It’s weird

…how old I look.

It’s a privilege to get older; trust me I know.

But I’m still wrapping my brain around it: this face I see in the mirror nowadays.

It’s a bit of a mind fuck.

I’m not hot anymore. I’m hot for a middle aged chick.


change is good

Things are transitioning around the house.

D keeps getting promoted, and is working more and more. His job is very demanding. As a result, I’m picking up more of the domestic slack, and, surprisingly, I don’t hate it. I need to pick up more responsibilities even. His workload will only increase, and he’s the breadwinner by far, so it makes sense for me to move into this more domestic role. Honestly, I’m a bit old fashioned, so like I said, I kind of like it.

Also, the custody schedule has changed. Frey has been stressed juggling her new obligations since starting high school, so she asked for a more streamlined schedule. Instead of every other day during the week, we now have her Mondays, Tuesdays, and every other weekend. We still have Jackson on Mondays and Wednesdays though, so we actually have kids more of the time than previously. Also not hating that set up.

Idk – kind of feels like we’re finally growing up. Lol. For a lot of our relationship, we’ve just been fucking around and doing whatever we want. This emotional maturity feels nice. But don’t be fooled: we’re still drinking, getting high, and fucking our besties in our free time.

It’s all about balance.

Week 2 is in the bag!

I made my running goal for the week.


Today I found an old running playlist, and decided to give it a listen:


Not pictured: the Country Heat workouts I’ve been doing at least once per week.

I’m enjoying this fitness regimen, and I’m really hoping my health doesn’t fuck it up. I feel good. I feel strong.

identity crisis

I was telling my bestie tonight that I’m having some sort of identity crisis. I just really don’t like the state of me right now. I need to change some shit. I’m way, way over my look. I feel frumpy as fuck. And I feel like I’m getting dumber and lazier every single day. I’ve been despondent since February. I wasn’t going to dig in and change my life if I was just going to die in a few years, but if I’m going to have more time than that, which seems likely right now, then I’ve gotta dig in and do the work. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m ready to do so, and have been taking baby steps. Anyway – prepare yourselves, because I’m going to be harping on this for a while. I can feel it.

Oh and I hope I didn’t jinx myself with the whole “I think I’ll live longer than just a few years” thing.

Sometimes I feel like the unluckiest luckiest person in the world. It makes perfect sense to me. That’s all that matters.

It’s 11:46 pm and I’m hoping to feel tired soon. I’m riding a bit of a high from a night out with my bestie.