here’s my tuesday truth(s)

It’s Tuesday, right?

I really need to get my shit together, but I am majorly on the struggle bus. Even insignificant things are feeling overwhelming right now. Like my bank card expired, and now I need to update all of my auto withdrawals, but fuuuuuuuuuuck I don’t want to mess with that. What a fucking hassle.

I have managed to get some work done this morning, which feels good, but all the cases are fucked up – like way more complicated than they should be – and I just want to shut down and go back to bed.

Did I mention my stomach hurts? Because my stomach hurts.

And I’m tired – because DUH.

Oh and so very cold, like fuck winter in it’s fucking ass w/o lube, fucking freezing my non-existent balls off, cold. I’m over winter. Fuck right off, winter. Somebody go kill that fucking ground rat. Bring me the sun. I don’t even care anymore.

Aren’t I a fucking delight?

Also – I’m going to have to block some people, because I cannot deal with the endless fucking commentary.


My latest annoyance:
I have a highly anticipated date on Thursday night. A date I have waited a long time for, and am very excited about. Well – I was just informed that I now have a trial scheduled that night on some old as fuck DWS case that my client never made good on. I’m talking about a case from fucking 2017. So now I have to appear at 6 pm on Thursday to sort that bullshit out, which interferes with the date, and now I don’t know what is going to happen, and I am very, very frustrated.

Oh and I failed to mention here that this entire week has been complicated by the fact that my ex-husband decided to wait until two days before leaving town to mention that he was going to need me to have our child for the entire week. I don’t mind having Jackson here for a week. What I do mind is having to scramble to rearrange plans/meetings/make new arrangements at the last fucking minute in order to accommodate him on something he knew about for weeks. He was like, “Oh I think I forgot to mention…” YEAH YOU FUCKING DID, ASSHOLE. He is seriously the most selfish person I have ever met. Fucking. Ever. That is not an exaggeration. Fucking ask anyone who knows him well and they will agree.

So let’s recap:
I don’t feel good.
I am grumpy.
Being a lawyer sucks.
It is stupid fucking cold.
My ex is a fucking dickwad.

Yep – I def have seasonal affective disorder. IT’S SO MUCH FUN.

I think I need to call my psych and ask to up my Lexapro. Oh and get more Xanax. In fact, I’m going to go take a Xanax right fucking now.


PS: I’ve been being “good” on the blog recently and not being quite my normal dramatic self. Well that’s over now. Welcome to hell.

it just doesn’t make any sense

Why do you call an attorney’s office to get a quote on traffic tickets, and then when asked, “what jurisdiction/what charges/when’s the court date?” you are like, “oh I don’t know…I don’t have the tickets with me.”

It happens all the fucking time. It’s insanity. How can I quote you when I don’t know what the fuck I’m signing up to do?

Please try using your brain. It doesn’t hurt, I promise.

Mama ain’t playing anymore

Yet another night spent yelling at my kids for not doing their fucking homework.

They aren’t going to like where this is headed. Jackson’s iPad has already been confiscated, and don’t think I won’t take Freya’s iPhone and replace it with a fucking flip phone.

These spoiled kids have no fucking idea the shit storm that will rain down upon them if they don’t get their motherfucking shit together.

I guess this is life with a teen and a tween? Oh yay.

Oh…how nice

No need to include us in on the plans to visit with Freya on family visitation day. I mean…why include us when you can go be the hero on your own? We’re only the other parents. No biggie.

Cool, cool, cool.

Co-parenting sucks.

You know what though? Given everything that has happened this year, I’m going to wedge myself so far up his ex-wife’s ass when it comes to shit like this that her head is going to fucking explode. (Don’t think I’ve forgotten that Freya was signed up for a two week camp without our permission).

The gloves are off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The Effingham, IL stop

or as my husband calls it, Fuckingham, aka home of a ridiculously large, ugly cross, which is a hideous eyesore, and also this…

I fucking cannot.

And, of course, there is no book called “When Jesus Speaks to a Man’s Heart,” because obviously men are inherently better than women, and clearly don’t need advice from Jesus.

Eat my entire ass, Effingham. 🖕🏻

I’m passionate about this.

New York is (hopefully) about to pass a law making it illegal to declaw cats. The legislature passed it, and the governor is reviewing it now.

I’m all about this, and I very much hope it passes there, and eventually elsewhere. It’s absolutely a cruel, unnecessary, and selfish procedure. If you claim to love cats, but turn around and declaw them, I’m majorly side eyeing you.

Violet has her claws, and she has definitely destroyed a lot of my shit, mostly as a kitten/adolescent cat. However, I have worked hard to train her to claw on appropriate surfaces. Is it 100% on point? Of course not. But training and aversion therapy is effective. If you can’t deal with some clawing/scratching, then owning a cat is not for you.

My husband doesn’t like clawed cats. I get it. I really do. I adore cats, but I’d rather never own another than declaw one to force it to conform to my own unrealistic expectations. I love them too much to inflict something so awful upon them. So I may not ever have another cat after Violet, because I refuse to amputate a pet. Period.

Ugh. I get so emotional about this.

are you fucking serious with this shit?

This 45-year-old male friend/colleague of mine told me this morning at court that I do not comment enough on his Facebook posts, and I just can’t even with that shit. That’s some shit I would expect to hear from a teenager. He pulled this same shit with another friend, whom he eventually started calling his frenemy. I mean…seriously??

This is the sort of sad culture we live in now — where grown ass men get all butt hurt if you don’t “like” them on social media.

First of all, I don’t really do Facebook all that much. It’s at the bottom of the social media hierarchy as far as I’m concerned.
Second of all, I don’t have time for this petty ass bullshit.
And finally…JUST STOP WITH THIS NONSENSE. For fuck’s sake.

Of course, this is the dude I had to stop inviting to events because he has insulted my husband and most of my friends on various occassions, so I don’t know why I expected anything more from him.

on my soapbox

Ladies, if a man wants to be with you then he will be. No matter what he has going on, he will make you a priority. Believe his actions over his words, because that’s where the truth lies. You may love him, but you have to love yourself more.

**This message brought to you by the overwhelming amount of dudes doing shitty things to their girlfriends, which I keep hearing about. There’s just something about January that gets people acting all crazy — maybe it’s that whole re-evaluating your life feeling it inspires. Whatever it is, I’m hurting for some friends who have difficult decisions to make.

clusterfuckery on hwy 40

I find out my exit (to the courthouse) is closed right as I’m pulling up. There are no advance signs to warn me. Why would there be a sign??? It’s a left exit, of course, so I have to cross 4 lanes of traffic within 20 seconds to get to the next exit, which is the last Missouri exit. Fun times. Fun fucking times. Fuck you very much, Missouri Dept. of Transportation.