why so rage-y, bro?

On the drive to work this morning, I was listening to Lithium on Sirius XM and Madison was talking about playing some DMB in the next hour. Then she was like: yeah I know some people get really rage-y about DMB and I just don’t get it. It’s one thing not to like it, but to rage out over it is extreme. Put your rage into something that actually matters.

And  I was like OMG YES!!!! because I know someone who does this and it just baffles me.

It’s just music, yo. Chill.

the firm

I second guess myself way too much considering I’m almost always right (when it comes to work stuff that is). I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry?

Anyway, I just won a battle on behalf of two clients whose money had been garnished and I ended up getting the money back. All of it. Boom.

Winning always feels good, but it feels especially good when you win against an opponent whom you actually respect/admire. I must be doing something right. I guess. (<< see…i did it again).

We extended a job offer today for a legal assistant position. Should she accept, which I suspect she will, she will be our 5th employee. How the fuck is that even a thing? I still vividly remember when Scott and I were sitting across from each other, just the two of us, in a shared office space. We answered our own phones, scheduled our own appointments, made our own copies. Fuck, sometimes we even did house calls. The idea of having even one employee was a total mind fuck at that point.

Anyway, she (the newbie) will start mid-January. Just in time for busy season.

Though, honestly, every season is busy now, so I guess I should call it busier season.

Sometimes I think about how far we’ve come and I start to feel anxious. I try not to think about it too much. It feels precarious, like it could slip through my fingers at any time. Why do I deserve this? Yes, I worked hard, but so have others. Why me? Why now?  It’s hard to relax.

Things are great. Business is good. My employees are awesome. The law partner and I are getting along better than ever. But I’m so burnt out. I need a real vacation. I need to get away from this place for a bit.  I want to runaway and elope on a beach, and then spend a week drinking, sleeping, banging, reading, swimming, and zoning out. If it doesn’t happen soon, I may cut someone.

I feel the weight of this firm resting heavily upon my shoulders. There’s only so much one person can take. What is my breaking point? Hopefully, we don’t find out.

Nobody said it would be easy, am I right?

Not easy…but worth it. Always worth it.

friday fuckery

Woke up this morning feeling very blah. Headache, etc. We had too much fun last night, and now I must pay.

It’s going to be a long day. After work, I have to pick Jackson up, take him shopping for a gift, and then take him to a two hour ninja gym birthday party, where I will be forced to make awkward small talk with random parents. Fuuuuuuuuck.

I might need some hair of the dog…

Yesterday was cut and color day, and my stylist really stepped up her game without me even having to say anything. My hair looks amaze-balls. Blue-black hair for the motherfucking win. I look sort of gothy. I like.

But now I’m like, oh fuck does she read my blog? Did she see that post where I bitched about my hair? I texted one of my besties who also uses her and told her my suspicions. I blamed it on “that fucking tit pic.” I swear to fucking god, you post one pic of your inflamed, irradiated tit and all anonymity goes out the door. Haha.

So yesterday I met with this dick wad client of mine, and he was like, “Oh did you have your baby yet?” And I was thinking: are you fucking kidding me right now, fuck face?  What I said was, “Well the only baby I have is almost seven  years old now, so…”  Fuck face was like, “Oh I thought you were about to have a baby.”

I don’t have the best body image or anything, and I think I need to lose like 15 pounds (though I’m technically well within my healthy body weight), but I didn’t/don’t even look remotely pregnant. Especially not pregnant enough to be about to fucking pop a baby out. Also, why do people still feel like it’s acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant? How fucking stupid are you? Why are you even commenting on my body anyway, you stupid fuck? If I’m pregnant and feel like discussing it with you, I will bring it up. Please go die in a dumpster fire. Thanks.

In the next breath, he tells me that he and his wife have separated. SHOCKING, dude. Fucking shocking. I mean, you seem like such a catch and all.

I came out from the meeting and told the girls, who were like: yeah well there is something seriously wrong with that fucker so don’t even take it seriously.

Oh and on the way to work this morning I was almost involved in two accidents because people cannot be bothered to look before they start moving into the next lane over. So that’s how my day is going.

At least it’s Friday!!! What?!!

 

hush, hush

Email follower benefits – you get to read all the angst-y shit I post at night and then eventually delete.

I swear, I’m a fucking walking disaster. Every day there is something else wrong with me. This morning I woke up with a huge, swollen, painful bug bite. ON MY ASS.

For fuck’s sake. These goddamned bugs. Country motherfucking living, dude.

Yesterday my doc mentioned that I have gained a bit of weight since our last appointment (6 months ago) and now I basically want to die. Instead, I will eat my feelings. And cry.

No, seriously…I need to get it together. Happiness makes you fat, though. D and I have too much fun together.  We have a running date tonight. We go out so much. I’m actually looking forward to staying in tonight, and also to our upcoming weekend with the kids.

I need to get a grip on my mental state. Everything has changed, and it has changed so quickly that I’m struggling to adjust. I’m always exhausted, and that makes me even more emotional.

 

Oh well. Ya win some, ya lose some.

mega “on my mind” word vomit

  1. I can’t even begin to adequately express how grateful I am that tomorrow is Saturday. I am going to sleep in and it is going to be glorious. I am so very tired. It doesn’t help that we stayed up way too late last night. Like 2 am late. Worth it.
  2. We do this thing now where we come home after a date night and watch full length DMB concerts on YouTube. I dance around and sing. We drink and make out and laugh and have sex on the couch and it is everything I have always wanted.
  3. I’m happy.
  4. People (aka: clients) were absolutely fucking insane this week and made me question why I even bother doing this anymore. But…then you meet that one person who is so great and you feel so good about helping them that it all feels worth it again. I’m extremely grateful for that person this week.
  5. The only downside to living together that I have discovered so far is that I read less. I really enjoy reading, so this is a bit of a bummer. But…I’m always doing something else that is equally awesome, like hanging with D and/or the kids. So then it doesn’t really seem so bad. I plan to get some serious reading done this weekend though. I need to finish Burial Rites and I want to get started on the pile of books on my nightstand. A few titles: The Woman In Cabin 10, Behind Closed Doors, and Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children.
  6. I picked up Freya from school this afternoon and there was some confusion regarding whether I was on the list to do so. I’ve done it before, and the one girl clearly recognized me, but she was like, “Well I’ll just call Freya’s mom really quick to confirm,” and I was like, “Um…please call her dad instead?” She looked at me all confused for a second and then it clearly dawned on her what the situation is and she was like, “Oh yeah for sure I will call the dad.” I almost laughed at the look of recognition on her face, and the relief at the fact that she didn’t step onto that land mine. Haha. Additionally, I was pleased with how excited Freya was that we were there to get her, and I got to meet one of her friends.
  7. SO…Jackson is into girls. I was not on any level expecting this to be a thing already. I thought I’d be good until like at least 10 or 11. But nope. He’s 6 (though almost 7, to be fair) and he is getting all weird and embarrassed about girls. We teased him tonight during dinner about this girl at Freya’s school who was super interested in him. Freya was like, “Oh i think she likes you, Jackson.” Jackson got really upset and ran off. I was like…What?! So D followed him and they had a conversation where apparently it became clear that he does like girls and he doesn’t want to be teased about it.  Fair enough. I just…can’t believe my little boy is growing up so fast. Like…wtf for real?
  8. I’m hoping it doesn’t rain all weekend because the kids want me to take them to the fancy Chesterfield pool and that sounds fun as shit so I want to be able to go.
  9. Have I mentioned that I’m happy?
  10. 11 days. ELEVEN FUCKING DAYS. 11.
  11. These go to 11. Okay I’m done. xoxo