To sex or not to sex…

I’m in this weird mood where I’m not super excited about our dinner date with the new couple tonight or about any LS stuff really. I think I may be over it. Casual sex isn’t exciting to me anymore. And, with the exception of my husband, obvi, I’m just really not that into men right now. I’m very interested in women generally speaking, but there is only one that I want, and we are currently on a break. So…I think I’m good? We’re still going to the dinner tonight. I’m down for making friends and seeing what happens with time. I think D and I are def on the demi spectrum. We really only like fucking our good friends at this point, and even then only very occasionally.

At the end of the day, as long as I have D, I’m good.

Shameless (Grounds)

We went to an LS meet & greet tonight, for the first time in like 6 years, and it was fun, though there were no connections made. It felt good to be back in the scene though. It was also good for my self-esteem. I actually felt sexy.

(It helps that D and I had amazing sex last night, and I felt very sexy despite feeling old and chubby. I realized that I’m still a fucking snack – and not despite it, BUT BECAUSE OF IT).

D and I have decided to check out another location soon. We’re also going to hit up a strip club, because we’ve never gone together. I’m so happy that we’re back to mixing it up TOGETHER. ♥️

I don’t know how I’ve gotten so lucky.

W.A.P.

D and I had really hot sex tonight; a hot, hard, juicy fuck. Afterwards, I looked at him and sang, “Certified freak. Seven days a week. Wet ass pussy – make that pull-out game weak.” He laughed, and said,”What the hell is that?? That shit is pornagraphic.” He doesn’t know Cardi B. lol

He’s so cute, and I love him. Things are going really well right now, and I am happy.

xoxo

in other, more interesting, news:

My husband doesn’t even know about this yet. He’s too busy out in Connecticut to chat much throughout the day. We typically facetime in the evenings when he’s on work travel. I forgot to mention this to him last night.

ANYWAY –

So a couple of months back, I went on a first date with a guy. We hit it off. We had sex in his car. It was fine. Nothing spectacular. I did it more for the experience than anything else. I had never done that before, and, to be frank, I’m running out of time!

My husband was less than enthused about this development, and so I told the dude that I couldn’t see him anymore. He was bummed, but was cool about it.

He’s getting married in like two weeks, and is deploying in like a month. He’ll be gone for a year. This is all info I knew about when we started talking a few months back, but I wasn’t looking for anything serious, so it wasn’t an issue for me. (I also went out on a date with his soon to be wife – so there is no shady-ness here. This is an ENM situation).

He texted me yesterday to check-in. He has done this periodically to see where D and I are in terms of me being able to go out with him again. I just find this so fucking bizarre. Like the pussy was good, bro, but it wasn’t that fucking good. Don’t you have enough on your plate right now?? Anyway – he was like I’m still in town for 5 weeks and maybe we can go out again. If not, we can keep chatting and see where things are in a year.

LOL WHAT???!!!

I mean, on the one hand, I am flattered as fuck. On the other, I’m like: dude, this just wasn’t meant to be, bro.

A year is a very long time when you have MBC. Fuck – a year is a long time period. Especially for a relationship that never even got off the ground to begin with.

the vag laser!

Yep – you read that title correctly. haha

Yesterday afternoon, I had treatment 1 of 3 of Femilift laser therapy.

How does it work?

Femilift works using precision laser technology via a probe that goes into the vagina. The laser beam leads to microablation of the vaginal tissue to break down old collagen and stimulate your body to produce healthy, new collagen and elastin. The vaginal tissue also develops new blood vessels that allow for increased lubrication and better vaginal health overall.

What does it treat?

Femilift is a choice for women of all ages. Whether you are postmenopausal or postpartum, Femilift treats the symptoms of declining estrogen levels such as dryness, burning, irritation, itching, and urinary leakage.

My experience:

I had to insert 5 ml of lidocaine into my vagina an hour prior to the procedure to help numb the area. Once I arrived, I undressed, feet in the stirrups, and put on a pair of metal goggles to protect my eyes from the laser. My doc inserted the probe and made three passes at varying strengths, which took a total of about 15 minutes. It was definitely painful – especially around the vaginal opening, which is where most of the nerve endings are located. I can’t have sex (or insert anything vaginally) for two days, and I go back in four weeks for my next treatment. I’m definitely uncomfortable, but I feel really good about it, and think it is worth it. I hope I see results soon!

How Much?

It’s not covered by insurance, though it absolutely should be. Don’t get me started on that. The three sessions total around $2k, and then you will need one session per year @ $650 for maintenance. If you can afford it, I think this is a great option for menopausal women – particularly for my estrogen based cancer ladies.

Local ladies – check out my doc. She’s fucking fabulous.
https://www.evorabydrbeckylynn.com/

I never really thought I’d be doing vaginal rejuvenation, but here we are. This is where being diagnosed with breast cancer at 33yo and being estrogen deprived for eight years will lead you. I’ve gotta get my bang on, ykwim? I feel so lucky that this treatment is an option for me.

Tinder

D uses Tinder, and I was curious so I downloaded it too. (The swiping is fun!)

Wooooo lord – it’s a trip.

This one dude was like, “You seem to have really good tits,” and I was like,”Thanks I had cancer so they’re fake!” 😆

These dudes are so thirsty. They are trying to sext me, like what do you want me to do to you, and I’m like BRB I’m vacuuming. 😂

I told one dude he looked like Dennis Reynolds, and he didn’t know what I meant, which made me sad. Haha. (It was a compliment, btw. I would totally fuck Dennis. He wouldn’t even have to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system on me. Everyone knows Dennis is the looks).

So yeah – it was a fun distraction, but I already have my head turned right now. ♥️

the feeling is mutual

I was sitting at home drinking when D got home from his date. I cancelled mine to be with my bestie, obvi, but I told him to go ahead with his date, because why should he sit at home alone. Anyway – it was good to see his face, to hear the details of his night, and, to be honest, to hear about how he talked about me way too much, because he’s a dude who is just madly in love with his wife. And goddamn does his wife love him back.

He told me he kissed her goodnight, which is no biggie, especially considering the original plans, but I actually liked that it made me just a tiny bit jealous. Just jealous enough that I grabbed him and kissed him quite passionately, to remind him of what he has here waiting for him at home. We then stripped and made out in the kitchen before running to our bedroom where we had the most intensely hot sex. We both agreed that the blow job I gave tonight was a fucking masterpiece.

Afterwards, while we were drinking, i gave him some shit for his joking response to something I posted on Facebook. Yesterday, I shared a post that said “describe me with one word” to which he replied “astronaut.” (I laughed, for the record – that’s just so us). I then asked him for his real one word answer, and he replied, “Everything.”

♥️♥️♥️

Panama

That song will now always remind me of the really hot sex we had tonight on the couch in the great room. It was that really amazing, uninhibited drunk/high sex, made even better by the fun conversations we had before and after.

I really needed that. Holy shit. What a great evening.

I’m also happy to report that my friend, who is going through a nasty divorce, finally had good sex for the first time ever, and I was the first/only person she told, because I encouraged her to get that dick. ♥️