re: soulmates

Last night, D was telling me about something he watched where someone was talking about how the concept of soulmates has been over simplified, and therefore leads to disappointment. The gist of it is: soulmates aren’t fated, but are created over time. I like that.

It came up because we were listening to Angels and Airwaves in the car, and he mentioned how much he enjoys how we’ve learned to love the things the other loves; how we’ve grown more in tune with each other as the years have passed. We’ve grown together, and not apart. That’s the key.

I love what we’ve become. ❤️

an artifact from another life

We moved some furniture around tonight, and this fell from one of the drawers of an old table D brought from his previous marriage. It’s weird, and also kind of interesting, to remember that we were both doing something entirely different once upon a time. We feel so removed from all of that now, but those relationships helped shape us, and gave us these amazing kids. I’m grateful for all of that.

I can honestly say that I regret none of it. I’d do it again over and over and over to get to this same place.

I’ve got you

I love taking care of my husband when he gets too drunk.

That probably seems weird to some (most?) people, but it’s true. It doesn’t bother me at all. I’m happy to leave wherever we are as soon as he says he’s had too much, drive him home, get him undressed, and safely into bed. Give him three Thive+ tablets, two Advil, and a big glass of water. Tell him I love him and soothe him to sleep.

I remember when I was with G (my ex-husband) and how he would shame me every time I got too drunk. He was so brutal that he had me thinking I had a legitimate drinking problem; when really I was just blowing off steam. I remember the night I found out I passed the bar exam: we went out with a few friends and I really cut loose, which I like to think was completely understandable under the circumstances. But apparently not, because he shit talked me for days. I sucked. I was an alcoholic. And a bad wife. And selfish. And it went on and on. All because I had too many drinks in celebration of a huge fucking achievement: you know…passing the fucking bar exam, and got spinny and nauseated as a result. I never ever forgot the way he made me feel, and I promised myself I’d never make anyone else feel shitty for getting too drunk. Getting yelled at while you’re throwing up is the fucking worst. Who does that to someone they supposedly love??

I remember the first time I got too drunk around D. It was during our first summer together. I got super defensive because I just assumed he would be shitty to me because of it, and as a result, I was unintentionally shitty to him. That was a huge relationship milestone for us. That night was my first significant indication that maybe I could relax around him. It feels good to know you’re safe and taken care of no matter what. I want D, my kids, and my friends to always know I’ve got them. No matter what.

The 5 love languages

I decided to join in on this particular Tumblr blog-a-day prompt.

I was not surprised by my results. The early part of my relationship with D taught me a lot about how I love and how I want to be loved in return. I am very much a verbal person. Of course I want you to show me, both physically and through actions, but you have to tell me too. That’s non-negotiable. I need to hear it.

If you want to take the test, you can find it here. I had D take it too.

TL;DR: touch me and tell me I’m pretty.

it’s awesome

though still feels kind of strange,
to be in a relationship where my partner cares so very much about my happiness.
you’d think i’d be used to it by now,
but there are times where i’m still like – wow.
for so many years, my happiness was secondary to…everything.
i got used to marginalizing myself.
now i don’t have to, but i sometimes forget.
it’s a hard habit to break.

he’s a keeper for sure.
he truly believes in the “happy wife, happy life” mantra,
and i try desperately not to take advantage of that fact.
i hope i’m succeeding.

he read my blog, decided i seemed sad, and texted to cheer me up. in the process, he solved a problem i was struggling with.

i love him forever.
i’m so glad he’s mine.
forever grateful.

i love you, babe.

cutesy

We do this cutesy thing where we send each other pics of what we’re listening to when the songs remind us of the other person. We started doing it a few years back, and it still makes me smile every single time.

This morning:

And it’s not lost on us how he’s the one listening to DMB and I’m listening to New Order. I guess maybe we’ve rubbed off on each other. Just a little…🥰