I’m thinking about doing this challenge in 2018, but I’m just not sure if I’m motivated enough. I can barely finish a monthly challenge (like #fmspad). Thoughts? D has offered me his fancy camera. I figure this could be a good way to learn how to use it.

time flies

I can’t believe Christmas is over already.

I do still have the gift exchange with the kids tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. 

I’m also looking forward to NYE.  I’m so glad Dave & I decided that we are done with going out on NYE. It’s always a major hassle, too expensive, and never as much fun as you think it’s going to be. Staying in with him and the kids sounds absolutely perfect!

It’s almost 2016. I have a short list of things I’d like to accomplish next year, but I’m not going to do a big resolutions post like I normally would. My goals are simple, and really boil down to the following: LOVE MYSELF & BE HAPPY. 

starting over

I can’t believe it is already Monday.  The weekend flew by, and we had so much fun. I’m absolutely exhausted though. 

I think I need to get good with the fact that pretty much nothing is going to get done for the next couple of weeks. It’s that time of year. 

I’m excited for Christmas. Dave and I braved the stores yesterday and mostly completed our shopping. I still need to get something for the bestie, but I still have time. 

The Force Awakens was so good. I kept thinking holy shit that’s bad ass…over and over and over. 

I have been spending a bunch of time blocking anonymous followers. I very much want to make sure that the crazy bitches who were reading this blog before can no longer do so. 

I’m a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but my only big resolution this year is to leave the divorce drama behind me and concentrate on my future. I couldn’t do that with Dave’s ex, her friends, my ex-mil, and various other haters reading about my life and stirring up drama. 

I am going to be setting some mini goals for myself. For example, I want to commit to running 31 miles in January. That’s just one mile per day. I know it’s not much, but you’ve got to start somewhere, right? 

And I want to restart 30 Day Shred after being inspired by a conversation I had about what a bad ass Jillian is at the firm Christmas party. 

I get to see my kid tonight. I haven’t seen him since Thursday morning. I am beyond ready. 


I know some people hate New Years resolutions, but I love them.  Here is what I hope to accomplish in 2015:

  • Read 50 books. This should be easy. I surpassed that this year.
  • Be more active. I’m not putting any pressure on myself about a certain number of times per week I need to be exercising. (In fact, I plan on canceling my gym memberships.) I just want to run and walk more. Maybe ride my bike.  I don’t want it to feel like a chore. I’m over that. I’m never going to be that super fit chick. I’m never going to hit the gym every single day. That’s just not me.
  • Be more body positive.  Finishing up my reconstruction has helped a lot with this, but I still need to work at it. I am way too critical of myself, and it really brings me down.  That’s silly.  I am beautiful. Inside and out. It’s time to start acting like it. I’m going to own that in 2015. I’m done with being my own worst enemy. I’m 35 years old. I’m over it. I even told the bf that I want to be naked on the beach in Belize next year because fuck it that’s why. 
  • Strengthen relationships with friends and family. I’ve already started on this one, and it makes my heart happy. 
  • Travel. On the list so far: Iceland, Boston, Wisconsin, Chicago, Hawaii, and Belize. 
  • Try something new every month. It can be anything: a new food, restaurant, hairstyle, activity…you get the idea.
  • Be more present. Less social media. Less cell phone. Less work distractions. My people deserve more of my attention. 

I think these are reasonable. It’s not like I’m foolish enough to think I’m going to magically turn into some super fabulous version of myself or something. However, I do want to be constantly improving. Otherwise, what’s the point? 

**2014 goals**

It’s that time of year again. I love lists and I love goals, so here I go:

  1. Professional Development.  I need to focus on career development. I need to go to more CLE courses and seminars. I’m thinking of finally joining the National Association of Consumer Bankruptcy Attorneys (NACBA), and attending their annual conference in April, which is in NYC. I’ve never been to NYC, so that sounds like a good plan to me. I also need to take more time to read the professional journals and the local bk list serve.  I’m also still considering, as I have been for a few years now, pursuing the LLM in Bankruptcy. Decisions, decisions. 
  2. Travel. I need to make this a much bigger priority in my life. So far I’m planning another beach trip, a water park trip with the kiddo, that trip to NYC, and possibly a trip to Scotland. I also want to do a girls trip with the besties. (Traveling more was also a goal in 2013, and I managed a trip to Nashville, the Lake, and Cancun.  Not too bad for a girl with cancer).
  3. Running. I’m going to continue trying to improve. I’m signed up for another half-marathon in April.  I want to improve my 5k time.  I’d love to get back to pre-cancer pace. I’m hoping my knee won’t continue to interfere.  Stupid arthritis. 
  4. Try (more) new things.  On the agenda so far: painting class, cooking class, book club.  I also want to check out some local spots I haven’t made it to yet, like The Royale and Olio.  I live so close to them that there’s no excuse not to go.
  5. Spend less time on social media. I’ve been doing this lately, and it has improved my mood. Enough said.
  6. Rebuild my savings.  Cancer killed my savings account. I need to rebuild it.  I’m going to do the 52 week savings challenge as a minimum starting point.  Also, I’m going to be contributing to a 401k starting in January. 
  7. Read 36 books in 2014.  I managed to read 32 ½ books in 2013. My goal was 24, so I’m pleased. Getting back into reading has been one of my favorite things about 2013.

How did I do?

I love making resolutions for a new year.  Last year, I had a list of goals for myself, and I’m checking in to see how I did.  

hobbies – get some
I tried a few things, but haven’t found anything that really did it for me. Maybe it’s time to accept that reading and blogging are my two main hobbies. I honestly don’t have time for much else. I spend most of my kid free time with friends or with my boyfriend. 
keep running and keep improving
I rocked this goal, even through chemo and rads.  When I wrote this list, I could only run about 5k.  This October I ran a half-marathon and beat my goal time. 
vacation – take one
It’s hard to vacation when you are going through cancer treatment, but I did manage to take a weekend vacation to Cancun.  It was amazing.  Next year is looking much more promising on the travel front.
read more
I aced this.   My goal was 24. I have read 29 so far, and have at least a few more in me before the end of the year.  
attend more concerts
Done.  This year I saw: Tegan & Sara, The Joy Formidable, Dave Matthews Band,  Grace Potter and The Nocturnals, Jill and Kate, The Neighbourhood (twice!), Silversun Pickups, Cage the Elephant, and (part of a set for) Imagine Dragons. There may be more, but I can’t remember right now. 
take photos with a real camera
EPIC FAIL.  I take pics with my phone because it’s convenient. I just can’t be bothered to carry a camera around. I need to accept this. 
eat healthier
I think I have done this, though not as well as I had hoped. I’ve eaten a lot more veggies, and I’ve learned that I like a lot of them. I’m been preparing more meals at home. It’s a work in progress. 
learn to enjoy my own company
I’ve done this.  I’m no longer scared to go out on my own.  In fact, I bought a ticket to see The Arctic Monkeys even though I didn’t have a date. (For the record, I do have a date now, but I would have gone alone.)   I just purchased a single ticket to go see The Nutcracker next weekend.  This year I went to several meals alone, the art museum, and the movies. 
I’m working on my 2014 resolutions list.  I love this time of year.  

so many books, so little time

This is my list of books read so far this year.  My goal is to read at least 24 books in 2013, and I’m almost there.  I’m very much enjoying working toward achieving this goal.  I’m loving it even more now that I’ve upgraded to a Kindle Paperwhite.

  1. The Sorrows (by Jonathan Janz)
  2. The Fault in Our Stars (John Green)
  3. The Red Devil: To Hell With Cancer and Back(Katherine Russel Rich)
  4. Damned (Chuck Palahniuk)
  5. Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn)
  6. Dark Places (Gillian Flynn)
  7. Scratch (Brian Keene)
  8. The Passage (Justin Cronin)
  9. An Abundance of Katherines (John Green)
  10. Six Years (Harlan Coben)
  11. Afterwards (Rosamund Lupton)
  12. Rocking the Pink (Laura Roppe)
  13. The Dinner (Herman Koch)
  14. Defending Jacob (William Landay)
  15. Aftertime (Sophie Littlefield)
  16. Survivors (Sophie Littlefield)
  17. Brothers and Bones (James Hankins)
  18. The Interestings (Meg Wolitzer)
  19. The Silent Wife (A.S.A. Harrison)

The standouts on the list: The Fault In Our Stars, Gone Girl, Defending Jacob, and The Red Devil.

Last night I started #20: The Atlantis Gene.  So far, so good.  I’m a sucker for a good sci fi novel.  I’m probably going to read a couple of books this week, because I’ll be on vacation.  I’m thinking about re-reading The Ruins, because I’ll be in Mexico next weekend, so the theme is fitting, even though I’m not planning to see any ruins this time around.  Also on my short list: The Husband’s Secret. 

I have been feeling really good the last few days.  Almost normal.  I’m dreading chemo on Friday because I don’t want to go back to feeling crappy. 

I have gotten a lot done so far this week.  I gave myself two projects for the week: cleaning/organizing the apartment & making chili.  I have been cleaning and throwing stuff out since yesterday afternoon.  I went to work on Monday morning, got home around 2:30, and started.  My closet looks so much better.  I tried on almost everything in my closet and most of it was too big.  I got rid of that, and threw out a bunch of stuff I haven’t worn in a while.  I still have a lot to do, but I’m making progress, and that makes me happy.  I hate living with clutter. 

As for the chili, I went out this morning and bought everything I needed.  It has been cooking most of the day.  It turned out really well.  It’s pretty spicy, which I love.  Most chili isn’t spicy enough for my liking, but this one is perfect. I will do a few things differently next time, but I’d say it’s a success for my first attempt.  I made cornbread muffins to go with it.  Those turned out well, and Jackson likes them, which is great.   Learning to cook is one of my goals for 2013.  I’m off to a good start.

  I put cheese and sour cream on mine. Yum.

  Baking is surprisingly fun.

Speaking of resolutions, I just started book #4 for January, so I’m already ahead of schedule.  I’m currently reading Damned by Chuck Palahniuk.  So far it’s just as crazy as all of his other stuff.

I’m meeting with my breast cancer mentor, Catherine, on Thursday.  We are going to have a long lunch.  We have been emailing for over a week, and she seems great. I think this is going to be very helpful.  She has already answered a bunch of my questions.  I hope we hit it off and end up friends.

Jax is doing a lot better today.  The first thing he said this morning was, “Mama, my boo boo is all gone."  I thought we were good, and he would leave the wound alone.  WRONG.  Within the hour, he had bitten the glue from his fingertip, leaving a big raw patch of skin exposed.  I cleaned it, put ointment on it, and bandaged it really well.  I swear, this kid is going to be the death of me.  But man he’s cute.

I’m tired now.  Being domestic is exhausting.

the mandatory resolutions post

I love making lists.  Love.  My lists are usually written on some type of paper: a legal pad, a post-it note, or my paper journal.  At the end of every year, I do a list of resolutions, though I prefer to call them goals, for the upcoming year.  I can’t find my 2012 list to determine if I accomplished any of the stuff on my list.  So this time I’m putting it here, and tagging it, so that I can check my progress.

2013 goals:

  • Hobbies – get some.  I have signed up for an intro knitting class that starts in January.  I’m also looking into some cooking classes.  I have a few other ideas, but this will do for now.
  • Keep running and keep improving.  I am signed up for the Go St. Louis half-marathon in April.  I will do the Komen 5k. I will probably do the Go St. Louis Halloween 10k as well.  I’ll do the Arthritis Foundation 5k if it doesn’t conflict with Jackson’s birthday again. 
  • Vacation.  Take one.  Actually, take a few.  I want one big summer vacation to a tropical location.  I figure if I’m getting nice new breasts I may as well show them off.  I also want to do a few weekend trips.  Chicago and New York sound promising.  I have never been to New York City.  Isn’t that sad? I haven’t been on a proper vacation since 2007.  This must end.
  • Read more.  I used to keep track of all the books I read.  I did it for several years and I really enjoyed looking back at those lists at the end of each year.  I’m going to track the books I read in 2013.  I have gotten out of the habit of reading, because there is always something else to do or some other (stupid) distraction.  I’ve made a list of books I want to read that are available for the Nook. I used to aim to read 50 books a year.  I have a lot going on in 2013 so I’m going to aim for 24.  Two per month sounds very doable.
  • Attend more concerts.  This is the same as with the reading.  I used to go to lots of concerts. I want to get back to that, even if I have to go alone.  I have Tegan & Sara set for March, which I’m super excited about.  I have been seeing more live music as of late, thanks to the boyfriend’s band, so that’s an excellent start.
  • Take photos with a real camera…like ever.  D made fun of me for my “washed out iPhone pictures.” He has a point.  I have a real camera.  I cannot remember the last time I used it.  Why don’t I ever use it?  I’m going to start.  Framing iPhone pics just isn’t the same, though it doesn’t stop me from having them all over my apartment.
  • Eat healthier.  I think everyone always lists this as a goal for the next year, but I really mean it this time, and I have already started.  I have never been a big vegetable eater, but I have started incorporating them into my diet recently.  Fruit, too.  I’m also contemplating buying a juicer.  I don’t want to be one of those people, but I need to get serious about my health.  I have cancer, and I don’t want it coming back.  I will do whatever I can to ensure that it doesn’t. Cancer changes your perspective on pretty much everything. Stuff that once seemed intolerable seems much more manageable when it’s a matter of life or death.  Even broccoli.
  • Learn to enjoy my own company.  Since my separation, I have spent a lot more time alone.  My friends are always willing to hang out, but I have been trying to get used to spending time on my own.  It was always something I craved during my 14 year relationship, and now I can do it.  I always have lots of ideas for what I want to do:  go to the art museum, go to the symphony, go to the movies, etc.  For some reason, I never go through with it.  I’m going to start making myself go out alone.  I’m 33 years old.  It’s time.

That’s it for now, though I’m sure I will think of things to add as the year progresses.  I’m excited for 2013.  2012 has been a hard year.  My dad died.  My marriage ended, which was accompanied by an enormous amount of drama.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had two surgeries in one month.  That’s a lot of heartache for one year.  There have been some really high points, however.  I got to know a really amazing person, and can now freely spend time with him.  I got to live on my own for the first time ever, and have learned a lot about myself because of it. 

I’m very excited to see what 2013 has to offer, and beyond grateful for the opportunity.