Please forgive any typos. This is a phone post. I left my MacBook at the office.

I’m currently sitting alone in the dark. The kids are making a movie about the dog. The husband is on the way home from Wash U. Tonight was the final exam…finally. I get him back on Monday and Wednesday nights until next January. Yay!

Okay so back to me sitting in the dark: It has been a day. So much stress. So much work. So much traffic. And then I had to wrestle the dog into the car, which hurt. I’m now in pain at all my incisions. I’m contemplating pain meds, but I kinda want to take Advil PM and it’s still a bit early for that. It’s only 8:21 pm.

I’m kind of at a loss with what to do about work stuff. I want to talk about it, but not publicly. So I’m waiting on the husband to get home. I will say, however, that I’m tempted to just burn the entire thing to the ground…figuratively of course.

I will admit that I’ve been censoring myself here on the blog. It’s a combination of caring less about blogging generally, and also not wanting to share so much because who are you people anyway?? I want to write it out though, but not handwriting it out, because arthritis. I could start a new blog, but I’m tired of starting new blogs. What I should do is delete the analytics and stop worrying obsessing about who may be reading. Because what does it matter anyway?

Having a paid account is a blessing and a curse.

My mom wants to get together. I haven’t seen her since the wedding, and barely even then. I’m contemplating it. But it feels like such a commitment. Just the thought is overwhelming me.

(See…this is where I start obsessing over whether my mom is reading this. Ugh. Please don’t read this.)

I’m also thinking of inviting some of D’s family down for a weekend. (Not his parents obviously since they think I’m a “floozy,” don’t recognize our marriage, and refuse to come to our house.) But…family gatherings aren’t really our jam. And an entire weekend is probably too much. Ugh idk.

If I’m being honest, I like the “just the four of us” mentality we have adopted. It works for us. It’s uncomplicated. We’re happy as is so why fuck it up?

I don’t like the idea that we’re obligated to spend time with people just because we share some DNA.

But both kids have been asking about the extended family. I want to give them those experiences with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, but I just don’t know that it’s in the cards.

Freya asked me the other day if it bothers me that D’s parents refuse to meet me. I told her it doesn’t, because they aren’t the kind of people I want to know. I also told her it’s okay if she does want to know them. But she’s conflicted because she can’t figure out wtf their problem is basically. She’s like why don’t they like you guys? It doesn’t make sense to her, because she is everything that is good, and they are repulsive hate filled assholes.

Wow this has gotten long.

I should do the stream of consciousness thing more often. You never know where you’ll end up!

In other news, I had what felt like a totally normal, non-awkward conversation with D’s ex tonight and it was nice. I wish it could always go that way.

Last night at the show, I was dancing, and a lady started a conversation with me. She asked, pointing to D up on the stage, “Are you two together?” I said yes, and she replied, “I could tell something was going on. You two keep giving heart eyes to each other. You two have major chemistry.” I told her that we’re newlyweds, and she got a big kick out of it.

Also, earlier in the evening, D was like, “I saw this really hot chick walk in and then I was like oh shit that’s my wife.” 🤗

Random babble

  • It’s back to raining. Boo. My sinuses are not pleased.
  • I had an eye exam this morning. I ordered new glasses, as well as a year’s supply of contacts.

  • I sent a pic of myself wearing them to D and he responded, “Classic Jenn.” Accurate.
  • When I saw this pair, I grabbed them immediately. The sales guy was like let me know when you have several pairs and we’ll narrow it down. I was like that’s not going to be necessary. 🤣 I know what works for me.
  • A lady I spoke with today told me she couldn’t believe I’m actually 38. (Almost 39!) She said she thought it was more like 28. That feels good considering I’ll be post-menopausal in like 11 days.
  • I’m starting to get nervous.
  • I’ve been browsing pinterest looking for an April blog challenge.
  • I’m feeling very unmotivated today. I feel tired and lazy. I need to get in a run later regardless.
  • Thrive works. I should be hungover today given how much Bell’s Two Hearted I drank last night.
  • I’m kind of surprised by all the self proclaimed atheists who are celebrating Easter. Old habits die hard, I guess. We don’t celebrate it, obviously. Though I will buy some candy, because…candy. I need a Cadbury cream egg.
  • No Peeps though. Marshmallow candy is repulsive.
  • I’m considering making a cake tomorrow. A carrot cake sounds appealing. I’m in a baking mood.
  • Tonight we’ll be playing D&D with the family. Evangeline Dragonsblood needs a new costume. I saw this on Etsy and I think it’s going to need to be mine:

for the record

  • I’m on Day 3 of this fucking headache and I can’t even…like wtf. NOTHING works. Nothing. Pills, caffeine, sleep, weed…nothing.
  • I need a fucking muscle relaxer and 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. For starters.
  • And maybe a Xanax. I am wound tightly this week. I’m trying to relax. Just breathe through it. Nothing is fucked. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Et cetera.
  • The weather this weekend is going to be gross both here and in KC. I have revised our travel plans. I have to go no matter what, because I have a hearing early Monday morning, but I don’t have to go for the entire weekend.
  • Still…I want a road trip. Guess we should plan another. Maybe we should go back to Memphis. I really like Memphis.
  • I’ve been feeling more body positive lately. I’ve decided to stop hating my mom bod. Hopefully this feeling will last a while.
  • Since my surgery isn’t until 3/21, I suppose I have no excuse for my current lack of exercise. I was waiting to start an exercise routine until after surgery, because it would just go to shit when I go on bed rest for two + weeks, but fuck it. No time like the present, right?
  • I should make use of this expensive treadmill I have in my office.
  • I feel like a shitty wife because I keep falling asleep super early on our kid-free nights. But…I got major wife points for how well our dinner went last night, so I guess I’ll just coast on that for a while.
  • I’ll have a chance to earn more wife points on Thursday evening. Another work event. This one is a bigger deal.
  • I guess I should work. I really don’t want to, just so you know. The only things that sound good to me right now are eating a giant burrito and then taking a long nap.

ramble on

With as much work as this puppy is, we may as well have just had a baby. I’m getting fatter every day anyway.

I’d say I’d start dieting (I desperately need to), but there is no real point with the holidays. We have so many parties, and why lie and say I’m going to not indulge or not drink. Fuck that noise.

I found the Daily Greatness Journal I bought way earlier in the year and never started using. It is marketed as a lifestyle journal, which really just seems to be a combination of a planner, bullet journal, and regular journal. My goal for 2018 is to go hard core with my journaling/planning/listing in an attempt to feel more organized and relaxed. The good news is that this is a blank slate (no pre-filled dates) so I can start using it right now if I want. New project!

The point is this: I’m ready to start working on my 2018 goals. Fitness. Organization. Minimalism. Indulging more in hobbies and activities vs being online. Trying some new things. Etc. I’ll do a formal post on this in December once it’s all fleshed out.

One of the (many) great things about getting a dog is that I’ve already cut way down on my time online. Training, caring for, and playing with him is such a big job that I just don’t have time for much else. I haven’t really scrolled Tumblr in days. I’ve only been on Facebook sporadically. I’m most active here (duh) and Instagram…because pup pics!

For example, last night I spent most of the early evening playing with B, then watching a movie with Jackson, and finally fell into bed at 9:30 and fell right asleep. (Though I did wake up every two to three hours to take B outside to potty).

I need to start leash training B, but ugh that’s hard. We did a bit of work on it yesterday and I didn’t make much progress. But he needs to learn so that we can start going on proper walks, and eventually runs. I’m very much looking forward to exercising with him.

This post is long and boring, I know. I’m mostly procrastinating because I don’t want to tackle this pile of work on my desk. I’m so fucking tired. Ugh.

Tonight is going to be a bit crazy. We have so much going on. I’m hoping, however, that I can work from home tomorrow. That will allow me to get so much more done. The ladies are a big help here with the dog, but it’s easier for me to care for him at home.

Oh and my neighbor, Mindy, is being super cool and helping me with stuff. Our neighbors are awesome.

Okay…better take advantage of puppy nap time.

xoxo

 

Oh hello

My plan for tomorrow is less day drinking. I’m too much of a lightweight to carry on under these conditions. Oh and also too fucking old. 

D bought me a super cute swim suit tonight. Can’t wait to wear it tomorrow. 

My legs are getting tan. For me. 

I’m excited about the time change. I hate waking up when it’s dark. That’s the worst. It’s unnatural. 

Having this time together has been amazing. 

Being married is awesome. 

We got it right this time. It just feels right. 

i’m just not feeling it, dog

I’m just not feeling it today.

The morning started off very promising. We stayed in bed much later than we should have. For reasons. So that was fun. And I felt good while getting ready, and on the drive in, but now I’m feeling very meh. My allergies are a fucking nightmare, and I kinda feel gross, like maybe slightly hungover or something. Ugh.

Hey, at least it’s Friday, right? I’m looking forward to cooking dinner with the husband and then resuming the GoT binge watch. We are about to start Season 5. Again.

Oh and I didn’t mention it the other day when we saw the episode, but the one where Prince Oberon and the Mountain fight…I just can’t. I’m never emotionally prepared for the way that ends.

This has been a post.

progress report

I’ve been taking Otezla for 17 days now, and it still making me sick, but it’s sporadic now.

I exercised this morning for the first time since starting it and that was really hard. I felt like I had no energy and even got a little light headed. But I endured. I’ll work my way back up to where I was.

#NoBoozeSeptember will be put to the test tonight. I usually drink quite a bit of wine on D&D nights, but not tonight. I’ll be hitting the Diet Pepsi hard, though. D is planning to get several cases when he goes to the store. It’s going to be a heavy DP month.

He enjoys that I call it DP because he’s a dirty perv. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I don’t really think I’ll miss beer all that much. I was a big craft beer person from about 2013 to 2016, but now I’m just sort of meh about it. The only beers I even really enjoy at this point are: Bell’s Two Hearted (my all time fav), 4Hands Divided Sky & 4Hands Resurrection. I’m sort of glad I’m “off” beer, because it has made me fat.

I’m more of a wine drinker now, and my tastes have gotten quite expensive, so a little break from that habit isn’t such a bad thing either. Haha.

Back to Otezla: so I’m 17 days in, and I haven’t had any flares during that time, which is very impressive. Normally, my right knee would have gotten swollen to the point of barely being able to walk (and causing me to cry) at least 2 times by now. I’m cautiously optimistic that this is going to work for me. Another good sign? I stopped treating my scalp psoriasis with topical steroids and yet it seems to be getting better.

FUCK YESSSSSSSSS

I have 20 pounds I’d like to lose, but realistically I will be content with losing 10. I’d like to do so before the wedding, but I’d be happy with 5 to 8, which I feel is quite doable, though not with my previous drinking habits: hence, #NoBoozeSeptember.

Some people would tell me just to drink less and not cut it out completely, but I know myself, and once I pop, I can’t stop…ya feel me?

Also, I want to prove to myself that I can do it. D did something similar right after I met him, which is sort of where I got the idea. I have a lot of willpower so I’m not terribly concerned. The biggest tests will be: a bad day at the office *and* our first Friday night steak dinner without wine.

I have a few hours before our guest start to arrive, so I guess I should go enjoy my relaxation time while I can.

xoxo

 

 

here goes…

Vacation is upon us.

Around 1:20 this afternoon, D and I walked out of my office and wandered down to Wildflower for lunch. I won’t be returning to the office until next Tuesday. I am pumped.

It probably seems like I do a lot of vacationing/staycationing, but you would too if you had to deal with my asshole clients on the daily. Taking a week off every couple of months is the only way to stay sane.

Sometimes, it’s good to be the boss.

After lunch, I did a bit of solo shopping, which ended up putting me in a bad mood because ugh everything looks horrid on me. The horrible dressing room lights didn’t help matters, of course. And the vicious three way mirrors. Bastards.

Then it stormed its ass off and I got soaked getting Jackson from after care, because heaven fucking forbid I pay attention to a weather forecast ever, or, you know, actually put one of my several umbrellas in the fucking car. This is a common occurrence.

I have an evening of laundry and packing ahead of me. Do not want.

But…we leave for Chicago tomorrow and I am pretty excited about that. Except I have nothing to wear. *sigh*

I’m in a bit of a funk. I hope I snap out of it soon.

I should do something productive, but instead I’m going to hang with D in the great room and listen to Crash on vinyl.

‘Great room’ sounds so pretentious, I know, but that is the actual proper name of the room, like on the blue prints and shit. We call the hearth room the living room, but I don’t know what else to call this bigger living room other than the great room.

It is a great fucking room to be sure, so it is aptly named.

I guess I could just call it the big living room. But…meh.

Ooh I have leftover Thai food to look forward to for dinner.

And the kiddos are here. Yay! I missed them. They are currently in their own little tween and pre-tween worlds. They just want to hang out with each other, playing Minecraft, and watching shitty Disney shows. Though I bet they beg us to play Rock Band and/or Mario Kart with them after dinner. I’m actually looking forward to that.

I just want to be at home for a while. No social obligations. We have way overextended ourselves with social commitments as of late, and it isn’t getting better anytime soon. I just want to be at home and chilling with the fam. Luckily, we will get a little bit of that on Sunday and Monday (except Freya won’t be here…boo).

This week is actually a prime example of the cluster fuck that is co-parenting. My ex was supposed to have Jackson this weekend but he apparently forgot and went ahead and booked a trip for himself, so I’m rushing home on Friday to make sure I get Jackson from school on time. It’s fine really, because I love having Jackson here, but I had to cancel and reschedule a bunch of plans that had been in the works for weeks. That was frustrating. Yay divorce life!

I’m never getting divorced again. Don’t worry: D knows this. He is stuck with me fooooooreeeeeeevvvvvvver.

Somehow I’m in a better mood now. Blogging it out, for the motherfucking win.

words about stuff

What a glorious morning! Saturdays are my favorite. Sex and sleeping in…ahhhh. Also, the weather is fucking beautiful so we have been able to have the windows open the last two nights, and it is fantastic.

Some shit that has been bothering me is getting better. The business partner and I have reached a sort of truce. We may not be besties anymore, but we recognize that we make a fuck ton of money together and need to suck it the fuck up and make shit work. Sometimes that means biting your tongue…hard. Haha. It’s seriously very much like a marriage.

I’m also starting to think that I may have survived the worst of Otezla. I’m nervous to put that out into the world, because I don’t want to jinx myself. I’m still feeling bad, but the severity of the side effects has diminished. I hope it continues this way. Maybe I’ll be able to get back to exercising tomorrow. I haven’t been able to do much since Monday.

Ahhh…Monday. What a lovely day that was, but I digress.

This afternoon we are meeting friends at a winery for a birthday celebration. The weather is perfect. I’m so excited to drive down there in the convertible.

Have I mentioned I love the weekend?

Oh and even better is that I have work shit to do on Monday, but then I’m off for the rest of the week. D and I are taking a little mini vacation.

In other news, we keep getting the most lovely messages from friends telling us how gorgeous our wedding invitations are, and it’s making me so very happy. D’s bestie’s wife said they’re the coolest wedding invitations she has ever seen. I feel like we picked something that perfectly reflects the wedding style. I’m so fucking pumped. I have definitely caught wedding fever. I’m going to enjoy every remaining moment of being a bride.

Oh and my future SIL told me this morning that her family is coming to the wedding. *squee* I’m finally going to get to meet D’s brother.

I guess I better go get ready to start the day.

xoxo