here’s my tuesday truth(s)

It’s Tuesday, right?

I really need to get my shit together, but I am majorly on the struggle bus. Even insignificant things are feeling overwhelming right now. Like my bank card expired, and now I need to update all of my auto withdrawals, but fuuuuuuuuuuck I don’t want to mess with that. What a fucking hassle.

I have managed to get some work done this morning, which feels good, but all the cases are fucked up – like way more complicated than they should be – and I just want to shut down and go back to bed.

Did I mention my stomach hurts? Because my stomach hurts.

And I’m tired – because DUH.

Oh and so very cold, like fuck winter in it’s fucking ass w/o lube, fucking freezing my non-existent balls off, cold. I’m over winter. Fuck right off, winter. Somebody go kill that fucking ground rat. Bring me the sun. I don’t even care anymore.

Aren’t I a fucking delight?

Also – I’m going to have to block some people, because I cannot deal with the endless fucking commentary.


My latest annoyance:
I have a highly anticipated date on Thursday night. A date I have waited a long time for, and am very excited about. Well – I was just informed that I now have a trial scheduled that night on some old as fuck DWS case that my client never made good on. I’m talking about a case from fucking 2017. So now I have to appear at 6 pm on Thursday to sort that bullshit out, which interferes with the date, and now I don’t know what is going to happen, and I am very, very frustrated.

Oh and I failed to mention here that this entire week has been complicated by the fact that my ex-husband decided to wait until two days before leaving town to mention that he was going to need me to have our child for the entire week. I don’t mind having Jackson here for a week. What I do mind is having to scramble to rearrange plans/meetings/make new arrangements at the last fucking minute in order to accommodate him on something he knew about for weeks. He was like, “Oh I think I forgot to mention…” YEAH YOU FUCKING DID, ASSHOLE. He is seriously the most selfish person I have ever met. Fucking. Ever. That is not an exaggeration. Fucking ask anyone who knows him well and they will agree.

So let’s recap:
I don’t feel good.
I am grumpy.
Being a lawyer sucks.
It is stupid fucking cold.
My ex is a fucking dickwad.

Yep – I def have seasonal affective disorder. IT’S SO MUCH FUN.

I think I need to call my psych and ask to up my Lexapro. Oh and get more Xanax. In fact, I’m going to go take a Xanax right fucking now.


PS: I’ve been being “good” on the blog recently and not being quite my normal dramatic self. Well that’s over now. Welcome to hell.

it has been eight years

When my ex-husband arrives to pick up our child, he honks his horn twice to indicate he has arrived, since he cannot be bothered to come to the door – even after all these years – because he is still all fucking butt hurt about the divorce/Dave. Let me tell you – that sound grates on my fucking nerves and induces rage every single time, so if that’s what he’s going for, he’s fucking nailing it.

it’s driving me crazy

Why does my ex call me ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

What can’t he catch a fucking hint?

I don’t answer the phone initially, but he just calls over and over and over until I’m finally like OMFG fine…WHAT????

It is almost never anything important. And he starts the conversation with, “We need to talk,” which makes my fucking blood boil. No, we do not need to talk. You just want to talk.

It’s annoying as fuck, and it makes my husband super ragey, which I totally understand. If Karen was calling D all the fucking time just to talk about stupid shit, I would also be pissed. G thinks every little thing that comes up is worthy of a 45 minute phone conversation. He just loves hearing himself talk. In fact, I’ve met few people more in love with the sound of their own fucking voice.

And, honestly, with everything going on in the world, and in my personal life, I am not even a little bit interested in hearing all of his “woe is me yet i’m the hero America needs” bullshit.

This ends my divorce rant. Thank you for reading.


Thursday thoughts (it’s Thursday right?)

I’m taking a chill approach to the day. My first appointment is at 11, so I’m still at home. Starting slow. Going to shower in a bit.

I gave Jackson the option of skipping camp and coming to work with me, which he immediately accepted.

Speaking of camp, it’s a touchy subject for us (me and D) right now. I originally wanted to enroll Jackson into the normal day camp, which has hours from 6 to 6. Perfect for me, because I don’t have set hours. My ex argued and argued for this different schedule we’re doing now, where the camps and hours change every week. He thought it would be better for Jackson, and guilted me into it. He promised me he would cover pickups and drop offs when my schedule wouldn’t allow me to accommodate it. For example, camp this week runs from 8:45 to noon. I can’t leave work every day at noon and drive 20 miles to get Jackson.

Fast forward to yesterday, aka day three of camp. Suddenly he’s not sure he can make it happen, because he doesn’t have any gas money. He has money to go party with his friends on the weekend, and go out to eat, and buy video games, but not to pick up our kid – something he has already agreed to do. I am fucking livid.

I have some not very nice things I’d like to say regarding the reason he doesn’t have any money, but I’m going to bite my tongue.


I’m about to cancel the entire fucking thing.

Oh and shit like this…this is why we aren’t married anymore. This lazy, unemployed yet ridiculously entitled, selfish, always a victim, bullshit.

Oops. Guess I didn’t bite hard enough. Lol.

D and I have had serious discussions about just going for full custody. The only reason I don’t is because it’s not in Jackson’s best interest (emotionally).

Ugh. Whatever.

I really am in a decent mood – despite how this post reads. I’m just annoyed as fuck regarding this one situation.

A word of advice: don’t get married in your 20s.

I’ve got you

I love taking care of my husband when he gets too drunk.

That probably seems weird to some (most?) people, but it’s true. It doesn’t bother me at all. I’m happy to leave wherever we are as soon as he says he’s had too much, drive him home, get him undressed, and safely into bed. Give him three Thive+ tablets, two Advil, and a big glass of water. Tell him I love him and soothe him to sleep.

I remember when I was with G (my ex-husband) and how he would shame me every time I got too drunk. He was so brutal that he had me thinking I had a legitimate drinking problem; when really I was just blowing off steam. I remember the night I found out I passed the bar exam: we went out with a few friends and I really cut loose, which I like to think was completely understandable under the circumstances. But apparently not, because he shit talked me for days. I sucked. I was an alcoholic. And a bad wife. And selfish. And it went on and on. All because I had too many drinks in celebration of a huge fucking achievement: you know…passing the fucking bar exam, and got spinny and nauseated as a result. I never ever forgot the way he made me feel, and I promised myself I’d never make anyone else feel shitty for getting too drunk. Getting yelled at while you’re throwing up is the fucking worst. Who does that to someone they supposedly love??

I remember the first time I got too drunk around D. It was during our first summer together. I got super defensive because I just assumed he would be shitty to me because of it, and as a result, I was unintentionally shitty to him. That was a huge relationship milestone for us. That night was my first significant indication that maybe I could relax around him. It feels good to know you’re safe and taken care of no matter what. I want D, my kids, and my friends to always know I’ve got them. No matter what.

I’m just going to say it

Because fuck it.

I’m sitting in the parking lot at the orthodontist’s office, and I need to vent.

Guess who couldn’t be bothered to show up today? Yep…Jackson’s dad. I mean I’m not surprised or anything, but I am angry and disappointed. It’s bad enough I have to carry the financial burden on my own, and the time burden too; since despite the fact that he’s unemployed, I can’t trust him to get Jackson where he needs to be. I’m just extremely fucking frustrated right now and I needed to put it out into the world. So here it is.


*hulk smash*

This is a stupid, petty little rant, but I need to get it out:

I fucking hate co-parenting sometimes.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I bought tickets for the family to go see Rogue One tonight. I bought these tickets like two weeks ago as part of the kids’ Christmas countdown activities. We made a point of telling the kids about it ahead of time so that they could tell the other parents about it. We wanted to avoid having them see it twice in a short period of time. Both of the other parents are big Star Wars fans, so this was a good possibility. I even told my ex about it personally, because I knew I couldn’t rely on children to relay information.

So what happens? Both kids told us when we spoke to them this weekend that they had seen the movie with the other parents. Okay fine. I can still work with that. But…it gets better! My ex called earlier to tell me something unrelated and happened to mention that he took Jackson to see it twice this weekend. Fucking twice. When he knew we had tickets to go see it tonight!

That’s just such a dick move, in my opinion. He just shit all over my fucking plans. I paid like fifty fucking dollars for these tickets, and there is no way Jackson is going to want to see it a third time in as many days. I don’t blame him. Ugh I’m just so (admittedly probably irrationally) angry about this and I want to shit all over something that is important to him just to be an asshole.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck you so fucking hard. Grrr.


Parent/teacher conference was tonight…

I swear to fucking god my ex is a master at making literally everything about himself. 

Teacher: Jackson really loves books. 

The ex: Oh that’s because I’m in publishing so books are a huge part of my life…blah blah blah.

Teacher: Jackson is advanced on everything but writing.

The ex: Oh that’s crazy because I’m a published author. Blah blah blah.

Me: 😡😡😡😡😡

matter of fact 

Today my ex told me, among other things, that he’s not in love with me anymore.

He went on to say that he was explaining to Jackson that we met when we were very young (18) and that people just grow apart, and that’s why we had to get divorced. 

It was surprisingly mature for someone I typically describe as a man-child.

Anyway…I was glad to hear it. Though I’ve been mostly over the guilt for a while now. It has almost been five years, after all. Plus, if the exes can’t see that we are all better off now then they must be blind. Who wants to be stuck in a loveless marriage? 

So yeah…that happened today.