D and I were discussing how we think the lifting of social distancing restrictions will go, and we both think that (hopefully this summer) we will be allowed to have small, private, at-home gatherings. We’ve decided this will be the perfect time to start hosting dinner parties with just one or two other couples. I’m already excited about it! When the time comes, I’m going to order a cute new dress and apron!

Quarantine – Day 9

I emailed my oncologist and told him I was losing my shit, so he called me in some Xanax. Fucking finally, bro. He told me to only take it as needed, and I’m like lol okay, dude, that’s like every minute of my fucking day anymore. I have metastatic cancer, and am immunocompromised during a fucking pandemic. I’m trapped in my fucking house. I’m also currently adjusting to two new meds with brutal side effects. Oh and all of this has happened within the last fucking month. Give me a minute.

The Ibrance (most likely) is causing rapid heart rate and some chest pains, so he advised that I stop it for two days to see if that is for sure the cause. If so, there is apparently a lower dose we can try. I’m not wanting to give up on it unless I absolutely have to. There aren’t enough treatment options to just discard one that might work. Ugh. In a lot of ways, the treatment is worse than the disease itself.

When I washed my hair this morning, there was more in my hand than normal. Ugh. Let the shedding begin. I fucking hate cancer. If I end up needing a wig, I’m getting one of those super expensive human hair ones this time. FUCK IT. What am I saving my money for? *lol sob*

I’m trying to stay positive. I’m alive. I don’t seem to have Covid-19. My family is healthy. We are lucky to be financially secure and able to work from home. I really shouldn’t complain.

Peace out.

treatment time

All the nurses at the cancer center loved my dress.

The injections (Faslodex) are done. I get two: one in each ass cheek. They were given simultaneously by two nurses. It hurt more than I anticipated, but I’m a tough bitch so it was fine. One of the nurses was like, “Damn, she didn’t even flinch.” That’s the silver lining of chronic pain, friends.

Eventually, I’ll be starting a bone strengthener, Zometa, which is also an injection.

Next up: start taking these babies right here –

This is the oral chemo. One per day, at the same time, with a meal. Apparently it’s very important that it’s taken with food. I’ve decided to take mine with dinner, since that’s the only meal I consistently eat.

I slept hardly at all last night, and woke up early, so I’m currently in bed, ready for napping. I had a dream that I had Covid-19. I woke up sweaty and startled.

It was weird being out of the house today. I stayed as far away from people as I could, but I’m still super paranoid. I’m happy that I don’t have to leave the house again until Monday afternoon (for rads). D is going to go to the store later to pick up some stuff. Friday Night Dinner Date is still a go. Tonight we’re making steak and broccoli cheese rice bake. I might wear a formal dress…just because.

Thank you to everyone who has sent messages of love and support today. ❤️💙

Happy Friday!