i won’t ever be your cornerstone

  1. I have watched all three of the Toy Story movies this weekend.  My boy is addicted.  He is, however, scared of the bad monkey in Toy Story 3.  He hid behind me whenever it was on the screen. It was pretty cute.  image
  2. The boyfriend came over last night. He made dinner and then we watched Game of Thrones.  We finished season 4 this morning.  (Over breakfast the bf made. He’s seriously a keeper). I forgot just how awesome season 4 is. Tyrion’s trial. Prince Oberyn. So much win.  I can’t wait for season 5. image

  3. I bought new bedding today. Sheets, comforter, pillows. The works. I love it. It’s so comfy.  image
  4. I’ll be watching The Walking Dead tonight after the kiddo goes to bed. The premiere was so amazing. I can’t wait to see what happens next.  I have been mostly disappointed with American Horror Story Freak Show. I think I’m going to bail. I don’t spend too much time on television, and the time I do spend has to be on shit that’s actually good. I can’t handle the characters randomly breaking into song. That’s lame as fuck.
  5. I’m almost finished with Not That Kind Of Girl and I’m sad because I have really enjoyed it. I’m not ready for it to end.
  6. My law partner wants to try a new schedule where we always have three day weekends. I’m always off on Mondays and he’s always off on Fridays, assuming there are no court conflicts.  This is our first week trying it. So I’m trying to figure out what to do tomorrow. I definitely need to run.  I may also get my nails done or maybe walk around MO Botanical.  The possibilities are endless. I will be making a big attempt at not feeling guilty about taking the day for myself. I have a real problem with that. I feel like I should always be doing something productive and if I’m not then I suck.
  7. This has been another awesome weekend, and I expect it will be a good week as well, BUT I can’t freaking wait until next weekend.

  • Last night’s episode of The Walking Dead was one of the best ever.
  • Adam is my favorite character from Girls, I think.  I really liked his monologue at the AA meeting in last night’s episode.
  • I think I’m going to re-watch Game of Thrones Season 2.  Yep, I’ve decided.
  • Taxol side effects so far: PPE (hand/foot pain condition) is definitely worse.  I’m exhausted, like so very tired.  Mouth sores.  But I was able to have a pretty normal weekend hanging with the boyfriend and friends, so that was very good.  My AC weekends always sucked. Yay for being able to refer to AC chemo in the past tense. 🙂
  • I haven’t had Jackson since Tuesday night, and I am so ready to pick him up from school.  The long stretch away from him is the worst part about divorce.  I’m not sure that is ever going to get easier.
  • Ann and I are planning a trip to Nashville the weekend of 4/12, which is also my last chemo weekend.  I’m excited. I need to get out of town for a while.  Plus, I’ve never been to Nashville and have always wanted to check it out.
  • I found (and bought) the cutest Michael Kors leather jacket at Nordstrom Rack this weekend.
  • I have a cold I can’t get rid of, and it sucks. I feel crappy, but cannot purchase pseudoephedrine because OMG I might make meth so I need a prescription.  Bullshit.  The nurse who gave me my Neulasta shot this morning said that if I am not feeling better by tomorrow, I need to call the oncology nurse.  Lovely.
  • I love my new duvet cover and the cutesy throw pillows that go with it.  Oh and euro pillows are awesome. Who knew?  Cutesy stuff like that has an amazing ability to put me in a better mood.
  • I went looking for end tables this weekend, but didn’t see anything I liked.

just because

  • The only things I want to eat anymore: burritos from Chipotle, green chile bagels with jalapeno salsa cream cheese from Einstein Bros. Bagels, and greek yogurt mixed with fruit.  Nothing else ever sounds good.  I haven’t been cooking much the last two weeks, because it doesn’t seem worth the effort.  Jackson usually refuses to eat anything I prepare, and I don’t care enough to try just for me.
  • The Neighbourhood recently released two new songs, and I love them.  All of their songs are amazing.  I stalk their website, because I’m hoping they will be coming to St. Louis soon.  Chicago works, too.  I’m willing to travel.
  • I have to say it again: Gillian Flynn. Why are you so awesome?
  • All I want to do is read.  I haven’t been watching much television in the last few months.  It’s weird, because when I was married, I feel like that’s all we ever did.  I like this better.
  • But speaking of television, I’m really enjoying Girls and The Walking Dead.  I’m kind of over Grey’s, though it pains me to admit it.  I don’t feel like I can stop watching it though, because I’ve invested so much.  I’m hoping it will end soon. 
  • Walking Dead talk: Wtf, Daryl? I love you.  Please come back.
  • I think I’ve decided to move, but only if I can find the perfect place.  I need extra space for Jackson and all of his stuff.  He has taken over my living room, and I don’t like it.  My lease is up in about four months, so I guess I need to start figuring it out.

in which i say all the things

I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately, which I think is completely normal under the circumstances. Staying at home a lot makes me feel lazy, worthless, and generally blah. Luckily, I am recovering well from my surgeries. My incisions are healing nicely. I’m feeling mostly normal, with the exception of the incision under my left arm, but even that is doing okay.

I’m feeling good enough that I started going back to the gym. Last night was the second time. I ran/walked about 4 miles each time. I have to go slowly, as I’m not allowed to go back to faster running until at least 6 weeks have passed. I’m only at a month today. (One month ago today I was at Barnes recovering from my double mastectomy. Wow. Time moves quickly.) So I’m slowly trying to get back to where I was. I have decided I’m not giving up on the half-marathon in April, so I have some serious running to do. I will say that running is harder now, especially with tissue expanders.  Imagine running with two rocks in your chest.  That’s exactly what it feels like.  It’s only going to get worse.  Fills start on Jan 3rd.  It will be interesting to see how much chemo fucks up my training. Still…I’m doing it. Even if I have to walk part of it.  I’m not allowing cancer to take everything away from me. Cancer can fucking suck it. Running the Komen 5k in June will be a breeze comparatively. I figure I have to go back to doing that now. I’ll probably cry.  I try not to think about it.

This is my last week of medical leave. I’m going back to work on Wednesday. I’m not entirely sure what to expect. Chemo will be starting soon, so that may (probably will) throw things off schedule. I’m hoping I’ll be one of the lucky ones who can manage to make it through without the side effects being too horrible. Guess I will soon know.

This short hair is kind of getting on my nerves.


It’s actually a lot harder to deal with than my long hair was, because I can’t just put it in a ponytail or bun anymore when it’s being uncooperative. When I wake up in the morning, it is usually sticking up in multiple directions.  It’s not cute. I have taken to wearing a knit cap around the house on the mornings I don’t feel like washing, drying, and flat ironing it. That’s such a pain in the ass. I have a feeling I will shave it off soon, but before I can do that I need to decide on a few wigs. The options are overwhelming so it’s hard to decide.

I have Jax this weekend (yay), though only until Sunday. Sunday is Grant’s birthday, and he has asked for Jax that day. Grant also has him Monday for NYE. I finally have my NYE plans set, and I’m excited. I cannot remember the last time I went out for NYE. The only thing that comes to mind is 1999 in Los Angeles, but I know that cannot be right, though it was by far one of the most memorable ones. I do remember a NYE spent in Columbia with Brad and Carrie. I remember burnt steak and cheap wine. Those were the good old days. Carrie, do you remember that?

I went into the office today to pick up some money and other things. Tim was putting the second coat of pain on the walls in my office. It is PINK. Eason says it’s like walking into a giant vagina. I don’t know about that, but it’s definitely intense. This picture doesn’t capture how pink it really is.


Yes, I’m a 33 year old lawyer with a pink office.  No, I’m not ashamed.  It’s awesome.

Tim also hooked me up with the first half of season 3 of The Walking Dead, which he has been recording on dvd for Robert and I.  I’m way hooked.  It is one of the best shows I have seen in a long time.  I highly recommend it.  I will watch these eight episodes over the next week and then I’ll be caught up when season 3 returns in February.  Yay!!! <3