here’s my tuesday truth(s)

It’s Tuesday, right?

I really need to get my shit together, but I am majorly on the struggle bus. Even insignificant things are feeling overwhelming right now. Like my bank card expired, and now I need to update all of my auto withdrawals, but fuuuuuuuuuuck I don’t want to mess with that. What a fucking hassle.

I have managed to get some work done this morning, which feels good, but all the cases are fucked up – like way more complicated than they should be – and I just want to shut down and go back to bed.

Did I mention my stomach hurts? Because my stomach hurts.

And I’m tired – because DUH.

Oh and so very cold, like fuck winter in it’s fucking ass w/o lube, fucking freezing my non-existent balls off, cold. I’m over winter. Fuck right off, winter. Somebody go kill that fucking ground rat. Bring me the sun. I don’t even care anymore.

Aren’t I a fucking delight?

Also – I’m going to have to block some people, because I cannot deal with the endless fucking commentary.


My latest annoyance:
I have a highly anticipated date on Thursday night. A date I have waited a long time for, and am very excited about. Well – I was just informed that I now have a trial scheduled that night on some old as fuck DWS case that my client never made good on. I’m talking about a case from fucking 2017. So now I have to appear at 6 pm on Thursday to sort that bullshit out, which interferes with the date, and now I don’t know what is going to happen, and I am very, very frustrated.

Oh and I failed to mention here that this entire week has been complicated by the fact that my ex-husband decided to wait until two days before leaving town to mention that he was going to need me to have our child for the entire week. I don’t mind having Jackson here for a week. What I do mind is having to scramble to rearrange plans/meetings/make new arrangements at the last fucking minute in order to accommodate him on something he knew about for weeks. He was like, “Oh I think I forgot to mention…” YEAH YOU FUCKING DID, ASSHOLE. He is seriously the most selfish person I have ever met. Fucking. Ever. That is not an exaggeration. Fucking ask anyone who knows him well and they will agree.

So let’s recap:
I don’t feel good.
I am grumpy.
Being a lawyer sucks.
It is stupid fucking cold.
My ex is a fucking dickwad.

Yep – I def have seasonal affective disorder. IT’S SO MUCH FUN.

I think I need to call my psych and ask to up my Lexapro. Oh and get more Xanax. In fact, I’m going to go take a Xanax right fucking now.


PS: I’ve been being “good” on the blog recently and not being quite my normal dramatic self. Well that’s over now. Welcome to hell.

it’s just that kind of fucking day

Bread Co delivered my salad without the fucking dressing. So that’s great. Everyone is so fucking incompetent anymore. I’m not even surprised.

At least they didn’t forget the caffeine.

I am so fucking ragey today. I saw some work shit earlier that pushed me over the edge.

Exact quote to D via text, “When is it my turn to be a fucking piece of shit?”

I’m gonna lose my fucking mind, istg.

Bye, Felicia

I read something earlier that made me ragey. 

If any of you ever send me a message telling me that I need to “consider my audience” when posting content, I will tell you to fuck off and then hit the block button. I don’t give a single fuck what you want to read. If you don’t like it, unfollow. Nothing here is about you.

I posted a week or so ago that I don’t like Bernie Sanders and lost like 20 followers. I don’t give a fuck. Bye. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. 

welcome to the working week

  • I’m so exhausted. I woke up at five this morning because I had to be in bk court by 8:30 am in Cape Girardeau, which is like two hours away.  I was not amused.
  • Yesterday was an epic fail.  I was pretty much an exhausted, emotional mess all day. I was crying on and off all day. I started a big fight with my boyfriend.  It was bad.  I found out why today. I got my period for the first time in 18 months. I was not expecting that. I actually laughed. Estrogen…it’s a blessing and a curse.  I guess chemopause is over.
  • At least I know I’m not crazy.  Well not permanently anyway.
  • It’s too fucking hot outside. Pure misery.
  • I wanted to wear slacks today, because my legs are covered in bug bites from the 4th.  I have exactly two pairs, and I tried both on this morning.  Both of them were way too big. Oh. So I guess it’s time to go shopping. None of my court appropriate clothes fit properly anymore.
  • I’m in a funk.  I feel absolutely hideous. I don’t want to see myself in a mirror or in a pic. I think all of my clothes suck. Nothing fits right.  Nothing looks good. My hair fucking sucks. It’s still falling out, but not growing back. My eyelashes are doing their we fall out every three months bit.  Just fuck off, body. Seriously. Oh and fuck off breast cancer, chemo, tamoxifen, and methotrexate. Fuck all of that shit. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
  • It’s okay though. I have some relaxing stuff planned for tonight. I’m going to go to bed early. I think tomorrow will be a better day.  In fact, I feel better just putting this out there. So here it is. <3

on my mind

  • Since getting back from Mexico, I have been so sick. I’m pretty sure it’s because I slipped up and brushed my teeth with tap water once. Ugh. It’s getting slowly better. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth a trip to the doctor. It’s definitely interfering with my running, which sucks because the half-marathon is like 11 days away.
  • I’m so not ready to run 13.1 miles. The farthest I’ve gone is 10.  I know I can do it, but will I do it as fast as I’d like? I’m crazy nervous about it. 
  • I bought a pair of leggings today (my first pair ever) while I was at Target, and holy shit these things are comfy. 
  • I also bought a scale today.  It’s not pretty, but I’ve caught it early, and only need to lose about 10 pounds. Or maybe just 5 pounds…I don’t really know.  It’s hard to figure out what is a realistic weight that I can actually maintain without giving up all the stuff I enjoy. 
  • I’m way over Tamoxifen. 
  • People I know on Facebook are seriously pissing me off with their astounding ignorance. I need to just avoid it until the government shutdown/Obamacare nonsense is over. 
  • If somebody sends me one of those FB messages all about changing my status to something stupid like listing the color of my bra to promote breast cancer awareness, I’M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT. DON’T EVEN GO THERE WITH ME…I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.
  • I’m feeling quite rage-y about breast cancer this week. I know it is because it has almost been a year since my diagnosis.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, and I imagine it will be on my mind a lot for the next few months.  October 2012 was the start of a year of hell for me, and came on the heels of the great separation/divorce drama of 2012.  Fuck 2012. So fucking hard. 
  • Divorce is pissing me off this week too, but I won’t go there.