why so rage-y, bro?

On the drive to work this morning, I was listening to Lithium on Sirius XM and Madison was talking about playing some DMB in the next hour. Then she was like: yeah I know some people get really rage-y about DMB and I just don’t get it. It’s one thing not to like it, but to rage out over it is extreme. Put your rage into something that actually matters.

And  I was like OMG YES!!!! because I know someone who does this and it just baffles me.

It’s just music, yo. Chill.

the firm

I second guess myself way too much considering I’m almost always right (when it comes to work stuff that is). I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry?

Anyway, I just won a battle on behalf of two clients whose money had been garnished and I ended up getting the money back. All of it. Boom.

Winning always feels good, but it feels especially good when you win against an opponent whom you actually respect/admire. I must be doing something right. I guess. (<< see…i did it again).

We extended a job offer today for a legal assistant position. Should she accept, which I suspect she will, she will be our 5th employee. How the fuck is that even a thing? I still vividly remember when Scott and I were sitting across from each other, just the two of us, in a shared office space. We answered our own phones, scheduled our own appointments, made our own copies. Fuck, sometimes we even did house calls. The idea of having even one employee was a total mind fuck at that point.

Anyway, she (the newbie) will start mid-January. Just in time for busy season.

Though, honestly, every season is busy now, so I guess I should call it busier season.

Sometimes I think about how far we’ve come and I start to feel anxious. I try not to think about it too much. It feels precarious, like it could slip through my fingers at any time. Why do I deserve this? Yes, I worked hard, but so have others. Why me? Why now?  It’s hard to relax.

Things are great. Business is good. My employees are awesome. The law partner and I are getting along better than ever. But I’m so burnt out. I need a real vacation. I need to get away from this place for a bit.  I want to runaway and elope on a beach, and then spend a week drinking, sleeping, banging, reading, swimming, and zoning out. If it doesn’t happen soon, I may cut someone.

I feel the weight of this firm resting heavily upon my shoulders. There’s only so much one person can take. What is my breaking point? Hopefully, we don’t find out.

Nobody said it would be easy, am I right?

Not easy…but worth it. Always worth it.

friday fuckery

Woke up this morning feeling very blah. Headache, etc. We had too much fun last night, and now I must pay.

It’s going to be a long day. After work, I have to pick Jackson up, take him shopping for a gift, and then take him to a two hour ninja gym birthday party, where I will be forced to make awkward small talk with random parents. Fuuuuuuuuck.

I might need some hair of the dog…

Yesterday was cut and color day, and my stylist really stepped up her game without me even having to say anything. My hair looks amaze-balls. Blue-black hair for the motherfucking win. I look sort of gothy. I like.

But now I’m like, oh fuck does she read my blog? Did she see that post where I bitched about my hair? I texted one of my besties who also uses her and told her my suspicions. I blamed it on “that fucking tit pic.” I swear to fucking god, you post one pic of your inflamed, irradiated tit and all anonymity goes out the door. Haha.

So yesterday I met with this dick wad client of mine, and he was like, “Oh did you have your baby yet?” And I was thinking: are you fucking kidding me right now, fuck face?  What I said was, “Well the only baby I have is almost seven  years old now, so…”  Fuck face was like, “Oh I thought you were about to have a baby.”

I don’t have the best body image or anything, and I think I need to lose like 15 pounds (though I’m technically well within my healthy body weight), but I didn’t/don’t even look remotely pregnant. Especially not pregnant enough to be about to fucking pop a baby out. Also, why do people still feel like it’s acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant? How fucking stupid are you? Why are you even commenting on my body anyway, you stupid fuck? If I’m pregnant and feel like discussing it with you, I will bring it up. Please go die in a dumpster fire. Thanks.

In the next breath, he tells me that he and his wife have separated. SHOCKING, dude. Fucking shocking. I mean, you seem like such a catch and all.

I came out from the meeting and told the girls, who were like: yeah well there is something seriously wrong with that fucker so don’t even take it seriously.

Oh and on the way to work this morning I was almost involved in two accidents because people cannot be bothered to look before they start moving into the next lane over. So that’s how my day is going.

At least it’s Friday!!! What?!!

 

hush, hush

Email follower benefits – you get to read all the angst-y shit I post at night and then eventually delete.

I swear, I’m a fucking walking disaster. Every day there is something else wrong with me. This morning I woke up with a huge, swollen, painful bug bite. ON MY ASS.

For fuck’s sake. These goddamned bugs. Country motherfucking living, dude.

Yesterday my doc mentioned that I have gained a bit of weight since our last appointment (6 months ago) and now I basically want to die. Instead, I will eat my feelings. And cry.

No, seriously…I need to get it together. Happiness makes you fat, though. D and I have too much fun together.  We have a running date tonight. We go out so much. I’m actually looking forward to staying in tonight, and also to our upcoming weekend with the kids.

I need to get a grip on my mental state. Everything has changed, and it has changed so quickly that I’m struggling to adjust. I’m always exhausted, and that makes me even more emotional.

 

Oh well. Ya win some, ya lose some.

mega “on my mind” word vomit

  1. I can’t even begin to adequately express how grateful I am that tomorrow is Saturday. I am going to sleep in and it is going to be glorious. I am so very tired. It doesn’t help that we stayed up way too late last night. Like 2 am late. Worth it.
  2. We do this thing now where we come home after a date night and watch full length DMB concerts on YouTube. I dance around and sing. We drink and make out and laugh and have sex on the couch and it is everything I have always wanted.
  3. I’m happy.
  4. People (aka: clients) were absolutely fucking insane this week and made me question why I even bother doing this anymore. But…then you meet that one person who is so great and you feel so good about helping them that it all feels worth it again. I’m extremely grateful for that person this week.
  5. The only downside to living together that I have discovered so far is that I read less. I really enjoy reading, so this is a bit of a bummer. But…I’m always doing something else that is equally awesome, like hanging with D and/or the kids. So then it doesn’t really seem so bad. I plan to get some serious reading done this weekend though. I need to finish Burial Rites and I want to get started on the pile of books on my nightstand. A few titles: The Woman In Cabin 10, Behind Closed Doors, and Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children.
  6. I picked up Freya from school this afternoon and there was some confusion regarding whether I was on the list to do so. I’ve done it before, and the one girl clearly recognized me, but she was like, “Well I’ll just call Freya’s mom really quick to confirm,” and I was like, “Um…please call her dad instead?” She looked at me all confused for a second and then it clearly dawned on her what the situation is and she was like, “Oh yeah for sure I will call the dad.” I almost laughed at the look of recognition on her face, and the relief at the fact that she didn’t step onto that land mine. Haha. Additionally, I was pleased with how excited Freya was that we were there to get her, and I got to meet one of her friends.
  7. SO…Jackson is into girls. I was not on any level expecting this to be a thing already. I thought I’d be good until like at least 10 or 11. But nope. He’s 6 (though almost 7, to be fair) and he is getting all weird and embarrassed about girls. We teased him tonight during dinner about this girl at Freya’s school who was super interested in him. Freya was like, “Oh i think she likes you, Jackson.” Jackson got really upset and ran off. I was like…What?! So D followed him and they had a conversation where apparently it became clear that he does like girls and he doesn’t want to be teased about it.  Fair enough. I just…can’t believe my little boy is growing up so fast. Like…wtf for real?
  8. I’m hoping it doesn’t rain all weekend because the kids want me to take them to the fancy Chesterfield pool and that sounds fun as shit so I want to be able to go.
  9. Have I mentioned that I’m happy?
  10. 11 days. ELEVEN FUCKING DAYS. 11.
  11. These go to 11. Okay I’m done. xoxo

i know that you’re half crazy but I wish you would go all the way

Is today actually Thursday? I think today is Thursday. My sense of time is all messed up this week from being out of town and then we had Freya on Tuesday night when normally we wouldn’t (which was awesome btw. We had a really great conversation with her when she got home).

Just checked. Yep, it’s Thursday. That means it’s date night! Woo woo woo!!!

We’re going balls to the wall tonight for real. We need a night to just chill and let go.

Things are a bit stressful currently. D is stressed about work stuff and overwhelmed by the details of the move. We have a bunch of packing we need to start this weekend. We will be moving into the new house in less than two weeks. (OMFG). I’m also stressed about work stuff, and I’m stressed that he’s stressed. I’m stressed that Jackson is stressed (he really wants to get into the new house so he can have his own room again). It’s too much. But this too shall pass.

We have figured out our closing costs and also our furniture budget. Let’s do this!

Work: What a fucking nightmare people have been this week!! Yesterday, I got into it with a client and then stomped out. I can’t even with the stupidity anymore. I’m off the last week of August and I cannot wait.

Exercising is going pretty well. Training. Shredding. The runs aren’t as frequent as I’d like. I miss my treadmill. I’ll have it back in like twelve days though.

I have a goal to lose three pounds by the end of the month.

I have been thinking about the situation with D’s parents, and I just want to state that I think they suck. I don’t actually care if they don’t like me personally, but they should absolutely want to meet the person their son has been in a relationship with for four years; a person he is moving in with. A person he will eventually marry.  A person who is a role model to their grandchild. They don’t make sense to me. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would do something like this with Jackson. I may not always support every choice Jackson makes in his life, but I will always love him, and I will always be interested in his life. D has made it clear that he wants them to take an interest and they just refuse. They are hurting the person I love, and that pisses me the fuck off.

Whatever. They can suck it.

It’s 11:20 am on a Thursday and tonight I’m going out with my man and nothing is going to bring me down. Not shitty people. Not stupid clients. Not incompetence. NOTHING.

8.18.16

Hi! I hope you have a lovely day. xoxo

 

post-a-day

I try to post every day, even if it is just a pic or a random observation.

Abandoned and/or rarely updated blogs make me sad. I always wonder what happened to the author. Is life so good that they can’t find time to write? That’s what I always hope for. Or did something bad happen? For a while, I had a lot of cancer patient/survivor friends, and I would lose it whenever they would fail to update for a while. For obvious reasons.

Anyway, I’ve been hard on myself lately because I’ve been feeling kind of boring. Happiness can seem boring sometimes. Like the mundane details of my little domestic bliss are exciting to me, but probably not so much to my readers. But…then I remembered that the purpose of this blog is to have a digital scrapbook of my life, and so I should just go ahead and record the mundane along with the exciting. It’s all about the journey, and those details matter. Well…they matter to me anyway.

xoxo

the times they are a-changin’

The weekend was a whirlwind of activity and I didn’t really get a chance to post. I want to write a catch up post, but there was so much and my thoughts are a bit chaotic right now so this might be a mess.

  • I finished Couch to 5k Week 3!
  • Birthday dinner friday night with the family, followed by cupcakes and Super Smash Bros.
  • D got me a lovely necklace.
  • Freya is in a running club and she needs an adult to run a 5k race with her at the end of the season. She asked me to run with her!!
  • We moved a bunch of our stuff in and essentially started living together this weekend. I think it went really well all things considered. I won’t lie though…it helped that the kids were both gone on Saturday night. It gave us all some breathing room.
  • We went to see our house on Saturday afternoon. OMG so much progress has been made. The flooring is down. The bathroom shower is tiled. They’ve started installing the cabinetry in the kitchen. The mantles are up on the two fireplaces. It’s really looking good and I’m so excited to see more.
  • Saturday night we hit up a couple of our favorite places to drink. Eventually we ended up at our favorite wine bar, which was super busy, but we got VIP treatment from the manager. It was pretty bad ass really. He waited on us himself and made sure we had a place to sit asap. I was super impressed by the customer service. Though, to be fair, we spend a lot of money there, and I’m a member of their wine club.
  • And…then I got so drunk I left my credit card there. Oops. This is becoming a thing with me.
  • After dinner, we went to see the new Star Trek movie. Hated it.
  • Sunday stuff: I went to an outdoor concert with some girlfriends yesterday. Tribe Society, Collective Soul, and Goo Goo Dolls. Holy fuck it was hot as hell. We were all soaked after like an hour outside. It was fun though and I’m glad I went.
  • There was an epic storm last night. The thunder and lightning was intense. Freya woke us up because she was scared so none of us (except Jackson) got very much sleep last night.
  • I woke up feeling pretty homesick this morning. I missed my cat and my favorite blanket. My pillows. My fans. My bed. This is a big adjustment. That’s not to say that I’m not happy, just that it’s a lot of change all at once. I wish we were able to move straight into the house, but oh well. This will be way worth it. I’m going to bring the essentials over with me this week.
  • I went and paid for the storage unit today. My lock is on it. The movers are confirmed for Thursday morning. This is actually happening!!!!
  • My bestie is coming over tonight to help me pack and so we can have a last girls night in this place before I move out for good.

let them eat cake

It’s my birthday week and so there will be cake. Oh yes. Maybe even tonight. (D and I are going out for the adult version of my bday celebration).

I weighed myself on the “bad” scale this morning. I hate it and I’m throwing it away before I move. Fuck that thing. It is at least four pounds off.

I like it when my boyfriend acts needy and/or jealous. It’s good to feel wanted by him and to know he’s as scared to lose me as I am to lose him. There was an incident this weekend that was pretty adorable. He thought I was going to be mad at him, but it just made me love him more.

I only answer about 50% of the calls from my ex. Never once has it actually been something important. For example, he just called me twice in a row. The first time I ignored it. The second time I answered. What did he want? For me to look something up for him on the fucking internet. It was something about our kid, but still.

Why is it so hard for people to catch a fucking hint? Like I’m trying to spare your feelings by letting you down easy and you just won’t get the clue. Grrr.

Today a colleague of mine saw me outside of the courthouse. He was running. He paused to say hi and made a point of popping off his shirt. It was super fucking awkward and also hilarious.

You don’t get to check out for like five years and then suddenly check back in. That shit is not happening.

My “single” life is quickly coming to an end. I’ve lived on my own for four years now. I’m both nervous and excited about my life moving forward. Mostly excited. Very excited actually.

I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time. (A lyric that is very close to my heart). I’m a fan of change. Change is good.

I’m reading up on how to be a good step-parent and on blended families.

The thing about chronic pain is that if I’m complaining about being in pain, then you should know that it is really fucking bad at that moment. I have a very high pain tolerance.

I have so much shit on my desk…just a fuck ton of work to do. Am I going to stay late and do any of it? Nope. I’m going to the gym and then I’m meeting up with D to do our typical Tuesday night stuff.

I love my life. I almost feel guilty because I’m so happy. Are other people this happy too? I hope so.

 

the waiting drove me mad

I’m still in a bit of a funk. I’m better than yesterday though. And I at least have an idea of what the issues are:

  1. My house doesn’t feel like home anymore.
  2. Everything feels unsettled and it will for a while.
  3. At the office: same shit, different day.
  4. I’m tired. Always tired. Emotionally. Physically.
  5. My self-esteem is almost non-existent.

I just want to be left alone.

In other news:

  • Couch to 5k is going well.
  • I’m re-starting personal training sessions this week.
  • Fun plans tonight and Thursday night.
  • I’m very seriously considering getting “galaxy hair” next week!!

My birthday is in 10 days. I’m super grateful to still be here to experience another year. However, it’s a bit of a mind fuck that I’m going to be 37 years old. Where did the time go? Who is this old lady looking back at me when I look at the mirror.
*sigh*