new writing challenge! (and other things)

One of my best girls over on Tumblr found a new challenge for us to do in August:


Join us!

Also: I totally failed at the July challenge because the prompts really started to suck around mid-month, so I gave up. This one seems legit, though I’ve written about some of these prompts in previous challenges. Like #1. So I’m going to skip #1 and write about something else instead…

So today I was listening to a shared playlist (from D’s Spotify account) entitled Memories and it inspired me to do a blog post regarding the soundtrack of our relationship.

I’m not going to share all the songs that are on the list (or should be on the list but haven’t been added yet) because holy fuck that would be a long list. I’m going to share my top five instead. If you’ve been following along at all, you should know that I LOVE Top 5 lists (thanks, High Fidelity).

#1 – Shove by Angels & Airwaves: Dave texted me back in April 2012 and asked me to listen to this song because it could express his feelings better than he could. Listening to the lyrics, I cried because I understood…perfectly.

It can be so bold and so cavalier
To reach out to the fire her soul’s sending here
It can be like death that blows like a breeze
Making all ones strength go weak at the knees
I hate to feel the shallow ground giving way
I’ve never let myself fall this much astray
And feeding on her touch is all one does to survive

#2 – Sway by Bic Runga: This was my response to him.

Don’t stray
Don’t ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don’t let me drown
Let me down
I say it’s all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I’m practicing your name
So I can say it to your face, it doesn’t seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed it’s time
Tell you why
I say its infinitely true

#3 – Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional. I don’t want to share the exact circumstances under which this became “our” song, but it did, and it is very special to me. I’m going to sob uncontrollably when it plays at our wedding. I just know it.

My hopes are so high,
That your kiss might kill me.
So won’t you kill me,
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
To break or bury,
Or wear as jewelry,
Whichever you prefer.

#4 – Hysteric by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

You suddenly complete me

#5 – Temptation by New Order: This is a recent addition, but an important one.

And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before



I will dream of you tonight.
Hold you hostage
behind my eyelids.
I will push you
against the wall.
My hands on your chest,
ripping the buttons from your shirt.
You won’t protest
with my tongue in your mouth.
I feel hot blood
pulsing in my veins.
I need this more now
than I ever will again.
Don’t wake me up.


where and who we were,
so far from this place now
who was once a lover,
is now a stranger
who was once a friend,
now an enemy
what was once beautiful,
has long since decayed
what was once longed for,
forgotten and discarded
what is here today,
may very well be gone tomorrow
for time is a cruel mistress,
and we exist only at her mercy.

my apology

I get so crazy sometimes
and I’m sorry, baby.
I try to keep my head on straight
but I don’t always succeed, and
as you well know,
when I get angry
heads will roll,
and not just mine.
Then there are those days
when my sadness overwhelms
and the pain must flow,
and it does with such fury
that I worry my tears will drown us both.
You know all too well
I’m not a good swimmer.
I will continue to fight my demons
always, anything for you,
and keep hoping
that my good outweighs my bad,
because though my wild and headstrong spirit
brings the occasional war,
it also brings so many lovely moments,
like running through the streets
hand in hand
or kissing passionately on overpasses
in the middle of the night.

And so as I have
since the very beginning,
I shall continue to give you
my entire heart,
all of my love,
and this poem:
my apology.


something from nothing and back again

one day we’ll be dead
and none of these words will matter
although it is debatable
whether they even matter right now
we produce something from nothing
over and over again
and feel accomplished for it
but isn’t that the cruelest joke of all
that we feel compelled to tell our stories
which then revert to nothingness
when our lights go out for good


The words have to come out
so I put them to paper.
Sometimes it’s a trickle.
Other times a flood.
My mind an ocean of
Could have beens
and visions
of what might still be.
Feelings that must be expressed.
Pain that must be purged.
Love that will not be forgotten.
A choice between
sharing too much,
or my heart, living
trapped in a cage
of my own making.
I choose freedom.

a scarlet letter of my own

you tell yourself:
let go of the fact
that you were the other woman
once upon a time.
you crawled out of that bed,
on your hands and knees,
floating down a river of their tears,
struggling against the current of their rage
and you made your way
to this place
without drowning.
this place where you are his one,
where you are free.
and you feel victorious,
until you realize
that the guilt was your penance,
your cross to bear
and without it
you feel exposed,
and so you pick up the enormity of your guilt again,
your very own scarlet letter,
and you wear it on your chest
where it belongs
forever branded,
like their pain,
in your heart.