the poly chronicles

Things have been so hectic recently, so I’m most grateful for this long weekend.

Last night, D and I had a date night. We got all dressed up. We had oysters. I drank all the prosecco. It was lovely. It was good to reconnect with him in a formal way. We’ve been seeing a lot of other people lately, and needed time for just us.

Who are the other people? M&J. We are seeing C&J tonight. That is our covid bubble.

Things have gotten slightly more intense with M&J. J wants more girl nights. M has asked if we can see each other regularly. I think he wants to see me every week, but that’s too much. I could do every two weeks. Maybe. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy spending time with him, because I really do, and I do want to be “official.” I just will not do it at the expense of time with D and the kids – so I have to strike the right balance. He wanted to go out next Thursday, and I suggested the Thursday after instead. Next Thursday, I plan to have another date night with my husband, as it will be our only kid-free night next week.

Also – I’ve been asked out for drinks by another guy that I’m into. We know him (and his wife) through M&J and have hung with them all recently. So technically they are also in our little bubble by default. His name also starts with an M, and his last name starts with a D, so I have no idea what to call him here. I guess I’ll just call him by his name: Michael.

I guess I should add for clarification that D and I have discussed trying separate dates / not as part of a couple. I guess people call those hall passes? Idk the right terminology. We have to approve the other person – meaning we have to be comfortable with the scenario. We have to talk out all the rules still, but he has a couple of ladies he wants to chat up. It’s cute, because he asked if I would help him. Aww. Which I totally will!

This was the natural next step for us given that he’s not necessarily as into the wives of the guys I’m into. Neither of us want anyone to take one for the team, but we also aren’t ready to stop this little adventure either. It has definitely spiced things up around here. (No red waste!)

But at this point, I am definitely at capacity. I do not have the time, energy, or desire to invest in anyone else right now. I am excited to see where these current scenarios lead.

Out and about with M

My date with M was great. We went to this hole in the wall Mexican place that was absolutely delish.

We then headed back to my place for (more) drinks.

We had sex (duh), which was good, but my favorite part was the conversation. I love lively discourse. We talked a lot about music. We talked about childhood traumas. We laughed because my cat went under the bed and started clawing at us from the space between the headboard and the mattress. (She was like: Get oooooouuuuuttttt! That’s my mom! You are not the father!!) (PS: if you get that reference, I fucking love you).

M is such a gentleman. He opens doors for me, which is really sweet. He holds my hand while we’re walking. I’m an old fashioned gal when it comes to romance. I like to be treated like a queen.

Oh and I must have looked really hot, because when he saw me he was like “Whoa look at you!” And when we got to the restaurant, I got all sorts of looks/stares. So I was either looking hot or like a hot mess. My dress was very short.

The really great thing is that these nights inevitably lead to the hottest, most passionate fucks with my husband the next morning. GOD DAMN. Did I have a great time with M? Yes. Does it even begin to compare with the fun I have with D? Nope. BUT it does add a little spice. We talked non-stop from about six pm to one am tonight about all the things. (At one point, we held each other and sobbed because…well you know why).

I’ve decided I’m not going to hide my lifestyle choices any longer. I’m not necessarily going to broadcast that we’re poly, but I’m not going to hide it either. I’ve been (mostly) hiding it for ten years (being in the LS). I’m over it.

I am who I am. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In fact, I outted us to Freya tonight. I really don’t think she was surprised tho. She likes to hang around and listen to our chit chat/banter, so she’s picked up on a lot of shit.

It’s 2:33 am. I should really go the fuck to sleep.

PS AGAIN: I’m not proofreading this. Forgive me.

the date recap

I had a really nice time last night.

I talked about D a lot, but he talked about J a lot, so it was fine.

It felt a bit awkward at first, but wine helped. We had a dinner reservation, but ended up skipping it. We had fun just hanging out at his place. We are both introverts, so that suited us just fine. (D and J are the ones who really love going out – so that kind of works out).

I got to visit with J for a bit before I left, which was also nice. They have turned into really good friends. In fact, sounds like we may be spending Thanksgiving with them.

When I got home, D and I talked about my night. Communication is key. I am not willing to do anything that will fuck us up, and neither is he.

the feeling is mutual

I was sitting at home drinking when D got home from his date. I cancelled mine to be with my bestie, obvi, but I told him to go ahead with his date, because why should he sit at home alone. Anyway – it was good to see his face, to hear the details of his night, and, to be honest, to hear about how he talked about me way too much, because he’s a dude who is just madly in love with his wife. And goddamn does his wife love him back.

He told me he kissed her goodnight, which is no biggie, especially considering the original plans, but I actually liked that it made me just a tiny bit jealous. Just jealous enough that I grabbed him and kissed him quite passionately, to remind him of what he has here waiting for him at home. We then stripped and made out in the kitchen before running to our bedroom where we had the most intensely hot sex. We both agreed that the blow job I gave tonight was a fucking masterpiece.

Afterwards, while we were drinking, i gave him some shit for his joking response to something I posted on Facebook. Yesterday, I shared a post that said “describe me with one word” to which he replied “astronaut.” (I laughed, for the record – that’s just so us). I then asked him for his real one word answer, and he replied, “Everything.”

♥️♥️♥️

change is good

Things are transitioning around the house.

D keeps getting promoted, and is working more and more. His job is very demanding. As a result, I’m picking up more of the domestic slack, and, surprisingly, I don’t hate it. I need to pick up more responsibilities even. His workload will only increase, and he’s the breadwinner by far, so it makes sense for me to move into this more domestic role. Honestly, I’m a bit old fashioned, so like I said, I kind of like it.

Also, the custody schedule has changed. Frey has been stressed juggling her new obligations since starting high school, so she asked for a more streamlined schedule. Instead of every other day during the week, we now have her Mondays, Tuesdays, and every other weekend. We still have Jackson on Mondays and Wednesdays though, so we actually have kids more of the time than previously. Also not hating that set up.

Idk – kind of feels like we’re finally growing up. Lol. For a lot of our relationship, we’ve just been fucking around and doing whatever we want. This emotional maturity feels nice. But don’t be fooled: we’re still drinking, getting high, and fucking our besties in our free time.

It’s all about balance.

Last night, J referred to D and I as polyamorous after hearing my description of how we conduct our non-monogamous relationship. Basically, we are only interested in other couples with whom we have a certain connection, and it is a very short list. We aren’t interested in going out and fucking just anyone. We don’t do hall passes. We don’t really consider ourselves to be swingers. For the record, there is nothing wrong with that lifestyle, it’s just not what we’re doing currently.

Anyway – it has given me something to think about. D and I discussed it during our lunch debrief this afternoon (which is our post couple date tradition now). We don’t really want to label ourselves, but it’s interesting to discuss/think about/study. I find sexuality within long term relationships to be extremely interesting. I love that we have a relationship where we can try new things and grow as a couple. (Gotta avoid the red waste ♥️)

And meanwhile i’m loving you so much

My current favorite off the new album, with which I am completely obsessed btw, in a way that only women who came to age in a very specific time in the late 90s can be (oh hello, class of 97).

 

I gave you pictures and cards on non-holidays
And it wasn’t because I was bored
I followed you from room to room
With no attention
And it wasn’t because I was bored
It was because I was loving you so much
It’s the only reason I gave my time to you
And that’s it, there’s a kick and you’ve given up
‘Cause you know you won’t like it
When there’s nothing to do
Check out that rack of his
Look at that row of guitar necks
Lined up like eager fillies
Outstretched like legs of Rockettes
They don’t know what they are in for
And they don’t care, but I do
I thought you would wail on me
Like you wail on them
But it was just a coochie-coo-coo
And meanwhile I’m loving you so much
It’s the only reason
I gave my time to you
And that’s it, there’s a kick and you’ve given up
‘Cause you know you won’t like it
When there’s nothing to do
Meanwhile I’m loving you so much
It’s the only reason
That I gave my time to you
And that’s it, there’s a kick and you’ve given up
‘Cause you know you don’t like it
When there’s nothing to do
And I’ve been used so many times
I’ve learned to use myself in kind
I tried to drum
I tried to write
I can’t do Orville, oh well that’s fine
I guess ’cause I know how to spend my time
(I know how to spend my time)
(I know how to spend my time)
(I know how to spend my time)
(I know how to spend my time)
(And meanwhile I’m loving you so much)
(Meanwhile I’m loving you so much)
(Meanwhile I’m loving you so much)
(Meanwhile I’m loving you so much)
(Meanwhile I’m loving you so much)
**I remember feeling this type of pining, semi-obsessive love for my (now) husband way back in the day before we had really hit our stride, and I think that is why I love this song so much. We had a rocky road in the beginning, and sometimes I wasn’t sure if he actually cared about me or not, but I was oh so very much enamored of him. Still am; except now I know he’s just as enamored of me. It’s the best feeling in the world.