I keep trying, and failing, to find the right words to describe how I’m feeling about the current state of our co-parenting relationships with the exes. I write it out and then draft it, because it’s never quite right.

The closest I can come is that it is the emotional equivalent of being made to walk on broken glass when you are the one who smashed the vase. And no matter how hard you try to glue the pieces back together, it always shatters again. But you have to keep trying until you fix it. And so you keep walking around, picking up the pieces, and keep getting cut. Over and over and over. This is your punishment.

But he’s no good at being uncomfortable so he can’t stop staying exactly the same.

Extraordinary Machine (Fiona Apple)

The first time I heard these lyrics, I immediately thought of my (now ex) husband. We were still married at the time. In fact, we were rather newly married, as it was 2005. That probably should have been a red flag, huh? These words still ring true today.