. The nice judge lost her shit on this loser attorney who is always fucking stuff up. It was good to hear/see her finally woman the fuck up and put the smack down. Lawyers like him give the rest of us a bad name.

I was scheduled to have lunch with my sister today. I put aside two hours that I couldn’t spare to do so, because hey…making an effort. But now that the day is actually here…*crickets*. It’s fine. I knew this would happen. This is why I don’t try.

I’m not sad. I’m resigned. It suits me just fine actually.

So I’ve ordered yet another salad from Bread Co, and I am going to crank out some work before these afternoon appointments start showing up.

As of now, we are still set to go out with J&M tonight. We considered rescheduling because of how little sleep we got, but it isn’t like we would go home and go to bed. We would stay up and do shit, so we might as well be social.

Oh and I almost forgot: I AM OFF TOMORROW. I am going to sleep in and it is going to be motherfucking glorious. I am not doing any work either. Fuck that noise. I am going to be a lazy piece of shit until I have to take my little shit demon kitten to the vet at 3:30.

So funny (to me) story: I was having an impossible time getting my hair to curl these last several weeks, and I was so pissy about it. I read a bunch of articles and watched YouTube videos. I couldn’t figure out why my hair suddenly wouldn’t hold a curl. Then I read this article that was like, “You can’t complain about your hair not curling if you are still using that same busted ass curling iron from 1999.” (Okay so that’s paraphrased, but you get the idea) So then the light bulb went off, and I was like…Oh shit this curling iron is old as fuck. I bought it way back in the day when I had long hair, but then I went through like 8 years of having short hair and didn’t use it much.  It’s old as fuck. I went and bought a new one yesterday, and it’s just a cheap drugstore Conair or some such shit, but IT WORKS. My hair easily and quickly curled this morning, and it only took about 20 minutes. This makes me happier than it should, but one of the reasons I wanted to grow my hair out was to make it all curly and princess like. So here we are. Woo.

It’s the little things sometimes.

Okay – now I will actually do some work.

 

Welcome to 2020!

  • The first list post of the new year!
  • Speaking of firsts, my first selfie of the year was of me smoking a joint.
  • We didn’t see the ball drop, because we were busy banging our friends. 🤷🏻‍♀️
  • There were literally fireworks going off during the sexing. It was funny.
  • In other (non-sex) news, we took all the Christmas stuff down, and it feels great in the house. It makes it obvious that we really need to get some drapes in the big living room, tho.
  • I finally got D to switch to the darkside. #vagueblogging
  • The Napa trip is being planned! Sounds like probably June. It can’t conflict with Deer Creel DMB weekend though!! I need the tour dates to be released. Come on, February!!
  • As of this morning, I’m down six pounds. Official weigh in isn’t until tomorrow morning, though.
  • But…I haven’t cracked yet! Though I’d gladly cut a bitch for a cookie.
  • I can’t believe I have to go to work tomorrow. Fuuuuuuuuck me.
  • I’m not going to proofread this before I post it…fuck it.

Greetings on this last day of 2019

Here I am at the office.

No filter. I’m trying to be better about that. Love the skin you’re in, and all that jazz.

We’re closing early today. Gonna grab something to eat on my way home. I have nobody to pick up! It’s a rare treat. The entire family is already at home.

D and I are hanging with N&N tonight. Not sure what time that’s getting started. I’m already tired, so cool, cool, cool. Ha! I’m grateful they only live five minutes away.

I am super pumped to have the day off tomorrow. I’m going to try to sleep in, though I doubt I’ll be able to do so.

Time is flying. I keep thinking I have more time than I actually do for various things, like SAD Prom. Oh and our couples date on Saturday night…I thought that was two or three weeks out. My surgery date will be here before I know it. So much to do. January is going to be super busy, but that’s good because it means less time to be depressed.

Alrighty…I should wrap a few things up before it’s time to leave. I will leave you with this: