miscellaneous musings 

I spent the day in wet jean shorts (thanks, Thunder River) and so now I’m in a hot bubble bath. Delightful.

I won $25 in a Lularoe party so I picked up a couple of Azures. 

Cackle Spackle is my jam. 

Step-momming win: telling your tween step-daughter she needs to wear her deodorant every single day in a way that goes over well (no hurt feelings). Phew! 

I’m not sure what I want to do for my birthday next month. I found out one of my friends is hosting her birthday party on my actual birthday and I’m slightly annoyed. 

But on the other hand, I’m going to be 38 and she’s going to be fucking 31, so I mean…whatever I guess. I’ll survive obvs.

Awesome news today on the medical front. My doc prescribed my new arthritis med. I’m so relieved. Of course, now the insurance company is bitching, but hopefully we can get that cleared up asap.

Last episode of BCS tonight. Sad face. 

I got my kid to ride a few new rides today, but it was a struggle. He’s so much like his dad sometimes and it can make me crazy. 


truthful tuesday: a list post

  • I like Amy Schumer and idgaf.
  • I hate my current haircut. I think my stylist did a shitty job.
  • And I think I’m being too much of a scared little bitch to do what I really want with my hair because I’m worried I need to look a certain way on my wedding day. (I want to chop it all off like right now and go back to my short, jet black, pixie hair).
  • I bought my mom a Mother’s Day card for the first time in years. Now I just need to mail it off.
  • I’ll feel lucky if my ex even remembers to have Jackson give me/make me a card for Mother’s Day.
  • It feels sort of weird to be in a position where I’m helping my step-daughter pick out and buy presents for her mom for Mother’s Day. And even weirder that I’m strangely excited about helping out with it.
  • That said, I think Mother’s Day is a stupid holiday that makes a lot of people feel bad needlessly. Not all of us have good relationships with our mothers. Not all of us have living mothers. That’s important to remember.
  • For example, I offered to buy D a card to send to his mom and he declined. Given what I know about the situation, I can’t blame him, but I know he will feel a little shitty about things on Sunday and that makes me sad for him.
  • This weekend is my bestie’s birthday. We are going out tonight for dinner. I have yet to buy her any gifts. I’m probably going to get her a fat gift card to Ulta and call it a day.
  • Her birthday always reminds me of getting separated, because it was on her birthday five years ago that the ex and I broke up. It also happened to be Mother’s Day. Double fucking whammy, right?
  • It was at her birthday party five years ago (the night before her actual b-day), that I took a good look at him and decided enough was enough. I simply couldn’t do it anymore.
  • It’s scary how much you can love somebody until you simply don’t anymore.
  • It’s also scary how much you can think you love somebody, until you find somebody else you love more, and then you feel confused about what your feelings really were. It’s a bit of a mind fuck.
  • All those little hurts add up, people. Don’t forget that.
  • This post is sort of dark, but I promise I’m actually in a pretty good mood.
  • Despite the fact that I’m probably going to get yelled at by the judge tomorrow morning.
  • Send booze, cake, and Xanax.

monday meanderings

  • There is snow on the ground. It’s rainy too. A very blah sort of day.
  • Obligatory DST/Spring forward sucks balls comment right here.
  • I’m wearing fleece leggings right now, and I must admit they may be better than LLR. They are warm, soft, and super cozy. Also the length on this particular brand is excellent.
  • I have a pile of work on my desk and zero motivation to address it.
  • D and I started seriously researching honeymoon options last night. Right now St. Lucia is high on our list. It looks incredible.
  • Today is weigh in day. I haven’t been following WW very closely, but I do feel like I’ve been making better choices overall. I figured I’d see a gain this week, but nope: .6 lb loss. I’ll take it!
  • The plan is to start counting points again today. We went to the gym yesterday, where I managed an hour of cardio. I plan to exercise again tonight.
  • This post is boring. Bye.


  • I don’t feel well.
  • My head hurts. Enough that it gets it’s own bullet. Even after Fioricet.
  • I don’t like thin mints. In fact, I don’t really like Girl Scout cookies at all, though I admittedly have high hopes for the smores cookies. 
  • I don’t care if Lularoe is a pyramid scheme. Their shit is cute (though admittedly overpriced). I enjoy that not every random person is wearing the same prints as me.
  • I’m a snob.
  • Sweet and spicy BBQ popcorn for the win.
  • PTSDee was hilarious.
  • Chemo ruined my toe nail beds.
  • Is it date night yet? 
  • Difficult Women is really good so far. About halfway through. 
  • I have to wake up crazy early again tomorrow morning for court and I’m DREADING it. 
  • I think I’m going to venture out in a bit and purchase a crochet kit. 

thoughts while walking around the house

Mostly it’s just D and I using the main living room. We hunker down there in the evenings. Drinking, smoking, chatting, giggling. In the morning, you can see piles of clothing that were hastily discarded the evening before. Little piles of dirty socks that D leaves lying about like he’s marking his territory, and which make me smile as I pick them up. There are blankets and pillows everywhere. That’s the only way I know how to live.

I need to change the litter box. I try to stay very on top of it. I hate houses where you walk in and can smell that pets live there, particularly cats. Who wants to live in a cat pee house? D is almost traumatized by cat pee smell from his previous life and I’m pretty sure that’s the #1 reason he’s so resistant to us getting another cat. That and cat claws. But cats have claws for a reason and it is cruel to remove them. I’m judging you, cat de-clawers.

In the bedroom, closet, and bathroom, despite my best intentions, my clothes have taken over. I have so many and not enough room. And then I continue to add more. I have started the purging process. I have a basket full of items to donate. I need to make another pass this weekend. Organization is key. I have a friend who sells thirty-one bags who told me she uses a certain container to store her leggings. My leggings currently occupy two of my dresser drawers and so I feel like this is a brilliant idea. I need to place an order.

Books…so many books. We have a large bookcase in the loft which is almost full of my books mostly. We have (two) matching shelving units in our bedroom. His holds pictures, souvenirs, and various knick knacks. Mine has similar stuff, but is now being taken over by books and journals acquired since moving in here. The BOTM club has gotten me back into hard copy books versus my (old and slow as shit) Kindle Paperwhite. I need to get some more shelving. My love of books only grows. It’s my favorite pastime (well after drinking and chatting with D).

We need to order the blinds for the living room. We need ceiling fans. We need more furniture. We need more wall decorations. We have ideas. Plans. I’ve bookmarked and pinned lots of stuff I like. We’re planning to have a fancy outdoor patio/party area built in the spring. I want to print canvases of pics from various trips, like Iceland, and hang them around the house.

Frey needs blinds in her bedroom. And curtains. She wants cat curtains. I need to order them. We need more pillows and blankets so we can follow through on our plan to turn her walk-in closet into an exclusive girls only clubhouse. Jackson’s room needs a massive toy purge. So many toys that he doesn’t even pick up anymore now that he’s discovered iPads and video games. He also wants a bunk bed and a desk. I feel these are reasonable requests. I want the kids to feel safe and comfortable here. A couple of weeks ago they told me they love it here. It warmed my heart.

The upstairs “guest room” is the biggest bedroom on the second level. While we do have a bed we set up in there when we have visitors, it’s main function is as a family room, and it is where the kids do most of their hanging out. It’s where the second television is set up, as well as where the video game consoles are located. We put my old leather sectional up there and put framed collages of family photos all over the main wall. It’s cozy and relaxing up there. It’s where we watch movies and play Rock Band. In fact, when we had our annual Halloween party this year, several friends hung out in there most of the night commenting that it was the only area of the house that felt actually lived in. I think the rest has started feeling cozier. It’s just an upscale cozy. That makes sense to me, though maybe it is a contradiction. IDK.

A good friend of mine is in the process of combining homes with her boyfriend, and it has been interesting to hear her describe the various scenarios that come with such an event: whose furniture do we use? what stuff goes where? what do we do with two coffee makers? i don’t like the way you do ___! It reminds me of moving into this place with D, which was only five months ago, though it feels like it has been longer. Not in a bad way. It feels like this is the way it should be and the way it has always been. It’s easy. It’s lovely. I love the way all of our stuff has fit together in what feels like a perfect representation of the four of us. It’s home.





mail haul

Many packages were delivered for me yesterday. 

  • Black (slip on) Converse
  • Big box of various items from Victoria’s Secret. Thanks, babe!
  • My February postal book club read. 
  • The Valentine’s present I designed for D. It turned out so well. 

And my absolute favorite…


round here

I missed a day of blogging yesterday, like didn’t even post a pic or meme or something. That’s unusual for me, but I was super busy (first day back to the office after the holiday break), and really not feeling all that great. In fact, I had an emergency appointment to see my doc (I love that I can text her and get in. Being friendly with your physician is the best). I was/am still dealing with jaw pain, as well as a terrible arthritis flare. She helped with both. She’s the best.

This post is going to be all over the place. And likely boring. But I’m feeling like writing so I’m going with it.

The first day back at the office was a bit crazy, like you’d expect. Plus, our newest employee started yesterday. It feels weird to have her here. I imagine it will for a while, though I think she’s going to fit in perfectly. We already know her fairly well. She used to work for a colleague of mine. We “stole” her from him. To be fair, she was looking, so it isn’t as bad as it sounds. Though, honestly, I feel like everything is fair in business dealings. If you don’t want your employees to leave, don’t treat them like shit. Ya know?

When I got into the office yesterday morning, I discovered that my main computer had stopped functioning with no warning. So that was fun. We needed two new ones anyway, so I hopped onto Amazon and ordered three. Those are on the way. I hate getting new computers. I have to reset fucking everything. I’m using an extra laptop we had laying around, and I keep calling my assistant asking, “So what’s the password to _____?”

My joints have been so inflamed (I blame the shitty, cold, rainy weather) that I haven’t been able to wear my engagement ring in a few days, which makes me super sad. Luckily, my doc adjusted my meds and I can tell it’s starting to work. Slowly. I’m hoping to be significantly less swollen by tomorrow morning. I need the Precious back on my finger where it belongs.

Despite my bum joints, I went to train last night with my personal trainer. She just opened a new gym in the city and last night was our first night working out there. I love it. I’m so proud of her. She has been working toward this for a long time, and I know from experience how amazing it feels to finally be running your own business. Ahh so happy for her. I kept gushing last night as we worked out. “OMG this place is so cute and amazing!” “OMG I’m so fucking happy for you!”

So yesterday at my doc’s office they made me weigh in, which I’ve been avoiding for months now. It was UGLY, like I saw a number on the scale I’d promised myself I’d never see again type of ugly. I was wearing boots and a heavy sweater, etc, but still. This morning I weighed in at home (naked) and was four pounds lighter. Still, it was a major wake up call and the motivation I needed to get my ass in gear. Well, I guess that’s not entirely fair, because I had already started better eating/drinking habits after NYE. But still…more motivation can’t hurt.

I’m trying not to base my self-worth on a number on the scale but that has always been hard for me. D has been so supportive. He keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. That helps. Knowing that he loves me regardless of my weight is reassuring obvi.

Oh and I know it’s TMI (not to mention totally cliche/cheesy), but I had my first experience having sex in front of the fireplace last night and it was incredible. The best part is that it was totally organic. Anyway, thinking about it makes me smile this morning. A+ will do again.

Nothing much else to report. Jackson is out of town with his dad until Friday, and D has band practice on Wednesdays, so tonight it’s just me and Frey at home. We are going to have a girls’ night, though we haven’t decided exactly what that means yet. Other than that, I foresee a bath and much reading in my (not too distant) future. Can’t wait. It was so difficult to get out of bed this morning.

I suppose I should get back to work. *sigh*


  • D wants me to blog, and so blog I shall.
  • I walked/ran 2.5 miles tonight. I had to dig deep. I did 1.5 the day before. Baby steps.
  • But…I joined Club Fitness tonight so I’m ready to get my pump on.
  • And tomorrow I have my weekly meeting with my trainer, so go me.
  • I’ve been consuming way less alcohol as well. *pats self on back*
  • Currently reading two books: The Vanishing Year & Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail.
  • Last night I finished Tiny Beautiful Things and absolutely loved it.
  • Reading is my jam.
  • So is Obama 2020. I adore Michelle Obama.
  • My ex texted me today and asked me to call and help him pick out health insurance, which I did because what was I going to say, but I’m giving him all the side eye right now. Like why can’t he do anything on his own?
  • Tonight I tucked Freya into bed and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. *heart melted*

my mental health day

I woke up this morning around 5:30 am and immediately checked my phone to confirm what I already knew deep down. I saw a CNN headline that said “President Trump” and I figured I was in for a really crappy day. D was awake too, and we decided that we wanted to skip work and spend the day together. So that’s what we did.

The rundown –

  • Laid around, fooled around, and finally crawled out of bed to go pick up breakfast, which we brought home and ate while watching CNN. We watched Hillary’s concession speech. I cried. Then we took a bubble bath together.
  • At one point this morning D was like, “Do you want to get married today?” and I was like, “No, we should follow the original plan, but can we get a kitten?” The answer was no. Marriage…yes. More cats…absolutely not. Hahahaha. I realize I have given no context for this conversation, but I promise it wasn’t as random as it seems.
  • We went to lunch where we did a bit of day drinking. I ate my feelings in the form of buffalo wings and cheese fries. Mmm.
  • We were on a mission this afternoon to find a mirror for our bedroom. We started at Ashley, but that was a bust. We happened upon a Kirkland’s and found exactly what we were looking for and for an absolute steal. Btw, that place looked like Christmas had thrown up in it, which was actually awesome. D told me I have to control myself until Thanksgiving, but that I can go apeshit after. *squee*
  • We made what ended up being one of three Target trips. I can’t even remember why we went to Target this first time, but I know I ended up leaving with a new Swiffer Sweeper and I was quite pleased. (This is who I’ve become…sigh).
  • Went home to hang the mirror and saw a dude pull up in a Charter Cable van and I totally flipped out. I ran out there to chat him up and he told me he was installing services for the neighbor and I was like OMFG WTF I can has internet now?!! So I immediately call Charter and the rep who answered was like, “Yeah no we don’t offer service in your area.” I ran outside with my phone and was like, “Um…I’m standing next to the tech who is installing services at the house that is literally next door so that is unacceptable.” After much bitching I got it resolved and…WE WILL HAVE INTERNET ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON OMFG YES YES YES YEEEEEEESSSSS.
  • Okay I think I have that out of my system for now.
  • D was like, “If Trump hadn’t won, we wouldn’t have stayed home today, and we still wouldn’t know that we could have internet.” But to be honest, if Hills had won I may very well have stayed home because I would have gotten drunk as a motherfucker celebrating last night.
  • Anyway…so then D hung the mirror which looks amaze and then he’s like what if we go shopping for more shit and I was like yes please and so we did. We ended up at another Kirkland’s (in Chesterfield) and bought sconces that look so good. Pics later. I’m so pleased with how our bedroom is coming together. It’s one of my fave rooms  in the house. Next weekend we are getting new bedding!!!!
  • We picked up the kids and came home. What I expected to be a really shitty day was actually a fantastic one and I’m so very grateful.
  • Now? Hang with the kiddos until their bedtime. Then Breaking Bad & reading.

Today’s topics –

  • I’ve had a few difficult professional conversations today, but they all ended up going quite well.
  • D gave me his cold.
  • I have a tension headache. The pain in radiating down my neck and into my shoulder.
  • Being in a book club is hard when you’ve read like all the books. Every single month for the last four have been repeats.
  • There was so much making out this past weekend that my mouth is sore and the skin around it is irritated.
  • I wish people would stop pretending like cauliflower is an acceptable substitute for rice and/or potatoes.
  • D’s ex sent him an email today that made me smile. It seems his parents are on her shit-list too, and rightfully so. Fucking assholes.
  • I’m addicted to washi tape, and stickers. I put them on everything.
  • This completely worthless post must come to an end so I can go meet with another client.

riding the struggle bus today

  • I’m pretty sure I didn’t get more than maybe 90 minutes of sleep last night. To say I’m on the struggle bus would be an understatement.
  • I just met with a new client and when I walked in he was like, “Are you the attorney?” I said, “Sure am!” He goes, “Damn…I’ve never seen an attorney that looked as good as you.” Hahahaha, yeah baby.
  • Training tonight…dreading it.
  • D is sick. My poor gingy. I’m not sure what that means for our date night plans. I had to force him to stay home from work.
  • Our Dungeons & Dragons starter kit arrived. Yes, you read that correctly. We are planning an epic family D&D campaign.
  • So I realized last night that I haven’t been getting emails at my personal gmail account since like Sunday. I did some digging and realized that I have maxed out my free storage space. So I had to pay to upgrade to 100 GB. I take too many pictures, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Memories, yo.
  • New construction woe: can’t get pizza delivered because your address isn’t in the system yet. *sigh*
  • I’m starting to get really excited about the Halloween party.
  • It has taken me three hours to get to this point in this post because I keep getting pulled away to work. BOO.