Tag Archives: this is 41

Today’s selfies

I took these pics today – most of them meant to show D my new haircut. I am trying to love the skin I’m in, but it’s difficult. Maybe it will never happen? I’m always going to see the flaws. I’m too chubby. My skin is blotchy. My hair is thinning. Every other woman is so much prettier, sexier, more stylish, etc. Is D still attracted to me? Is anyone attracted to me? Maybe I should stop worrying about it and get on with life? Ain’t got no time to waste, bro. Thank you for attending my end of life crisis! *lolsob*

Home Again ♥️

I’m exhausted, and itchy, but happy. My skin is starting to clear up, and I’ve been sent home. I intend to spend the next several days relaxing and recovering. It’s time I make myself my first priority.

Oh and my doc intends to keep me on this treatment, though we will be taking a short break from the piqray. And I’m taking massive amounts of steroids and several anti-histamines.

Hi.

I drank too much last night, and I am really paying for it today. I feel awful. I have to remember that I cannot drink like I’m in my 30s anymore. Especially given the lack of carbs, the weight loss, and the alcohol content of what I drink nowadays (mostly tequila and wine – beer was so easy to drink and I miss it). Ugh, ugh, ugh.

But…my date with MP was wonderful. He’s so interesting and thoughtful. I had a very good time. It was definitely worth the wait.

When I got home, A was here, so I said hi to her and Dave, then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Keeping it really classy over here, peeps.

And then play that on repeat, unfortunately.

The silver lining? My weigh in was pretty amazing this morning! Ha. I made my 1% loss for the week. I came in at exactly 142. I’m going to squeal when I finally see 139 on my scale. Hopefully next week! I’ve lost a total of 12 pounds. 17 to go!

We were supposed to have Jackson with us this weekend, but his dad had to cancel his trip (he was going to Texas), so we are unexpectedly kid free. The plan tonight is the usual: steak night with my gingy babe. We have some catching up to do. We both have dates to discuss.
Tomorrow night we have reservations at our fave seafood spot, and then on Sunday we are making a weed run to Illinois. It’s about time I put my medical mj card to use.

Next week starts the new custody schedule – so we will have both kids on Mondays and Tuesdays now (and every other weekend). For a while it has been both kids on Monday, Frey on Tuesday, and Jackson on Wednesday. This will be a nice change. It’s more convenient for me, since I often have court on Wednesdays at 4 pm, which is when I’m supposed to get Jackson from school. Plus, I like the idea of having them for one long stretch at a time. When they are here, they are here.

I do miss him already though. My sweet boy.

It’s around 2 pm on Friday afternoon. I’m going to go ahead and call it a day. I feel like crawling into my (upstairs) bed and reading. MP gave me some books last night that I am very excited to dig into. First up: Lost Caves of St. Louis. I cannot wait until spring so we can get out and start exploring some stuff. My bed is extra cozy right now because M&J hooked me up with an amazing pink velvet comforter that I am obsessed with.

Okay – enough pointless rambling.

xoxo

It’s weird

…how old I look.

It’s a privilege to get older; trust me I know.

But I’m still wrapping my brain around it: this face I see in the mirror nowadays.

It’s a bit of a mind fuck.

I’m not hot anymore. I’m hot for a middle aged chick.

Oof.

change is good

Things are transitioning around the house.

D keeps getting promoted, and is working more and more. His job is very demanding. As a result, I’m picking up more of the domestic slack, and, surprisingly, I don’t hate it. I need to pick up more responsibilities even. His workload will only increase, and he’s the breadwinner by far, so it makes sense for me to move into this more domestic role. Honestly, I’m a bit old fashioned, so like I said, I kind of like it.

Also, the custody schedule has changed. Frey has been stressed juggling her new obligations since starting high school, so she asked for a more streamlined schedule. Instead of every other day during the week, we now have her Mondays, Tuesdays, and every other weekend. We still have Jackson on Mondays and Wednesdays though, so we actually have kids more of the time than previously. Also not hating that set up.

Idk – kind of feels like we’re finally growing up. Lol. For a lot of our relationship, we’ve just been fucking around and doing whatever we want. This emotional maturity feels nice. But don’t be fooled: we’re still drinking, getting high, and fucking our besties in our free time.

It’s all about balance.