How do you know when you’re in love?

I’ve only been in love twice, and it was different both times.

The first time was a gradual build up. I’m not even sure when or how I knew for sure, I just did. Our lives just became more and more entwined, until life just didn’t make sense without him in it.

This last time felt completely different. People talk about falling in love, and that’s what it felt like: falling. I remember that very early on, D sent me a song to describe how he was feeling, and it perfectly described my own feelings as well.

SHOVE – Angels & Airwaves

Forget the things that you own
And travel almost anywhere you can go
Dance across the tree tips, set them ablaze
Soaking in their pleasant warm summer haze
And weeping on her streets and school city blocks
And finding streams on her while you’re skipping rocks
And feeding on her touch as it will barely keep you alive

She said show me the world that’s inside your head,
Show me the world that you see yourself, you could use some help
Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love

It can be so bold and so cavalier
To reach out to the fire her souls sending here
It can be like death that blows like a breeze
Making all ones strength go weak at the knees
I hate to feel the shallow ground giving way
I’ve never let myself fall this much astray
And feeding on her touch is all one does to survive

She said show me the world that’s inside your head,
Show me the world that you see yourself, you could use some help
Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love

If you’re ever alone, then your heart will know
It can call to mine, and I’ll be at your side
If you’re ever alone, then your heart will know
It can reach to mine, I’ll be at your side

Memories

That’s the name of the playlist we’re listening to right now. This song is on it. It’s the first song I sent D as an “I love you” text back when I wasn’t supposed to love him, but I really, really did, and even more so now, over six years later.

August blog challenge: day 20

An interesting dating story

I haven’t done a lot of dating in my adult years. I’m a relationship girl. I’m picky about who I date, so when I do go out with someone it usually turns into a relationship.

I met my first husband, G, when I was 18 years old. We were together (more or less…there were a couple of early college break ups where I dated a couple of other people) until I was 32. But…G and I ventured into swinging about a year before we split up (though I knew when we started that it was our death rattle). On one of these swinger dates, I met D. Who I’m now married to. Yep. How many people can say they met their spouse on a swinger date while they were married to someone else?

It was December. Probably a week before NYE. 2011. We met them at a bar. I was nervous. Even though it wasn’t our first time doing something of this sort, it was the first time with people who it seemed like we’d actually have something in common with. And that ended up being true, despite the fact that D’s then wife unintentionally insulted me pretty early on. It was typical of what I’d come to know as the spazzy, know it all, pretentious thing she does. I remember as it was happening that G gave me a look like please don’t be a bitch. I was gracious about it, and she back pedaled like crazy. We moved on.

It ended up being a fun night, though by the end I wasn’t sure D was into me. It was clear G and K liked each other. I thought D was cute and interesting, but I didn’t think anything would come of it. But…then he started messaging me on NYE, and the rest is history.

A pun

I thought this one was cute:

Speaking of puns, my husband is the king of puns. I learned this early on. Before we were dating, we had an intense texting relationship. I remember one such conversation quite vividly. I was assembling a floor lamp for my office, and texting him about how fucked up and incoherent the instructions were. (This would become a thing for us: me texting him about “shitty instructions” that typically turned out to be me simply being absolutely horrible at assembling things). He started joking around with me, and ended up coming up with like fifteen different puns regarding lights/lamps. I remember thinking it was adorable. I was smitten. 💜

I wish I still had those early conversations.